Assisting someone with Cocaine Addiction

winneythepooh7 · #1 07-19-2004, 11:25 AM

There is someone I know who has asked me to support them in their cocaine addiction. This is someone you really wouldn't know is involved in this unless you got to know them really well. Most of their friends are also quite involved and use anywhere from 3 times a week to every day. Has anyone helped someone cope with this in their personal life and what are some strategies you use?

_Lisa_ · #2 07-19-2004, 11:34 AM

I have several drug-addicted friends & the first thing you've got to realize is that you can't help them unless they help themselves first. And please don't think that you can do this on your own. You should support them by encouraging them to enroll in a rehab center. And you can offer an open ear & shoulder during their rehab process but they need professional help.

Edited to include that they need to get away from their friends that are using. Take it from someone who has been there, your friend will NEVER stop using drugs unless they aren't in the atmosphere anymore. By being willing to help them you might possibly be taking the risk that you will be that person's only friend for God knows how long. They may need you in the middle of the night when they miss staying up w/ their buddies to snort cocaine, they may need you in the morning when they can't get to sleep because they are shaking from the lack of drugs in their system. Its a full-time job being the friend of someone who is trying to quit drugs.

PM_Mama00 · #3 07-19-2004, 11:35 AM

Unfortunately, 3 out of 3 of my exboyfriends were cokeheads. The first one went to rehab after getting arrested for something else. He started using again right after. The second one HAD to get help because of suicide attempts/cutting. He won't go near it, and says his friends quit but I don't believe him. The third was clean the whole time we were together... all 2 months. As soon as he started working again, he started using again and said that he could quit whenever he wanted. Nevermind that he has a 7 year old son, and a felony drug (ecstacy) charge pending.

I think your best bet in helpnig them out is to try to spend a lot of time with them. I'm sure they know of all the bad things that can happen, but try to convince this person to get help. The place I'm interning at offers free outpatient guidance, but I think it might be on a referral basis. If this person doesn't want to get help, there's not much you can do. Afterall, the first step is admitting you have a problem, and obviously by asking you for help this person is. Now the next step is getting that help.

Good luck! I hope everything works out. Coke addictions are pretty hard to deal with.

winneythepooh7 · #4 07-19-2004, 11:37 AM

I understand. I made it clear to them that I would support them in any way I could but I couldn't always be there for them. Also, they kept talking about "now that they met me and have me in their life that will keep them from going back". That is such a scary statement, and I reminded them that I cannot always be there. Also sometimes for whatever reason, we stop being friends with certain people in our lives, and I reminded them that I don't want to be a reason for their relapse in the future. Another question I have, this person is independently employed and does not have healthcare benefits at this time. I am sure this makes it difficult to obtain treatment because it is so expensive. They don't believe in NA/AA either and I am not sure that I really believe in that method of treatment either. Thanks guys for listening

PM_Mama00 · #5 07-19-2004, 11:41 AM

The third ex wasn't exactly religious before, but he had to go to NA meetings, as appointed by the court. He actually felt that the only thing that helped was going. Whenever he felt the need to do cocaine, he went to a meeting instead.

One thing I forgot... he has a job, but if he ever asks for money-- NEVER do it. You don't know what he's gona spend it on. I made that mistake with ex #1.

I know... for some reason every guy I'm with I find out he's on cocaine. WTF?

_Lisa_ · #6 07-19-2004, 11:42 AM

NA is NOT a method of treatment. Its a support group for someone currently in treatment or has been through treatment. And having been to NA in my area you always run the risk of meeting more people who still do drugs. They can/will tempt anyone who is weak to continue doing drugs.

