Loving two men

bluz4 · #1 07-05-2004, 04:31 PM

Do you think it's possible to be in love with two men or two women?

What advice would you give someone if they told you: She broke up with her ex. She met another guy that she fell in love with. He wasn't ready for a relationship. She and her ex started talking and then dating again. She eventually had to make a decision either to work things out with her ex or be with the new guy who now wants to be together. Her heart is torn but she opts to give the ex another shot. Now she's found herself still in love with both guys... Is that possible?

What advice would you give her?

valkyrie · #2 07-05-2004, 04:58 PM

I think that she needs to spend some time alone, without being in a relationship.

I've always thought that if you think you're in love with two people, you're not really in love with either.

James · #3 07-05-2004, 06:07 PM

This sounds good to me. Also, she should ahve totally removed the EX from her life after it was over, then she wouldn't have this problem.

Ex ,means its over, it didn't work out. It does not mean you are taking a break and trying to renegotiate. Make up your mind.

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
I think that she needs to spend some time alone, without being in a relationship.

swissmiss04 · #4 07-05-2004, 06:45 PM

Repeat after me: Rebound relationships are bad. I think the rebound relationship develops too quickly/intensely because you're still hanging on to the feelings you had when you were with the other guy. Maybe the first guy is best for you, or your new guy. Either way, neither of them are good for you right now and it's hard to develop a mature relationship w/ either of them. It's also hard to be objective. Take some time off for yourself. You may even meet someone better than the first two. Time for yourself is always good.

smiley21 · #5 07-05-2004, 10:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie

I've always thought that if you think you're in love with two people, you're not really in love with either.

i was thinking the exact same thing. these are wise words to live by. she seriously needs some alone time to evaluate herself and her choices.

that is why there needs to be a length of time between relationships. she could have been just hurting from 'relationship #1' and 'possible relationship #2' was a way for her to cope with the 1st relationship. when you rebound to the next relationship, more often than not- love has nothing to do with it.

bluz4 · #6 07-05-2004, 10:46 PM

i appreciate everyone's comments. i don't know whether this changes opinions, but there was at least a year between the ex-boyfriend and guy #2.

and while i'm rethinking the whole "love" thing, given your comments on loving two people, i disagree with the fact that you cannot try again with an ex.

i've known successful relationships that took a second attempt to get things right. hell, i've known some relationships that took more than three times to get things right.

sometimes situations are not the best or sometimes people do a lot of growing up. i'm not talking about over a month or even over a year, but there are times that just being away from a person and doing a lot of reflecting can make you realize that you've made a mistake....

33girl · #7 07-06-2004, 12:15 AM

I think it's very possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time. Our monogamous society just tells us it's not.

(This is my second "society just tells us it's wrong" post of the day. What the?)

sororitygirl2 · #8 07-06-2004, 01:19 AM

I think you can definitely love two (or more!) people at one time, but as for being in love... that's another story.

I know it sounds cheesy, but I have to agree with everyone else - if you find yourself in this situation, you should take time back, be alone, and (gag) learn to love yourself first. Only then can you figure out how to have a somewhat healthy, self-aware relationship with another person. And it doesn't matter if it was only a month or a year or two between these guys, you have to take whatever amount of time it is that you need - people move on and work through things at very different rates.

valkyrie · #9 07-06-2004, 01:27 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by sororitygirl2
I think you can definitely love two (or more!) people at one time, but as for being in love... that's another story.

Yeah, that's what I meant when I said that I don't think that you really love either of them if you think you love two people -- I really don't give a rat's ass about monogamy -- I just don't think that you can have real "in love" feelings for two people at the same time.

smiley21 · #10 07-07-2004, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
Yeah, that's what I meant when I said that I don't think that you really love either of them if you think you love two people -- I just don't think that you can have real "in love" feelings for two people at the same time.

co sign

XOMichelle · #11 07-08-2004, 10:37 AM

Hmm... gosh this sounds familiar! Something like this happened to me last year. I wasn't in love with anyone, but I was trying to decide if I wanted to get back with my ex (which seemed really silly since I had hurt him, and I knew no matter what he said he would never forgive me), or date a new guy. I decided to try the ex again, and we finally worked that realtionship out of our system.

Now, I am very happy being single.