Preference Letters?

[suwhitestl]

At the campus I advise, we are still using preference letters (much to my dismay) and against NPC Recruitment guidelines.

Has anyone here found a way to write a preference letter that would still be special without implying a bid? We all know you can't bid promise - but there are a lot of phrases that sound to a PNM that they are being promised.

Thanks --

[texas*princess]

what is a preference letter? is that like writing a rec?

[JaimeNicole]

i think a pref letter is when like, you write a pnm a note being like "susie, here at xyx, we think you are great! you would totally fit in here!....etc etc". and i think its written to the girl, from the woman who preffed her, meant to make the pmn feel really special.

[polarpi]

I still have my preference letter that was given to me as part of my Bid Day present (since we obviously can't take it with us after pref), and this is exactly what it says:

Dear Jennie,

I am so happy to see you back here again tonight.

I know what it is like to be so far from home. Sometimes it can be a lonely or frustrating experience. After getting to know the women of Alpha Delta Pi, I found that it was possible to establish a family away from home. My sisters have been there for me through the tears and the laughter. I hope you find these blessings, whatever your decision may be.

Sincerely, (Sister's name who preffed me)

We were always told when writing the preference letters to write about a special memory we had with the sisterhood, and then say something like the bolded part of my post (without guaranteeing them a bid). I know that the preference letter was something that helped me be certain that I really wanted to be an ADPi....it really helps if the person who is preffing the PNM has talked to them more than once over the course of recruitment (and I know that it isn't always possible for that to be the case, but if possible, I think that's the best way to go about it).

Best of luck with your upcoming recruitment!

And I'm not sure I understand....the writing of the preference letter is against NPC Recruitment guidelines, or is it specific wording that may sound like bid promising (even if that's not the case) is against the guidelines?

[honeychile]

Originally posted by polarpi

And I'm not sure I understand....the writing of the preference letter is against NPC Recruitment guidelines, or is it specific wording that may sound like bid promising (even if that's not the case) is against the guidelines?

My goodness, these were verbotim when I was still an active - somewhere between the reigns of Henry VIII and Tsar Nicholas II!!!

I have read (and written!) some seriously killer ones, though! As I've said before, my chapter was so hideously nasty at COB that we pulled out ALL the stops during Formal Rush - which included aforementioned letters!

And I'm so proud that my chapter is now quite awesome at COB!!

[suwhitestl]

Thanks for sharing your letter with us!

You are absolutely right it is better if the women are preffed by someone they know so it is a personal experience. We are very good at doing this eventhough it took until 2:30AM last year!

Your letter is a good example of one that doesn't sound like a bid promise. Most I have read don't intend to sound like a promise but are too mushy that PNM's read into them and some are crushed on bid day.

Regarding the NPC regulation -- actually it is specific in the 1991 resolutions passed that specifically outlaw preference letters. Not easy to find but it is in the green book.

[HBADPi]

We were not allowed to give PNMs ANYTHING because it was considered to be a gift! The giving and receiving of gifts between PNMs and sisters is NOT allowed. Even poems we wrote them on pref night were taken back at the end of the party. Panhel was very strict about this and I think it was for a good reason, it evens the playing field and they see it as your way of trying to sway PNMs decisions.

[ASUADPi]

I'm curious, if Pref. Letters are against NPC regulations, how do the chapters on this campus still get away with writing them? Is panhell just turning a "blind eye" because it's "tradition"?

If so I say copy the letter Jennie posted, I don't think the PNM's are going to compare pref. letters. Then with that letter it doesn't sound like a bid or to incredibly mushy and maybe some of the PNM's feelings won't get hurt (which is inevitable during FR anyways).

We were not allowed to give PNMs ANYTHING because it was considered to be a gift! The giving and receiving of gifts between PNMs and sisters is NOT allowed. Even poems we wrote them on pref night were taken back at the end of the party. Panhel was very strict about this and I think it was for a good reason, it evens the playing field and they see it as your way of trying to sway PNMs decisions.

Unfortunately FR varies from campus to campus. Yes, all campuses should probably be using the same "rules and quidelines" but some Panhell's are either going to be incredibly strict and enforcing all of them and others are going to be a bit more "lax" because of "tradition". Not every Panhell is the same and I think that is what the deal is. FR rules are meant to be very black and white but in fact they are incredibly gray and chapters, if need be, will find a way around them. I'm not saying that I condone this, but it is a fact of life (and not just with Greek life). People are human, with instincts, wants and needs and we find ways around the rules to benefit ourselves.

Agree with me, disagree with me, just please respect my opinion.

[suwhitestl]

They do take the letters back before the event ends. Then give them again on Bid day. I don't think most girls share their letters with anyone else. If they did they would find they are very similar and not nearly as special as they made them feel on preference day.

Panhellenic did try and deal with this issue this Spring. 3 of the 5 chapters use the letters including ADPi and so the vote was obvious. I am not sure why they decided to vote on it and not just take the position that it is one more part of the no-frills policy that we need to get on board with. We have eliminated at least a frill a year to get closer to the NPC intended FR. And this is the first time the vote was to keep one of the forbidden!

Panhel has asked to read all the letters after preference this year and we have made a commitment to review all letters before preference to avoid any unintended bid promising.

The women have been given sample letters before (which helps alot of women since this can be a hard letter to write) - but each want to put their own things in there which makes their recruitment advisor (yours truly) ver nervous!

