Anyone just "settling"?

winneythepooh7 · #1 05-28-2004, 12:11 PM

Hey. I meet people who I know are just "settling" in their current relationship. I've met people who say they aren't even really attracted to whoever they are with anymore but still remain with them. What do you all think about this? I would rather be alone and happy then with someone who may think the world about me but I am just not feeling it with them.

#2 05-28-2004, 01:22 PM

No way!

I had the chance to "settle" a few years ago. I was with a great guy, who loved me very much, and just generally had everything going for him. Unfortunately, I just didn't have the same depth of feeling for him. I know we could have gotten married (he had proposed) and had a nice life together, but I wanted more.

Now I'm marrying a man that has all of those characteristics times 10, and who(m?) I love in return. I was afraid when I left guy #1 that I'd never find anybody like him again, but I'm glad I took my chances!

DZHBrown · #3 05-28-2004, 01:26 PM

When I almost got married 2 years ago, I was settling just to be secure and stable. I was "happy enough". I know now that would have been such a huge mistake and happy enough would have eventually turned into completely unhappy. We were together 4 years and he never gave me what I needed in a relationship, but he wasn't awful either. What a huge mistake!! While I hate that I'm 26 and no significant other in sight, I'd rather not settle just to have someone in my life.

recentASAalum · #4 05-28-2004, 02:10 PM

I was in a relationship with a guy for two years... we were constantly fighting and making each other miserable... but I was still going to marry him... and we even looked at engagement rings... I was settling cuz it was my first real relationship and I thought there wouldn't really be another chance... but luckily I came to my senses before I did something really stupid and I got out of the relationship...

Lil' Hannah · #5 05-28-2004, 02:17 PM

I've settled for stalking Rudey.

BobbyTheDon · #6 05-28-2004, 02:28 PM

don't ever just "settle". screw that shit.

if you are still not finding the person, dont worry. go on " a dating story". that show is badass! oh and while yo uare on the show...hook me up with the chicks that host that show. YUMMY...

winneythepooh7 · #7 05-28-2004, 02:30 PM

never heard of that show. is that another show on TLC like "a wedding story" and "a baby story"? how many people would want to be followed around by cameras on their wedding day anyways? just curious!!!!

Rio_Kohitsuji · #8 05-28-2004, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by recentASAalum
I was in a relationship with a guy for two years... we were constantly fighting and making each other miserable... but I was still going to marry him... and we even looked at engagement rings... I was settling cuz it was my first real relationship and I thought there wouldn't really be another chance... but luckily I came to my senses before I did something really stupid and I got out of the relationship...

Ditto. Completely.

James · #9 05-28-2004, 04:19 PM

Winneythepoo, I don't know many people that would admit that even to themselves.

Self deception is a key component of most successful relationships.

And maybe it should be that way.

sororitygirl2 · #10 05-28-2004, 05:08 PM

In the end, aren't you always settling - at least to an extent? You never know if there is someone else just a teeny bit better out there because you can't meet and date every person in the world to try them on for size.

KillarneyRose · #11 05-28-2004, 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DZHBrown
While I hate that I'm 26 and no significant other in sight, I'd rather not settle just to have someone in my life.

As someone who has met you in "real life", I can tell you that you are far too sweet, pretty and fun to be around to settle for just any warm body. 26 is not old, honest! And you'll find the right guy - probably when you least expect it

damasa · #12 05-28-2004, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sororitygirl2
In the end, aren't you always settling - at least to an extent? You never know if there is someone else just a teeny bit better out there because you can't meet and date every person in the world to try them on for size.

Best advice in this forum, no joke.

You always settle to some extent. And you never really know what's out there but your searches could bring you happiness or they could bring you pain as well.

Peaches-n-Cream · #13 05-28-2004, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Winneythepoo, I don't know many people that would admit that even to themselves.

Self deception is a key component of most successful relationships.

And maybe it should be that way.

I agree that most people wouldn't admit that they are settling even to themselves.

A lot of people in relationships think that they could do better until they see what and who is out there. The pickings are slim, and it's difficult to meet someone. Maybe the people in relationships are settling, maybe they are pragmatic, maybe they don't want to be alone, or maybe they are lazy. **shrug**

Personally, I am with someone I love who makes me happy. I don't know if he is the love of my life or if this will last forever. I enjoy being with him. When I hear nightmare stories from my "single and looking" friends, I appreciate him a lot more.

sororitygirl2 · #14 05-28-2004, 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by damasa
Best advice in this forum, no joke.

You always settle to some extent. And you never really know what's out there but your searches could bring you happiness or they could bring you pain as well.

Exactly - you never really know what's out there, you just have to have faith that what you have is good. If you care about someone enough, are willing to make the effort, and have a little faith and vice versa - that in the end is what will make them "THE ONE" for you.

AKA_Monet · #15 05-28-2004, 07:57 PM

I have met "THE ONE" in my dreams... Which goes to show folks that "THE ONE" was a figment of my imagination...

I do not consider myself so 2 dimensional that ONE size can fit my reality... In fact, I had to paradigm shift my whole perception of what I thought THE ONE would be in an excellent relationship.

Then I came to the realization that re-creating "THE ONE" in my mind limited my capacity to expose myself to "ONES" that are meant for me to encounter...

It was only until I got to that point that I got married to my husband...

How did I meet him? Through a mutual acquaintance who begged me to at least meet him and get to know him before I "write" him off...

Just goes to show you if I did not settle, I would still be in the same boat, 35 years old, single and lonely wondering where all the good men are in the wilderness of America...

What does "settling down" mean anyways?