Formal

DZPrincess2003 · #1 03-22-2004, 01:38 AM

I'm planning our Spring Formal and to be honest have worked pretty damn hard on it, even skipping class a couple times to meet with the woman from the Hilton. It's going to be a very nice formal, one of the nicest that the chapter has had in a long time since they haven't had a very active social chair until I joined. Anyway.... after some complaining from some sisters tonight, I decided to hold a vote as to whether the dates should wear suits or tuxedos. The formal is being held at the Hilton Waterfront and is a very nice hotel. There will be dinner and dancing, etc. The colors are black and white to keep with the uber formal theme going. In my opinion, suits are for semiformal, tuxes are for formal. So now, since the general consensus was for tuxes, some of the sisters aren't going to go since the guys they want to take can't afford tuxes or just dont' want to wear them. I'm pretty hurt and offended by the fact that my sisters don't want to go. It's still 4 weeks before formal... plenty of time to save up to rent a tux and I am even calling a tux place to see about getting a discount for the girls. Is it wrong to be offended that they don't want to go? We are still a small chapter with only 22 girls so the absense of a few is noticed. Not to mention that I've been working my tail off to plan something that they all bugged me about since the day I was elected social chair and now they don't like the plans??? Just ranting I guess cause I'm so frustrated.

decadence · #2 03-22-2004, 02:04 AM

It is not wrong to be offended, no.
As for their dates not wanting to wear them well it is a formal! Hiring a tux is not the most expensive thing. maybe the President can remind everyone of the fact lots of work has gone into it and it's a pivotal point in the sorority calendar and how the chapter looks to the sisters to support events for the success of the chapter as a whole?
Sounds like you're doing all you can.

kappaloo · #3 03-22-2004, 02:20 AM

Many people do not like to wear tuxs anymore, however, there are several levels of formality that a suit can have. For instance, my boyfriend does not wear a tux to formal events but instead wears a 3 piece suit (aka a suit with a vest). This is a very cheap rental (he owns his, but I've seen places that you can rent them for about $15 plus deposit) and it is a wonderful way to "formalize" a suit without going all the way to a tux.

(though, I agree tuxedo are wonderful... especially with white shirts and bowties)

Betarulz! · #4 03-22-2004, 02:21 AM

I personally don't think that you should be offended. I don't think that it is in direct regard to the work that you've done. It is simply a matter of economics and so forth.

While renting a tux may not seem like a big deal...for some guys it is. I personally love dressing up that much (however a lot of guys don't), but the thought of having to rent one would right now would make me think twice about accepting an invitation to your formal. I'm not sure how many girls in your chapter have boyfriends - for them it's probably not as big of deal as they can, as you say save for a rental - but for the casual date with someone in your biology class it seems like a major roadblock. Also girls without boyfriends may not know who they are going to ask to your party, and so that narrows the timeframe to "save" for a rental. Further if I wasn't really into a girl, the idea of renting a tux would cause me to turn down the offer that I would have otherwise accepted if I could have worn a suit.

I guess in short, what I'm saying is that it is a lot to expect out of college guys in a variety of situations. Many guys are barely getting by with rent, beer, and food as their major expenses. Another $75 -125 is enough to be a major bummer, while every guy has a suit that wouldnt' be an added expense.

I think that you should allow suits, encourage tuxes, and forbid a simple sportcoat and khakis. Basically the pants had better be the same color as the jacket, and he better have a tie.

I also think you shouldn't take people disagreeing with you so personally. If you really want the most people to show to any event, you have to appeal to the widest portion of your constituency.

Peaches-n-Cream · #5 03-22-2004, 02:30 AM

I don't think that you should be offended because some people cannot afford to rent or buy a tuxedo. I think that you should make the event black tie optional which means some dates will wear tuxedos and others will wear suits and ties. It really isn't a big deal. The formal/semi-formal is a celebration of sisterhood not about wearing tuxedos.

texas*princess · #6 03-22-2004, 02:33 AM

I definitely agree with Betarulz & PeachesnCream!!!!!!!

Little E · #7 03-22-2004, 03:04 AM

So, I understand where you are coming form. I'm planning, for the past year, our 5-year reunion. It is our first landmark as a chapter and most of our almnae are coming back for it. It will be exciting, yet stressful for me.

I understand that you want things to be perfect. But you also seem disappointed that some sisters won't be present and I think that may be more important. I understand theme, and control of an event you've put so much love into, but that love for your sisters is much more than a formal. There are unfortunatly econmic constraints in the world and that needs to be part of your consideration. Ask for suit and tie, suggest that tuxs would be fun, but the most important thing is that everyone be present. Formal really is about the people, not the setting, location or dresses/tuxs, keep it about the sisterhood, not the finances.

33girl · #8 03-22-2004, 11:23 AM

umm, if we would have made the guys wear tuxes, we probably would not have had guys at our formals.

Like Betarulz said, it's one thing if you have been going with the guy for three years and pool your resources a lot anyway. It's another thing if you ask a guy you know casually and then say "oh by the way, you need to spend $50 (minimum) to rent a tux." Imagine if a guy asked you to his fraternity formal and then said "oh by the way, the only dresses you are allowed to wear are Armani or Prada."

You really need to back down on this one...because the way it's going this will not be the perfect formal you worked and planned for, it will go down in history as "Tuxgate" or something of the like.

GeekyPenguin · #9 03-22-2004, 12:20 PM

I agree with Betarulz, Cream, 33girl, et al. Twenty years from now do you want your pledge class to be at their reunion remembering that fun formal at the hotel or remembering how half the chapter didn't come because of a tuxedo?