[polarpi]

Originally posted by suwhitestl
They do take the letters back before the event ends. Then give them again on Bid day. I don't think most girls share their letters with anyone else. If they did they would find they are very similar and not nearly as special as they made them feel on preference day.

This is what they did at my chapter, as well. I didn't get my preference letter back until Bid Day, with my first set of letters, my plaque, and all the other goodies that our wonderful NMC (GC's own adpi*nurse ) put together for all the Alphas!

Panhel has asked to read all the letters after preference this year and we have made a commitment to review all letters before preference to avoid any unintended bid promising.

The women have been given sample letters before (which helps alot of women since this can be a hard letter to write) - but each want to put their own things in there which makes their recruitment advisor (yours truly) ver nervous!

I can understand wanting to put their own things into the letters they write (my letter included being far from home, since both of us were from California), and you should put something personal in there....maybe have a little discussion with the collegiates about writing the personal anecdote they want to share with the PNM, then have all the letters end with something such as they hope the PNM finds this, whatever their decision may be (that way, it doesn't sound like a bid promise).

The idea of Panhellenic reading the letters also seems like a good idea to lessen the potential of an inadvertent bid promise in the letter, but at the same time I would feel a little squeamish having PH reading the pref letters that were wrriten by sisters (just in case the way they phrased something did sound like a bid promise)...maybe having the collegiates write a rough draft of their pref letter before they write the "official" pref letter, so you know what's being said ahead of time and can help them rephrase it if it sounds a little too much like a potential promise of a bid?

[HBADPi]

Originally posted by ASUADPi

Unfortunately FR varies from campus to campus. Yes, all campuses should probably be using the same "rules and quidelines" but some Panhell's are either going to be incredibly strict and enforcing all of them and others are going to be a bit more "lax" because of "tradition".

Yes I agree, some FR have skit night for example and others dont.

People are human, with instincts, wants and needs and we find ways around the rules to benefit ourselves.

THAT is called a recruitment infraction. I don't care what campus you are on but if you are a NPC sorority or an IFC fraternity, its a serious deal and I have seen national offices of fraternities and sororities getting involved because of it.

This is not a matter of agreeing, disagreeing or of someone's opinion, its about guidelines that Panhel sets for a reason. If we bend guidlines Panhel sets, hell let's start bending rules ADPi sets. Believe me, as a former FR chair, FR is by no means black and white but the point is tring to keep it the same for all parties involved.

I think writing the letters and taking them back at the end of parities is a great solution as well as having Panhel read them. suwhitestl we used sisterhood poems, either written by the sister or previously written poems (theres a thread somewhere). After reading the poems, the sisters would turn to the girls and just tell them how happy they were to have met them, wish them best of luck in deciding, etc etc. So basically we got the personalization in there but if the girls came back on bid day and compared letters, they all only got some type of poem.

[ASUADPi]

Originally posted by HBADPi
Yes I agree, some FR have skit night for example and others dont.



THAT is called a recruitment infraction. I don't care what campus you are on but if you are a NPC sorority or an IFC fraternity, its a serious deal and I have seen national offices of fraternities and sororities getting involved because of it.

This is not a matter of agreeing, disagreeing or of someone's opinion, its about guidelines that Panhel sets for a reason. If we bend guidlines Panhel sets, hell let's start bending rules ADPi sets. Believe me, as a former FR chair, FR is by no means black and white but the point is tring to keep it the same for all parties involved.

I think writing the letters and taking them back at the end of parities is a great solution as well as having Panhel read them. suwhitestl we used sisterhood poems, either written by the sister or previously written poems (theres a thread somewhere). After reading the poems, the sisters would turn to the girls and just tell them how happy they were to have met them, wish them best of luck in deciding, etc etc. So basically we got the personalization in there but if the girls came back on bid day and compared letters, they all only got some type of poem.

Yes, it may be a recruitment infraction, but my point was that not every campus is the same when it comes to rules. Obviously your campus was and obviously this campus isn't. I don't condone the bending of the rules, but it is done, all the time. That was my point.

[honeychile]

Originally posted by ASUADPi
Yes, it may be a recruitment infraction, but my point was that not every campus is the same when it comes to rules. Obviously your campus was and obviously this campus isn't. I don't condone the bending of the rules, but it is done, all the time. That was my point.

Unfortunately, while the Green Book Rules are very well thought out and practical (for the most part), rare is the campus that follows them to the letter.

Which means, yes, the rules DO get broken all the time, and as a hardcore Panhellenically minded Alpha Delta Pi, I'm totally against it.

[suwhitestl]

The sad part of this is that the collegians did ask advice of the district panhel director who (knowing it was against NPC guidelines) advised them to vote to keep the letters if it works for them.

Not good advice and certainly not the panhellenically responsible response to a rule that is over 10 years old. Certainly not what ADPi would have wanted her to advise the collegians to do.

Either way you look at the letters the important point to remember (besides being outlawed in the green book) is that it is not the right thing to do for the potential members. Remembering always that this is not about just your new members on bid day but all guests to your preference party who wil be affected by this tactic.

Unfortunately, we are going at least one more year with the letters!

[HBADPi]

I agree about it affecting all invited guests at your preference party. If you snubbed a PNM, and she does join, thats going to be an issue. If she doesn join adpi and joins another, that might result in bad panhellenic relations. Are they voting again next year? Is that why the chapter has one more year with it?