Not my Sister

CASIGKAP · #1 05-01-2004, 02:15 PM

I was really upset and hurt by a comment made to me by one of my sorority sisters recently.

At a party, she kept trying to get me to drink even though I explained over and over again that I do not drink. I even told her that it's for personal reasons I do not touch alcohol. She then tried to demean me by making fun of my no alcohol lifestyle and even asking me what kind of sister am I if I don't drink.

I was stunned that she would say this to me b/c I was not aware that drinking was a prerequisite to joining (*sarcasm*). I truly feel that either her or me joined for the wrong reasons.

Later, I was told that the only reason I was offered a bid (I COB'd late in the semester) was because the sorority was one member short of making quota. This just put me in tears b/c I don't know if this was true or not. I did join late but I thought that we got along so well and I felt at home with the girls.

Granted, she was pretty wasted when she was saying this but it hurt to hear b/c I've always been under the impression that you tend to get the truth from people when they are drunk. It impairs their judgment so they just blurt things out that should be kept quiet. I am now rethinking my reasons for joining and am really upset.

What should I do?

Tippiechick · #2 05-01-2004, 02:23 PM

My guess is that she felt pretty dumb after trying and trying to get you to drink and not succeeding. She probably felt as if she needed to demean you so that she could still feel good about herself.

Do you feel at home with the group as a whole? If so, then do not let 1 member keep you from being happy. You don't have to get along with everyone in your chapter. They and you should act sisterly toward each other by respecting each other. BUT, there are always going to be people you just can't get along with...

If it were me, I would talk to the chapter advisor or the EC, etc. Let them know what's happened. I can only hope you will get the support you need right now.

PM me if you need someone to talk to...

James · #3 05-01-2004, 02:33 PM

Hey, she's a girl. Girls can be really mean. You know that.

Like Tippie said, she was angry because she didn't get her way. She was drunk so she said something to hurt you.

Ignore it. If you feel bad about it still, confront her directly when she is alone and sober, and don't be afraid to e a little agressive and angry about it.

Girls hate confrontations.

justamom · #4 05-01-2004, 03:16 PM

I've always been under the impression that you tend to get the truth from people when they are drunk. It impairs their judgment so they just blurt things out that should be kept quiet. I am now rethinking my reasons for joining and am really upset.

NO WAY! How many guys have told girls they LOVED them when they were drunk.
How many girls thought they LOVED some guy when they were drunk.

People think they are clever, funny, deep thinking and incredibly cool when they are drunk.

What you get is an over zealous response to what ever is happening at the moment...unless they pass out!

Kevin · #5 05-01-2004, 03:24 PM

Talk with her individually about it before you go to EC or a chapter advisor.

Don't perpetuate drama when you can stomp it out of existance here and now.

Tom Earp · #6 05-01-2004, 03:33 PM

Many times, people will say under the influence of Demon Rum things not normally said or maybe it gave Her courge to say something she might not?

I think ktsnake said it best, go to Her one on one before you turn it into a full blown out drama or crisis amongst your Sisters.

If she still persists, then move to the next level.

chideltjen · #7 05-01-2004, 03:54 PM

does your chapter have a house mediator? in our chapter, we elect a girl who acts as an ear to listen so to speak and if there are issues between two sisters, she can help bring the two to an understanding without involving the entire house and it's confidential. maybe go and talk to her and then maybe she can arrange a meeting between the two of you to solve the situation.

CASIGKAP · #8 05-01-2004, 05:21 PM

You guys are right. I will not let this drop but I'll speak to her alone. At least I'll know that she's sober. For all I know, she might not remember what happened. I'd rather keep this quiet than for it to become an issue that has everyone taking sides.

Thanks for all your advice.

Tom Earp · #9 05-01-2004, 05:25 PM

DolphinChicaDDD · #10 05-01-2004, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Hey, she's a girl. Girls can be really mean. You know that.

HOW TRUE!!!!!

But seriously, talk to her first. I think most of us have said stupid things while drunk and been very regretful the next day. Doubly so if you don't remember the event.

If you don't feel comfortable confronting her alone, ask a sister you trust to come along with you for moral support...just make sure you tell the girl you are confronting that your support is just that, support. and you are not trying to 'gang up' on her.

ASTLuv21 · #11 05-01-2004, 08:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Girls hate confrontations.

That is totally true. Although I am not a typical girl, I rather have the person confront me though.

CutiePie2000 · #12 05-01-2004, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by CASIGKAP
At a party, she kept trying to get me to drink even though I explained over and over again that I do not drink. I even told her that it's for personal reasons I do not touch alcohol.

If someone won't let up about you not drinking, sometimes fudging the truth and saying "I'm allergic and I vomit instantly upon ingesting alcohol" might help (even if that is not really the case).

If you give an answer that might be interpreted as being "evasive", this makes people even more nosy and start pestering you even more and this just opens up additional cans of worms. Whereas, if you just say "I'm allergic", most civilized people will drop the matter then and there.

Example: I know a woman in Junior League who lost her hair, due to chemotherapy. She wore wigs and her "hair" looked sensational. When people (who thought it was her real hair) asked where she got her hair done, she just fudged the truth a bit and replied, "A friend of mine does it". Sure, maybe it's not okay to lie, but on the other hand, it's no one's business that it is NOT her real hair either.

James · #13 05-01-2004, 08:49 PM

Personally, I can get rather short with people that don't take me at my word and badger me about something.

By the second or third time I'll ask them which part of No they didn't understand and at that point end the conversation with a scathing look.

CatStarESP4 · #14 05-01-2004, 10:07 PM

First, when people are drunk, their best judg(e)ment was checked at the door. Alcohol is not like truth serum, so you don't always hear the truth. People tend to do and say things they really don't mean at all under the influence.

Second, you should definitely talk to her alone about her behavior and what she said to you. Tell her that what she said to you was hurtful. Emphasize that you don't drink for personal reasons and that she should have respected your decision, not demean you.

Good luck!

BadSquirrelBeta · #15 05-01-2004, 10:42 PM

Like it or not for her, you are a sister too, and she will just have to always accept that!

I don't think of any chapter that would just stand there and extend a bid to the first person that was just a warm body because they needed numbers.

Remember, there was a WHOLE body of membership that invited YOU into sisterhood and they are proud to have you wear the badge and letters!

Frankly, I think that the girl has a real problem if she is so insecure to be upset that you won't drink with her. What she said was really out of line and hurtful.

She does need to be talked to though and maybe I would go to your Big or another sister that you trust and get this taken care of before it causes a big stir. Most likely, if she has said something this rotten to you while drunk it isn't the first time. It's her that has the issue, hun, not you! Chin up!!