rushing and shyness

[pinkpointeshoes]

Tonight I had a chance to go to an information session for the sororities at my university. I met so many wonderful girls, and am truly excited for fall rush. I know information night went well because I met two sororites who I got along with especially well, but I know I was a bit self-conscious and nervous. Rush is coming up in August, and I don't want to have the same nervous feelings as I had tonight. For those who've gone through rush, do you have any advice for overcoming shyness? I want to put my best foot forward because I want rush to be the best possible experience.

[cherrycola]

Hi
I am really shy too. You should try talking to strangers over the summer, not the weirdos, but things like making small talk at the grocery store. It just helps in general, to be able to carry on a conversation with any one ( I found this out at job interviews, thankgod for rush.)
don't worry about rush though, the sisters should really be carrying the conversation. It is important to present best self, even if you are a little shy.
also something I find helpful is wearing something special that people will notice, like a locket from parents, new shoes, because it gives you confidence and a possible convo starter.

[dakareng]

I am by nature a shy, quiet person and now serve as an International Officer. It is only a deterrant if you let it be one. (and for all the extroverts out there, being an introvert is NOT a disease and does not mean the person would not be a contributing, active member of any GLO)

The best advice that I can give is to practice putting yourself in unfamiliar situations, with people you don't know and strike up a conversation. Have a few topics you can bring up that would highlight your interests (and give members a way to remember you)... unusual hobbies? interests?

Specific ways you could work on being nervous/ self conscious could include sitting in a different part of the church/ attending a different service or going to church with a friend; volunteering at a nursing home (residents are starved for conversation with new people!); get a job as a waitress or retail sales where striking up a conversation is an essential skill.

You may always be shy, but it doesn't have to define you... it just doesn't come naturally but it does get easier!

[MSKKG]

First of all, good luck! You sound like you are ready to rush with an open mind, so you will have a better experience during recruitment.

Just remember that the GLO members are nervous as well. They want to make a good impression on you and the other PNMs as much as y'all want to impress them. It might be cliche, but be yourself. Be polite, even if you feel like a particular GLO is not for you. Try to remember all that you have to offer a GLO, and that boost of self-confidence might dispel your shyness a little bit. Do your homework on each GLO so you'll have some things to talk about and ask questions about.

All of us on GC will be pulling for you to find your home!

[HollisterDXiChi]

Hi,
I am a VERRRY shy person and I am the organizer and founder of my sorority. I still have that shy streak but what I would advice you to do is to just go for it. You know you're a great girl, you know you have a great personality, let people know it. Like cherrycola said, start small talk at the grocery store or wiht the people that sit around you in class-start out small with a question like if they understod what the teacher was teaching or get together a study group. One big thing you could do is offer to be an ambassador, like giving tours of your campus and stuff like that. This way, you are pretty much forced to interact with people. Thats what I did. I wish you all the good luck and remember-just go fer it!

[LionTamer]

Actually going through rush would be excellent "exposure therapy" to help learn how to work with your shyness (I'm not sure a shy person every "gets over" being shy, but you can learn tricks and ideas for working around it).

You're so often in a "rush" situation in the real world. Either as a "PNM" in a job interview or joining an organization, or, more frequently, as a "rusher" - interviewing potential new hires at your job (employees outside HR are often asked to speak to job seekers), recruiting people for community groups, making newcomers comfortable at your church/synagogue/Meeting, - so many things during daily life.

I interview people/focus groups for a living, and quickly finding something in common with those being interviewed -- a skill I learned in rush -- REALLY makes things more comfortable for everyone.

[CASIGKAP]

I REALLY wanted to join but ended up missing formal rush so I COB'd. I'm not normally a shy person but this time, I really went into my shell so to speak but I found the courage to talk to the ladies of Sigma Kappa and found that I loved being around them. When I got my Big & Angel Sis, they both said that while I seemed really quiet and shy, they knew that my inner DIVA would be ready to explode out & guess what??? They were right. I am now extremely outspoken & make it a point to try to help other shy sisters and PNM's be more comfortable.

[kk_bama]

Shyness can often be mistaken for snobbery, so if you're too shy to talk, try to make eye contact and smile at your rusher.

If you can work up the courage, TELL her that you're shy, and she'll understand. We KNOW that you're nervous, and many of the girls that come through are shy. Just look interested in what they're asying, and everything will be OK. I'm fairly shy myself, but I'm also the vice president of my chapter.

Sometimes, they'll ask if YOU have any questions for THEM. Try to get a question formed in your head in case this arises, for example, "What do you like about your sorority symbol?" or, "Tell me about your sisterhood," open-ended questions that will keep HER talking rather than YOU.

Hope this helps!

