Dating an ex-drug user?

[CUGreekgirl]

I'm begining to date a guy, but his past sort of bothers me. His freshman year of college he went wild and started drinking and doing Exstacy heavily. Then he started smoking up.

I've never tried any sorts of drugs or been around people using any drug except for weed.

He says he has done a 180 with his life and he has happily stopped doing everything like that.

My question is, what exactly sort of experience do you have while on ecstacy? Is it one of the drugs that causes you to want to have sex while you under it. B/c I honestly can't handle a guy who has had lots random hookups.

Any other advice on dating an ex-druggie would be helpful!

[Rudey]

Originally posted by CUGreekgirl
I'm begining to date a guy, but his past sort of bothers me. His freshman year of college he went wild and started drinking and doing Exstacy heavily. Then he started smoking up.

I've never tried any sorts of drugs or been around people using any drug except for weed.

He says he has done a 180 with his life and he has happily stopped doing everything like that.

My question is, what exactly sort of experience do you have while on ecstacy? Is it one of the drugs that causes you to want to have sex while you under it. B/c I honestly can't handle a guy who has had lots random hookups.

Any other advice on dating an ex-druggie would be helpful!

If you're looking for a virgin perhaps you should join the Yahoo group: IJudgeOthersAndWillBeMiserable.

-Rudey

[winneythepooh7]

hey, i say go with your gut on this one. i went on a date with a guy on wed nite who told me a lot of stories involving what he was probably trying to sell to me as recreational drug use. my gut was telling me that he may not be my choice of a guy to date and i really didn't believe everything he had to say. i hung out with someone who knows him last night and he said he has always been known as a major coke head and for doing wild and crazy stuff. my friend told me to do what i wanted because there always "is a chance" that some things about people are embellished, however he did say this guy had a major reputation and he would not be good for me. people can do whatever they want with their life and i have nothing against people who get drunk or high every once in awhile but when it makes you do things that could put your life or others lives at risk (mainly mine) that is a different story.


people can change and we shouldn't judge people from what they've done in their past but if you are having doubts, and there are things you couldn't handle about someone that they have done in their past, i wouldn't get involved. the relationship is already doomed from the start if you can't handle things about the person.

good luck!!!!

[Dionysus]

I would be interested in why he started (besides just going wild) AND why he stopped the drugs.

[PhiPsiRuss]

Did he stop on his own? If so, how has he dealt with the underlying reasons that caused him to do these drugs?

Personally, I don't think its that big of a deal, because he wasn't using drugs, aside from the alcohol, that are physiologically addictive. If he was using cocaine or heroine, I'd be very concerned.

[James]

Never listen to a guy friends advice about dating another guy. Its moronic.

And stop asking them, what they hell are they going to say?

He basically told you not to date the guy.

"Well I heard he was an axe murderer but you know, its always possible that was exaggerated or he has changed. Date him at your own risk."


Go out with the guy and see how it goes. Any real problems along those lines will be glaringly obvious and then you can leave.

Originally posted by winneythepooh7
hey, i say go with your gut on this one. i went on a date with a guy on wed nite who told me a lot of stories involving what he was probably trying to sell to me as recreational drug use. my gut was telling me that he may not be my choice of a guy to date and i really didn't believe everything he had to say. i hung out with someone who knows him last night and he said he has always been known as a major coke head and for doing wild and crazy stuff. my friend told me to do what i wanted because there always "is a chance" that some things about people are embellished, however he did say this guy had a major reputation and he would not be good for me. people can do whatever they want with their life and i have nothing against people who get drunk or high every once in awhile but when it makes you do things that could put your life or others lives at risk (mainly mine) that is a different story.


people can change and we shouldn't judge people from what they've done in their past but if you are having doubts, and there are things you couldn't handle about someone that they have done in their past, i wouldn't get involved. the relationship is already doomed from the start if you can't handle things about the person.

good luck!!!!

[winneythepooh7]

Originally posted by James
Never listen to a guy friends advice about dating another guy. Its moronic.

And stop asking them, what they hell are they going to say?

He basically told you not to date the guy.

"Well I heard he was an axe murderer but you know, its always possible that was exaggerated or he has changed. Date him at your own risk."


Go out with the guy and see how it goes. Any real problems along those lines will be glaringly obvious and then you can leave.

yeah but he knows the guy. and i don't think that is something to take lightly, especially combined with some other stuff the guy told me on the date (ie. i was on e the night i met you, i hold drugs for friends sometimes, i lost $6,000 gambling last week). hmmmmm, doesn't sound like someone with the potential for a wholesome relationship.

[James]

I agree. Too much honesty lol. He should know to hold more back at first.

