Second Chances

LB1914 · #1 06-11-2004, 04:35 PM

Back in undergrad, I dated here and there but didn't have a huge deal of success. Anyway, now that I am older some of the same women from back then that either passed me over or dated me for a second and then broke it off for whatever reason are all in my grill now. Personally, my attitude is if I wasn't good enough for you back then, I don't see what is so great about me now.

Most of my female friends come with all kinds of excuses about the situation ("They were young back then", "They may have wanted something different back then and want a good man now", etc.). Aside from being a few years older, I haven't changed a great deal since undergrad. My appearance and overall personality are pretty much the same. Hell, I really don't even dress or carry myself any differently than I did back then. Nonetheless, I am supposed to just go along with this crap. I have even been accused of being "bitter" because of this philosophy.

What do you all think about the situation?

msn4med1975 · #2 06-12-2004, 12:04 AM

You are suffering from Return of the Ex's, which is quite common but can be difficult to treat. If you are of the mindset that it's pointless to backtrack wear your bitter tag with pride (I have with several folks). If it's someone that you think the relationship might stand a chance test the waters but if it isn't going anywhere nip it in the bud before they frustrate your behind. People that have good energy around them and are generally good people are often overlooked when we are younger because folks have this certain image in mind for who they should be with. I was often told I was the kind of girl "you marry" and since they weren't ready to get married we ended things. Without fail at least three of them materialize every year, often at the same time, and say lets give it another try. And we always end up having the same conversation about why it's pointless to go back. I can maintain friendships but we ain't getting back together. But that depends on the person cause some folks won't give up. It's better just to end it if they can't be civil.

LB1914 · #3 06-13-2004, 03:56 PM

The funny thing about it is that these really aren't ex's. I did date a couple of them briefly, but the majority of them turned down my advances basically for no reason at all. I never got a straight answer as to why they didn't want to date me or continue to date me back then, but now of course the excuses are coming left and right. I know if the shoe was on the other foot they wouldn't be trying to hear some dude that dissed them back in the day, but for some reason people think that I should give them the benefit of the doubt.

RBL · #4 06-13-2004, 06:07 PM

I feel you Greek

A similar situation happened to me a few weeks ago. This girl I was trying to date in college(who was from my hometown) saw me the other day and came out and said.." I don't know why I didn't date you in college" (even though I wanted to say it might have had something to do with you wanting those sorry ni@@as that treated you like crap) BUT I said I didn't either and tried to keep it moving.. I'll admit was a little bitter(lol)...but she continued to ask me about my job and if I was dating anyone. I told her I was talking with someone and kind of ended the conversation at that. I was telling one of my good friends about it and she said I was bitter, but I really didn't care..... so now a girl I use to like has realized I could be a potential mate now I'm suppose to be happy..SORRY.. not gon be able to do it..Much like you I don't carry myself any differently now than I did in college.

Do You but I say don't accept it

msn4med1975 · #5 06-14-2004, 03:24 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by LB1914
The funny thing about it is that these really aren't ex's. I did date a couple of them briefly, but the majority of them turned down my advances basically for no reason at all. I never got a straight answer as to why they didn't want to date me or continue to date me back then, but now of course the excuses are coming left and right. I know if the shoe was on the other foot they wouldn't be trying to hear some dude that dissed them back in the day, but for some reason people think that I should give them the benefit of the doubt.

I understand, but folks is funny and fickle. I know folks on the eve of their weddings that told me you know I think I'd rather be with you. Ummm nutball you marrying someone else, roll on with that. Sometimes it's nice to catch up but beyond that backtracking usually makes at least one of you remember why it didn't work out.

jll79 · #6 06-15-2004, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by LB1914
Back in undergrad, I dated here and there but didn't have a huge deal of success. Anyway, now that I am older some of the same women from back then that either passed me over or dated me for a second and then broke it off for whatever reason are all in my grill now. Personally, my attitude is if I wasn't good enough for you back then, I don't see what is so great about me now.

Most of my female friends come with all kinds of excuses about the situation ("They were young back then", "They may have wanted something different back then and want a good man now", etc.). Aside from being a few years older, I haven't changed a great deal since undergrad. My appearance and overall personality are pretty much the same. Hell, I really don't even dress or carry myself any differently than I did back then. Nonetheless, I am supposed to just go along with this crap. I have even been accused of being "bitter" because of this philosophy.

What do you all think about the situation?

In my opinion, I don't think you are bitter...You just simply moved on with your life. There are some women out there who once dismissed a guy, try to come back later and get mad when the dude doesn't want them. It kinda messes with their ego, but of course, it depends on the individual. People grow during college and they grow after college, but you should ask, "Why do I look appealing to you AFTER college? I'm still the same person." Let me cut the Dr. Ruth vibe here. Seriously, I've been there where male friends that I've been attracted to and approached in High school (for instance) and they see me now, want to holler. First, I give them that "are you stupid" look and give them the same exact answer they gave me then. That does not make me bitter. I feel it is more of letting them know that you are not accepting their advances and their indecisiveness(LOL)...plain and simple. When it comes to the human heart...don't half step. It's not like choosing what color socks to wear.
I hope you do find what you are looking for.

Lizanabavi · #7 06-17-2004, 09:51 AM

Mr. LB you are not bitter, just wise! I wouldn't talk to them either, I feel the exact same way you do. If I wasn't good enough for you back then -I'm not good enough now!

I don't believe in all of that getting back together stuff no way! Think about it... how arrogant of someone to think that they can just turn you down; do you any kind of way; and come back to you when they feel like coming back. The Devil is a liar!