[AXOKatie]

Depending on the social situation i can be nervous or shy or just non-talkative, but obviously you know that talking is a crucial part of recruitment...i definitely agree with everyone's advice that you have to put yourself in unfamiliar situations every day just so that you can learn to cope with the awkwardness of starting a conversation...and i have a lot of sisters who are definitely more shy than me and recruitment is a great way for them to overcome it...some suggestions i have are

- team up with a really talkative friend. tell him/her that you really want to overcome your shyness and go out together. have him/her challenge you in group conversation, ask you questions or include you in debates so that you can slowly get used to being the center of attention. from there, you can go one on one with someone

- practice your smile! a bright and full smile, even when you aren't speaking, let's people know that you're interested in them...same thing with eye contact

- have a few rehearsed questions or stories for recruitment, like something about what you did this summer or why you decided to do recruitment...being caught off-guard with questions may resurrect your shyness as a defense when you're under pressure

- when it's time for recruitment, tell your rho chis about your shyness and they will be able to advise you further and provide encouragement

GOOD LUCK

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

Originally posted by kk_gphib_01
Shyness can often be mistaken for snobbery, so if you're too shy to talk, try to make eye contact and smile at your rusher.

If you can work up the courage, TELL her that you're shy, and she'll understand. We KNOW that you're nervous, and many of the girls that come through are shy. Just look interested in what they're asying, and everything will be OK. I'm fairly shy myself, but I'm also the vice president of my chapter.

Sometimes, they'll ask if YOU have any questions for THEM. Try to get a question formed in your head in case this arises, for example, "What do you like about your sorority symbol?" or, "Tell me about your sisterhood," open-ended questions that will keep HER talking rather than YOU.

Hope this helps!

Very well said.......

[ncsudgalum04]

when i was talking with PNM's during rush, i would ask them if they had any questions for me. if they didn't, it made me think that they weren't interested. i think that if you are shy (i'm a lil shy and a lil not) then keep them talking. they may say something that catches your attention, so build off of that.

if you don't talk that much, it does seem to come off as being uninterested. that is something that is brought up in membership selection, so be sure to let them know that you are very interested. however, don't be overbearing. sometimes, there are girls that can be a little too interested and seem to turn off the sisters. just find your comfort zone and know what you want to talk about. even though you have to find your comfort zone, in preparation for rush, you should "step outside the box." if you want to be part of a greek organization, then you must want to make a change. that requires a little risk taking. a little risk taking (in this sense) isn't gonna kill ya. it will make you a stronger individual and build character. my mom likes to call uncomfortable situations "character building experiences."

one thing that drove me crazy when i was going through was that everybody kept asking me the same questions: what's your name, what year are you, where are you from...same ole same ole. it was so annoying because i'm from a very small town that nobody has ever heard of and i had to explain what cities were close to it (which were none). but i agree with whomever made the suggestion about wear something or have something on yourself that has a personal connection or a story behind it. that way you can tell the story, while at the same time, revealing information about yourself! good luck!

[gogoaphi]

I agree with a lot of what's been said above. You probablly feel like you are unusual because you're shy. The fact of the matter is that most people feel a little shy in these situations. Unless you experience flop-sweat in this sort of situation, I wouldn't get overly concerned.

It is important for you to understand that recruitment is really a MUTUAL selection process. You will be feeling awkward and so will many of the GLO members. After your first round of events, this will likely subside a lot. However, you need to demonstrate your interest in each group by asking questions AND you want to find the group that really is a good fit for you. You will need to make decisions along the way of which chapter's invitations you will accept and which you will regret. The chapters need to impress YOU!

I would develop a list of things you want to know about each group. Memorize the list and fall back to it when there is a lull in conversation. Ask a question that relates to something you really want to know. AND it is REALLY ok to ask the same question of more than one member. You may feel like "I've already asked someone that question, so I better not ask it again." Not true! Ask away! The GLO members will appreciate your inquiries and you might find that you get different answers.

Here are some areas I would want to know about if I was rushing all over again ...

What's it like to be a new member? What are the requirements? When are the meetings? What do I need to do in order to be initiated?

If the group has a chapter house ... What does it cost to live in the chapter house? Is it a requirement for me to live in? Who gets to live in?

What kind of community service do you do? Do you just raise money or do you actually get out in the community and help people?

What kind of academic support will I get from the sorority? What kinds of academic standards do you have? What do you do to keep members motivated? Are there scholarships available through the sorority? Has anyone in your chapter ever got one?

What kind of other campus organizations are your members involved in? Do you have any campus leaders in your chapter?

Etc ...

Maybe others have some ideas too, but this is how I would handle it.

Good luck, my dear! You'll do great! DON'T WORRY!