Therapy may be expensive but if your friend wants to get on track they need to enroll in some sort of rehab center. If they are paying the rehab center back for the rest of their lives at least they have a life free of drugs.

winneythepooh7 · #7 07-19-2004, 11:58 AM

PMMAMA and Crzcyx

sorry if I spelled them wrong):

How do you assess them for their amount of drug use? I have some experience working with substance abusers but it has been more with the dually diagnosed MICA population, and I have always been more of the part of treatment for the mental illness. It's totally different I think when it is actually someone you know and care about and not a "client". A rule of thumb I've learned from working with my clients is that if a positive comes up for drug use and they say "I used once last wknd or whatever" that usually means they have probably used several times more than that that I don't know about. I agree with the statement about NA/AA as I have seen and heard first hand of people getting involved in these groups and they continue to use because they meet more negative peers to hang out with. As for my friend making the seperation with some of their friends, they have realized this is an issue. Some of their friends are reportedly aware they have a problem too. My friend has said that they have started not to attend certain parties/gatherings where they know a lot of drugs will be present. Okay, another issue, is substituting one substance for another, like alcohol or marijuana. What has your experience been with this?

PM_Mama00 · #8 07-19-2004, 12:08 PM

Substituting sometimes does happen. But that's the thing--- if an addict is quitting one thing, he needs to quit everything. At least until he's to the point where he can have a drink responsibly.

I'm not qualified to give advice on this, but these are just experiences that I've had.

winneythepooh7 · #9 07-19-2004, 12:11 PM

Thanks! I am not looking for advice per se, just looking to share experiences and gain some support!!!! Muchas gracias and Happy Monday!!!!!

DeltAlum · #10 07-19-2004, 12:14 PM

One of our daughters had some drug problems. She figured it out and asked us to help her by paying for Detox -- which we did.

You should support your friend, but don't try to cure her/him -- you don't know how.

The best thing you can do for your friend is get him/her to seek professional help.

Good luck.

winneythepooh7 · #11 07-19-2004, 12:22 PM

I suggested we meet with the family members. This person told me that their sibling is aware of the problem but they do not know if their parents are. I think that family support is a really wonderful thing if appropriate. I am also going to try to get to know the sibling so we can work together to provide a strong support network.

James · #12 07-19-2004, 12:39 PM

Tell us this isn't your new love interest . . .

Quote:

Originally posted by winneythepooh7
I understand. I made it clear to them that I would support them in any way I could but I couldn't always be there for them. Also, they kept talking about "now that they met me and have me in their life that will keep them from going back". That is such a scary statement, and I reminded them that I cannot always be there. Also sometimes for whatever reason, we stop being friends with certain people in our lives, and I reminded them that I don't want to be a reason for their relapse in the future. Another question I have, this person is independently employed and does not have healthcare benefits at this time. I am sure this makes it difficult to obtain treatment because it is so expensive. They don't believe in NA/AA either and I am not sure that I really believe in that method of treatment either. Thanks guys for listening

winneythepooh7 · #13 07-19-2004, 12:41 PM

no james, it isn't you LOL..........

James · #14 07-19-2004, 01:04 PM

Why invovle yourself in this at all? Whats in it for you?

Why would you invest a lot of emotional resources into a situation where you have little to no control over the person's life?

Isn't that just an invitation to pain?

I mean if you have the extra cash, send him to rehab.

If he is a recreational user, its on him to stop. If he is an addict, he is probbaly going to need meds to stop, because he won't like the pain. Most people fear and hate pain.

I mean what kind of support can you possibly offer when its basically up to him?

Peaches-n-Cream · #15 07-19-2004, 01:12 PM

An addict must be willing to get help before any type of change can occur. An addict must be responsible for his or her own sobriety. There is nothing that you can do to stop or prevent someone who is determined to use cocaine.

I am guessing that this person is still using regularly. There is a lot of baggage that comes with an addict. Personally, I wouldn't be willing to put up with it. The only suggestion I have is refer him to a rehab center. Off the top of my head, I am thinking of the Phoenix Center, but I'm sure that there are many other places in NYC. Depending on his income level, he might qualify for medicaid or some type of government assistance. Addiction is not something that a person can cure alone. There is help out there if an addict is wants it, but he has to want it and be willing to work some type of program. He has taken the first step by admitting that he has a problem. There are eleven steps left, and they are difficult.

If this is a romantic interest, I would suggest that you put that aspect on pause, or you can get sucked in. It's not pretty. I've seen it happen. I've seen people invest years of their lives in someone who is not emotionally in a position to be in a relationship. I've also seen the partners of addicts turn into enablers, and get blamed for everything that is wrong in the addict's life. These relationships are never healthy or happy.

ETA: I agree with what James posted.