How many dates?

Scandia · #1 11-23-2006, 07:34 AM

How many dates would you go on with someone before giving up due to lack of chemistry? Assume there are no red flags (or even yellow ones) and that the person is physically attractive and within your type, and that the person is kind and has a lot in common with you...but that interacting with this person seems no different than interacting with one of your platonic friends or co-workers.

sdsuchelle · #2 11-23-2006, 08:24 AM

Two. I think you have to give them a second chance if they're a nice guy, but if after the second one you're still not clicking, tell him you just want to be friends.

I'm actually in this dilemma right now, haha.

PrettyBoy · #3 11-23-2006, 11:49 PM

I would hang out with her as friends from the start, so if we got closer that would be cool and if we didn't she could stilll be a really good friend. We could continue to hang out regardless.

Scandia · #4 11-24-2006, 05:33 PM

Well, the first date was good. Just like most first dates with good people that I have been on. I did not feel any chemistry or sparks- but it is not all that common to do so, especially when you do not know the person well. First dates are mainly to establish commonality and to make sure there are no red flags or any other immediate dealbreakers.

But on the second date, I felt like I was hanging out with a platonic male friend that I had back in undergrad. While my old friend Jacques was not my type and 5 years older than me, this guy is within my type and only 2 years older than myself. He's very kind and we have a lot in common- but I am not feeling any different than if I were hanging out a random platonic friend.

Drolefille · #5 11-24-2006, 05:45 PM

You might give it another date or two, simply because you like hanging out with the guy. I'd be careful about giving him the wrong idea (that you either really like him or that you're completely uninterested) though.

REE1993 · #6 11-24-2006, 06:21 PM

I am a believer in "love at first site" or rather, "like at first site". If you don't feel, don't draw it out. Some people can make it work even if they hated each other at first. But I usually rely on my gut. That works best for me.

AchtungBaby80 · #7 11-24-2006, 06:22 PM

How many? One.

Scandia · #8 11-24-2006, 07:37 PM

I know people who were not immediately attracted to their mates. Some of them always found them good looking/their type, a few didn't. I do not think I need immediate attraction, but I do need to find the person good looking and my type.

I'm not very experienced when it comes to this. And I do know that love grows over time. But I would be hoping to at least start liking someone THAT way by the second date if it is meant to be. Is this a reasonable expectation?

I cannot say there are no negotiations with this guy and that he is the prototype of my dream person. But there are no major problems- I cannot even think of any yellow flags so far. I am just not feeling anything special for him. People I have described him too say that I am sounding very clinical when I talk about him- even though they recognize that it is all very positive. Almost like if I were appraising a colleague's performance.

Drolefille · #9 11-24-2006, 08:01 PM

People who fall in love over long periods of time are usually in contact with each other for those long periods, or in short periods repeatedly throughout the years. Unless you're going to a) string him along or b) keep him as a friend... I'd say move along.

Scandia · #10 11-24-2006, 08:39 PM

Oh, I'll joyfully keep him as a friend. God knows if I probably need a close platonic male friend (just like Jacques was) more than what I need a significant other right now. I have a very busy spring coming up with a full time job and two graduate classes for a Specialist degree.

Buttonz · #11 11-24-2006, 08:59 PM

If there isn't a spark at all on the first date, why risk giving him the impression that there is?

Scandia · #12 11-24-2006, 09:28 PM

Well, I was very illusioned at the end of the first date. It seemed like there could be one in the second one. He impressed me quite well otherwise- I just was not feeling the butterflies quite yet. But nothing happened that would make me think that they would not happen on the second date.

But they did not happen. It was very flat.

ETA- Had the first date been as flat as the second one, I probably would not have given him a second date. But the first date went quite well. I definitely wanted to see him again at the end of the first one. The second one just fell flat on its face- hence I am so curious as to if this could have been a fluke and there could still be a chance, or if this is a big sign that we are just meant to be friends.

_Opi_ · #13 11-24-2006, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by REE1993

I am a believer in "love at first site" or rather, "like at first site". If you don't feel, don't draw it out. Some people can make it work even if they hated each other at first. But I usually rely on my gut. That works best for me.

I wouldn't call it love, but I feel the same way. I usually dont even accept a date unless there's "something" there, i.e. chemistry, attraction, or whatever you might call it.

blueangel · #14 11-24-2006, 11:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by _Opi_

I wouldn't call it love, but I feel the same way. I usually dont even accept a date unless there's "something" there, i.e. chemistry, attraction, or whatever you might call it.

I totally agree. I can pretty much tell right away. I have had dates where I would be sitting there at dinner thinking, "Ohhh I could be home doing my laundry right now!"

AlphaFrog · #15 11-25-2006, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by _Opi_

I wouldn't call it love, but I feel the same way. I usually dont even accept a date unless there's "something" there, i.e. chemistry, attraction, or whatever you might call it.

I agree. My husband and I didn't even speak the same language when we started dating, but there was still that "something" there. I could see it in his eyes.