Like Betarulz said, a big probably can be for the girls who are single. If I ever asked a boyfriend to pony up for a tux, I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem, but I'd feel weird saying "Hey random econ guy, want to come to my sorority formal with me? And by the way, you need to rent a tux or my social chair will spazz."

DZPrincess2003 · #10 03-22-2004, 03:05 PM

I've decided to just let them know that their dates can wear suits if they absolutely have to but they MUST match, as in the jacket must match the pants and they have to wear a tie. I don't care if that's being too pushy. The hotel is pretty fancy and I personally am wearing a $500 dress and would be embarassed if my date showed up in khaki pants and a jacket. What's the difference between semi-formal and formal if the guys wear the same thing??? We have invited a lot of alumni and I'm embarassed that they guys won't be wearing tuxedos. But I don't care anymore. Let someone else plan the next one, cause I'm done with the complaints. It's not as easy as it looks although people who aren't and haven't been social chair don't seem to realize that.

texas*princess · #11 03-22-2004, 03:15 PM

DZPrincess2003,
I think it's a great idea that you decided to let their dates wear suits (as long as they match of course and wear a tie!) if they chose to.

Like everyone else has said formal shouldn't really be about tuxedos, $500 dresses, or the venue.. it should be about bringing the sisters together to celebrate their sisterhood. That's what really counts

Instead of being "embarrassed" that some guys may show up wearing nice suits instead of full tuxedos, you should be proud that all your sisters will be there to share the night with you

And you should also be proud of the fact that you are also bringing alumnae back to share it with you and proud of the work you have done on the formal thus far. It's kind of silly to let a little thing like a few dates not wearing tuxedos ruin the night.

I would hope that your chapter does appreciate all the work that you have put into the planning of formal, but like Betarulz said, sometimes it's just a matter of economics, and not everyone can just bust out a couple hundred bucks for a tux on a whim.

I hope your formal is a spectacular event & you have lots of fun!

Quote:

Originally posted by DZPrincess2003
I've decided to just let them know that their dates can wear suits if they absolutely have to but they MUST match, as in the jacket must match the pants and they have to wear a tie. I don't care if that's being too pushy. The hotel is pretty fancy and I personally am wearing a $500 dress and would be embarassed if my date showed up in khaki pants and a jacket. What's the difference between semi-formal and formal if the guys wear the same thing??? We have invited a lot of alumni and I'm embarassed that they guys won't be wearing tuxedos. But I don't care anymore. Let someone else plan the next one, cause I'm done with the complaints. It's not as easy as it looks although people who aren't and haven't been social chair don't seem to realize that.

Lady Pi Phi · #12 03-22-2004, 03:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DZPrincess2003
I've decided to just let them know that their dates can wear suits if they absolutely have to but they MUST match, as in the jacket must match the pants and they have to wear a tie. I don't care if that's being too pushy. The hotel is pretty fancy and I personally am wearing a $500 dress and would be embarassed if my date showed up in khaki pants and a jacket. What's the difference between semi-formal and formal if the guys wear the same thing??? We have invited a lot of alumni and I'm embarassed that they guys won't be wearing tuxedos. But I don't care anymore. Let someone else plan the next one, cause I'm done with the complaints. It's not as easy as it looks although people who aren't and haven't been social chair don't seem to realize that.

I'm not intending to be mean, but I think you're over reacting.
I really think this is more of an economic issue than one of well I don't want to wear a tux because I don't like them.
I mean how many girls in your chapter can afford a $500 dress?
I personally think that's outrageous, unless you plan on wearing it for a long time to many other occasions.

My chapter is small. About the same size as yours. While the men don't usually wear tuxes (one or 2 might for fun) I have never seen a guy show up in a sport coat and Khakis. I think you have to give the guys a little credit. Most can dress themselves nicely when they have to. And give your sisters a little credit too. I doubt they would be bring dates to their formal who were slobs.

chideltjen · #13 03-22-2004, 03:30 PM

From knowing and being very close friends with past social chairs in my sorority, you will have A LOT more to worry about than what everyone else is wearing.
The girls know it is a formal. Black tie is encouraged... let them decide how to show up. Worry about if dinner will feed everyone, if your favors will arive on time, and if your deposit on the venue goes thru, not if some random dude with a sister will show up in board shorts and a hawaiian shirt.

We had a ten year anniversary formal not too long ago. We encouraged everyone to dress up more, but I think I saw one guy with a tux. And we had lots of guys in khakis. No one seemed to mind much. They were either too drunk or too 'in the moment.'

But if you are set on tuxes... don't rental shops allow guys around prom season to wear a tux for a day to 'advertise" and then they get a fat discount on the tux later? They used to do that in high school. Don't know if you can still do that in college.

GeorginaDG63 · #14 03-22-2004, 03:35 PM

i know at our formal...guys have to wear a tux...but we usually get a good discount for group orders and all. ive also seen some guys wear their navy uniform or somethin if they are active. it is after all... a FORMAL :-)

sugar and spice · #15 03-22-2004, 03:41 PM

I think there is some overreaction going on here.

Honestly, I don't think that your alums are going to be annoyed if the guys show up in suits instead of tuxedos. But they might be annoyed if they show up and only three girls from your chapter are there because the rest couldn't get their dates to rent tuxes.

It sounds like you are so into putting on a classy event that you are forgetting what a formal is ultimately about -- having fun with your sisters! While your aim to make it as classy as possible is great (why bother spending tons of cash on a formal if everybody dresses like they did at your last date party?), the way you're handling this will only serve to make your sisters, their dates and especially YOU more stressed out. Worry about yourself and let your sisters take care of themselves and I'm sure the formal will turn out fabulous.