If everyone gave full disclosure of themselves on the first date we would mostly be either horrified or bored.

Originally posted by winneythepooh7
yeah but he knows the guy. and i don't think that is something to take lightly, especially combined with some other stuff the guy told me on the date (ie. i was on e the night i met you, i hold drugs for friends sometimes, i lost $6,000 gambling last week). hmmmmm, doesn't sound like someone with the potential for a wholesome relationship.

[winneythepooh7]

yeah too much info i agree but i think it is good to get some things out in the open. in this case this "too much info" totally saved me. what about the guys (and females too LOL) that put on a wonderful front and "when the honeymoon is over" you were like "damn i should have listened to my gut" or "i should have listened to my friends" c'mon james, i know you DENY never being in a bad relationship but hasn't there been ANYONE ever your friends have warned you about LOL

[valkyrie]

I think that by calling him an "ex-druggie" you've really already made up your mind that he's not up to your standards. Personally, I'd rather date someone who has experimented with drugs if he wanted to rather than the uptight guy who has never done anything -- but then, I've experimented myself and I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

[Kevin]

Originally posted by valkyrie
I think that by calling him an "ex-druggie" you've really already made up your mind that he's not up to your standards. Personally, I'd rather date someone who has experimented with drugs if he wanted to rather than the uptight guy who has never done anything -- but then, I've experimented myself and I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

There's a difference between being an addict and experimenting.

If he says he did a "complete 180", I'd have to think that's because something bad happened to him. If he just lost $6000 the other day gambling, that might be another warning sign.

With a fella like this, I'd be just as concerned abotu his character as the folks that he hangs out with.

[AXJules]

This may not even pertain to you, but-

Many times when people have sex on xtc, they feel weird side effects for a long time after. For some people the sexual feelings are SO good that nothing ever compares to it again. I actually have a male friend who has had to undergo psychological counseling and some kind of drug therapy because his sexual experiences on X interfered with his "real" relationships later in life. He was unable to have any kind of fulfilling sexual relationship sober.

As I said, may or may not apply to you, just something to think about.


I would SERIOUSLY find out why he stopped. Did he stop because the law and jail made him? Did he stop b/c he grew out of it? Got poor? Or watched a friend die from taking the stuff? I hope you can see how one (he stopped b/c he didn't have any money) is not equal to the other (he saw a friend die and vowed not to do it again).

[UKDaisy]

Honestly, I see where you are coming from. I have lots of friends who either started their life out way to wild in high school or who have been in that past and out of it now. I can honestly say, I haven't dated or really known a lot of men who took X. I'm in Kentucky - so its weed, coke, or bourbon. But, I can say - that the guy came clean to you for a reason. So, take that gesture and get to know him. Find out what or why he stopped. Honestly, that must have took either the police force or all the courage he had to stop and turn his life around.

I would give him a chance.

I used to date this wonderful guy. He had such an amazing personality, passion about the smallest of things, creative, etc. Okay, so after we broke up he started weed, and now snorts coke. Okay, he's obviously not doing great in my book. But, if he were to quit this and regroup his life - I would want someone else to share what lil' bit of happiness I did with him. Because deep down he's a great guy.

Okay, thats my spill. All people can't be perfect all the time.

[CUGreekgirl]

I would be interested in why he started (besides just going wild) AND why he stopped the drugs.

Not sure why he started it. I think he just started going to raves and tried it out and continued to use it. He stopped b/c he mom found out and told his grandma, and it just about broke his grandmothers heart.

I think that by calling him an "ex-druggie" you've really already made up your mind that he's not up to your standards. Personally, I'd rather date someone who has experimented with drugs if he wanted to rather than the uptight guy who has never done anything

Its not that he's not up to my standards. And your right I would much rather date someone who has experiment rather than someone uptight. However, what he did was a little more than experiement.

Many times when people have sex on xtc, they feel weird side effects for a long time after. For some people the sexual feelings are SO good that nothing ever compares to it again. I actually have a male friend who has had to undergo psychological counseling and some kind of drug therapy because his sexual experiences on X interfered with his "real" relationships later in life. He was unable to have any kind of fulfilling sexual relationship sober.

Thats interesting. I'd never heard that (but then again, i don't know crap about X). I guess I need to sit down and talk with him about all this stuff and how it may possibly affect our future.


Other than the drug use in the past, he is a great guy. Super close with his family, he sees his nieces and nephews everyday and talks about them constantly and how much he loves them. He has a steady job and is going back to college when he gets money save up.

[winneythepooh7]

hopefully he's super great but like in ANY new relationship BE AWARE and take things super slow Good luck oh yeah, those ?'s are great to ask: Why did you start? What did you start with? Why did you stop. What would happen if you used again? Happy Monday all!