At what point do you cut?

[swissmiss04]

I know that it's a good thing to be forgiving, patient, and understanding. To a point. I am having some issues with people in my life that I feel are taking advantage of these traits and I want to know this: At what point do you cut off your relationship with someone if they are testing your limits? Is it a three strikes and you're out sort of thing? Is it a "wait and see" kind of thing?

[FHwku]

If those boundries are being trampled on, you should let it be known. You should know who your real friends are.

[swissmiss04]

But what really is the best way to let this be known?

[James]

Just say no more often.

I would blow them off for a few weeks and get your had together. Then just say no reflexively a lot. Don't have time to listen, don't make plans with them. . . Unless YOU want to.

They seem to have more power because you do what they want when you don't want to. Thats not their fault.

[XOMichelle]

I have learned over the past few years that if someone is doing something that is bothering me, I need to tell them RIGHT AWAY, or else I get myself into trouble. I would do this with your friends, sit them down and say, "I feel hurt because.." or "I have been angry this past week because...". Remember to stick with the "I" phrases, and not start accusing the person of wrongdoing. That will keep conversation open so you can see if they are willing to work this out. Most likely, they won't realize you feel this way, and they will shape up as soon as they figure out you are hurt.

[James]

You know . . . thats a nightmare conversation when guys hear that from their girlfriends: "I feel hurt".

Never a good time.

Originally posted by XOMichelle
I have learned over the past few years that if someone is doing something that is bothering me, I need to tell them RIGHT AWAY, or else I get myself into trouble. I would do this with your friends, sit them down and say, "I feel hurt because.." or "I have been angry this past week because...". Remember to stick with the "I" phrases, and not start accusing the person of wrongdoing. That will keep conversation open so you can see if they are willing to work this out. Most likely, they won't realize you feel this way, and they will shape up as soon as they figure out you are hurt.

[justamom]

I must hang with James on this. Get some spine (too harsh?)
and as Mrs Reagan said-JUST SAY NO!

The only way to become a doormat, is to allow it to happen.

[AchtungBaby80]

Originally posted by James
You know . . . thats a nightmare conversation when guys hear that from their girlfriends: "I feel hurt".

Never a good time.

But James, when I sub for the counselors at school they're always telling me to teach the kids "I-messages"...you mean I'm doing them a disservice?

[James]

Ahh so you are ruining any chnace of happiness fo a whoile generation of men by teaching that to young girls . . . its your fault!!!!!

But we should end this hijack with you allowing me this last word OTherwise "I might feel hurt"

Originally posted by AchtungBaby80
But James, when I sub for the counselors at school they're always telling me to teach the kids "I-messages"...you mean I'm doing them a disservice?

[OtterXO]

Swissmiss,
I've been going through something like this right now also. There is a person in my life who has consistently taken advantage me. Without going into detial, the last straw with me was a night where this person had a little too much to drink and made me feel this big. At that point I decided that I just could not be friends with this person any more. If someone is taking advantage of you, you don't owe them an explanation-just stop letting them do it! Save your forgiving, patience and understanding for people who deserve it! It sounds blunt, but if someone screws you once-shame on them, twice-shame on you!

[texas*princess]

I definitely agree with OtterXO.

Just recently I had something similiar to that happen, and I can tell you I feel 100% that this isn't an issue with me anymore

[madmax]

As soon as you find a replacement. Until that happens you can keep the person in question around as a backup.