Divorce Stories

[honeychile]

I volunteer at a divorce recovery seminar (Fresh Start, if y'all have heard of it), and I hear TONS of stories during our small group sessions. I got the following email, and I thought that I can't possibly be the only one who hears so many great divorce stories. I' certainly can't verify THIS one, but it's great:

The Curtain Rods

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that she wanted to live in the couple's multimillion dollar home, and since the man's lawyers were a little better, he prevailed.

He gave his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning & mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit.. Repairmen
refused to work in the house...The maid quit...

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back...

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth... But only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered
the paperwork. A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...

.....including the curtain rods.

[valkyrie]

I don't know -- to me a good divorce is when the parties are civil to each other, agree on everything and the whole process runs smoothly.

[Rudey]

I don't believe in divorce.

-Rudey

[Kevin]

I work in a law office that primarily does family law.

I see the ultimate in pettiness every day.

[smiley21]

I HATE DIVORCE!!!!

[WCUgirl]

My husband told me this story about a good friend of his in his unit.

About 5 years ago this guy was looking for a new car. He started out by searching through the want ads in the newspaper. He found an advertisement for a brand new porsche, but there was no price listed. He thought, what the heck, I'll call and see what they want for it. He calls, and a lady tells him she's not sure what amount to sell it for, but if he'll come by and look at it, they can discuss it. She assures him it is brand new w/ about 5,000 miles on it and runs perfectly. He's thinking he can't afford a porsche, but he goes over to check it out anyways.

He arrives and the porsche is in perfect condition. He test drives it - again, runs perfectly. He asks the lady if it's been totalled and rebuilt. No. She again assures him there is absolutely nothing wrong w/ the porsche, but if he needs to take it somewhere to have it checked out, feel free to do so. He asks her how much she wants for it. She says, "Well, would fifty be too much?" He says, "$50,000?" She says, "No, fifty dollars, as in five tens." Now he really thinks this lady is off her rocker. "Has it been repossessed? Is it illegal to sell this car?" he asks. No.

Finally he asks the lady why she wants to sell this brand new, perfect porsche for $50. "Well," she says, "I'm in the middle of a divorce. The judge ruled that I have to give my husband half of everything, including half of the proceeds of any sales, including the house and his car. It will really be worth it to see the look on his face when he finds out I sold his brand new porsche for $50."

Needless to say, the guy bought the car.

[honeychile]

Originally posted by AXiD670


Needless to say, the guy bought the car.

I once thought that this was an urban legend, until I was shown a newspaper clipping on it.


About divorce: it sucks. It's nasty, it's horrible, it's having your heart pulled out of your chest without even cutting first, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. BUT! You can go through it, or [/i]grow[/i] through it. Laughter is the best revenge.

[NutBrnHair]

Originally posted by honeychile
I once thought that this was an urban legend, until I was shown a newspaper clipping on it.

Looks like it began as an urban legend.

$50 Porsche on www.snopes.com

[WCUgirl]

Hey - I never claimed it was true....I just said that my husband told me the story about a guy....isn't that how all urban legends start? However, the friend in question really did drive a porsche.

Of course, we could all only hope to find a brand new porsche for $50, right?

ETA: I didn't mean to hijack the thread - I thought it was a cute story. Makes me smile anyways.

[KillarneyRose]

Honey, I just LOVED that story! I hope it's true!

In a perfect world, both parties would be able to reach an amicable agreement in a divorce. In the real world, though, I am just enough of a vindictive b***h that I say, "good for her"

[Rudey]

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
Honey, I just LOVED that story! I hope it's true!

In a perfect world, both parties would be able to reach an amicable agreement in a divorce. In the real world, though, I am just enough of a vindictive b***h that I say, "good for her"

You're married happily. Can you please put away the vindictive ex-wife personality now?

-Rudey
--OK, thanks

My divorce was kinda ugly but it didnt get anywhere enar all that drama

[swissmiss04]

When I was in high school my dream job was to practice family law. After seeing the bullsh*t that went on during my parents' divorce, I became much less enthusiastic. There's no way I could deal w/ people like that day in and day out and remain sane. It's amazing how people lose all good sense during divorce proceedings and afterwards; petty materialism, putting their kids in the middle of the argument, etc. etc. Of course if they had good sense, they probably wouldn't have married in the first place.

[XOMichelle]

Originally posted by swissmiss04
Of course if they had good sense, they probably wouldn't have married in the first place.

That's very unfair to many couples that are divorced now.
A lot can change in 28 years (the length of time my parents were married).

[swissmiss04]

This was in reference to my parents only.