Letting people get to you

alikat2 · #1 03-16-2004, 12:41 PM

So last night my co-worker was making fun of me because the blind date I had Friday night hadn't called me for another date as of Monday. (I wasn't too worried because (a) it's MONDAY and (b) I wasn't like head over heels for the guy; as I posted in a Dating and Relationships thread, there were no real sparks. But anyway, he and another co-worker, whom I had dated, had a great laugh at my expense about it. They were just relishing the fact that I'm supposedly being blown off. I don't know if it was PMS, but I got really upset about it for some reason; I just wanted to cry!!

I felt like it was seven years ago and I was in HS again or something.

I tend to have a smart mouth so I'm not really the kind of girl to just sit there while they pick on me; no shrinking violet here! But it still really bothers me inside.

Lady Pi Phi · #2 03-16-2004, 12:50 PM

I know how you feel.

People can get to me too. I usually just take it until I can't take it anymore and then I let them have it.
Then they think I'm over reacting.

I'm not over reacting though. This is just all the pent up tension from taking their BS for so long that I have to let it out somewhere.

XOMichelle · #3 03-16-2004, 05:45 PM

Oh wow! What assholes!!! Yeah, it would get to me too. I'd probably start insulting the pair back, or do something else to make it known that their awful behavior has no place in my presence. Blow them off! Take lunch with other people.

ps-
that's sexual harassment, and has no place at work!

Tom Earp · #4 03-16-2004, 07:02 PM

Just Tell The Idiots To Piss Off! But, please do it with a smile! Or Not!

Hey, I found the guy to be just like you and became uninterested!

James · #5 03-16-2004, 10:27 PM

Well . . . . uhm . .. laying a life-changing legal charge might be a bit of an over reaction. Or even thinking its at the same level lol.

Quote:

Originally posted by XOMichelle

ps-
that's sexual harassment, and has no place at work!

alikat2 · #6 03-16-2004, 11:02 PM

Hey guys, thanks for not telling me I'm overly sensitive (because I'm sure some would say I am). See, we have a fairly casual work environment and some of the stuff we say/do would not fly anywhere else, believe me! For the most part I get along with these guys, but every once in a while they really irritate me. Maybe I irritate them as well. They didn't pick on me tonight--at least, not about something so "sensitive." And by the way, the guy in question did call me tonight.

James · #7 03-16-2004, 11:33 PM

Well actually, I wasn't going to say you were overly sensitive . .. BUT . . . I was going to say that by your posts on here you seem "sensitive" lol . . and easier to get upset than the average.

You have high maintainance written on you

Quote:

Originally posted by alikat2
Hey guys, thanks for not telling me I'm overly sensitive (because I'm sure some would say I am). See, we have a fairly casual work environment and some of the stuff we say/do would not fly anywhere else, believe me! For the most part I get along with these guys, but every once in a while they really irritate me. Maybe I irritate them as well. They didn't pick on me tonight--at least, not about something so "sensitive." And by the way, the guy in question did call me tonight.

damasa · #8 03-16-2004, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James

You have high maintainance written on you

10 points dude.

alikat2 · #9 03-16-2004, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Well actually, I wasn't going to say you were overly sensitive . .. BUT . . . I was going to say that by your posts on here you seem "sensitive" lol . . and easier to get upset than the average.

You have high maintainance written on you

LOL....well James I won't lie......I've been called high maintenance a time or two (including by the co-worker I dated)

AlethiaSi · #10 03-17-2004, 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lady Pi Phi
I know how you feel.

People can get to me too. I usually just take it until I can't take it anymore and then I let them have it.
Then they think I'm over reacting.

I'm not over reacting though. This is just all the pent up tension from taking their BS for so long that I have to let it out somewhere.

yes! i know exactly what you mean.... this happens a lot with close friends of mine.... for instance... my flatmate- we've been best friends for 3 years- and we lived together last year too- now we're in a different country- and all of the things that didn't bother me before are totally in my face since i don't really have too many places to go (b/c i don'thave my sisters or other firends to go to- like i do at home) she is so closeminded sometimes when she brags about being openminded.... and she's always complaining about things that we all feel (tired- hungry etc) and i really hate that she can be really insensitive sometimes- ( i used to be clinically depressed- and i'm on antidepressants- i struggle with it everyday- and its really hard for me) and she's just like- oh get over it... i've never noticed that she can be sooo harsh... and then when i joke around with her about something- she blows it out of proportion and freaks out.... (the other morning i didn't have my keys to get in- and i woke her up... i was kinda still drunk from the night before and i was like oh come on *sshole get the door... it was harsh- but i was COMPLETELY joking and she should know that- she didn't talk to me for 3 days!)

i don't know what to say to her about all this- but i know one of these days i'm just going to freak out- and our friendship might be over b/c she can't handle criticism like that.... i've lost 3 best friends because when i finally speak up- they can't take it- scream at me and leave... just b/c i was speaking my feelings... so i'm pretty scared to say anything... but i don't know waht else to do... things are better now- her boyfriend is visiting for a few weeks- so i don't ahve to deal with her so much and when i do- things are back to normal- b/c she really is a good friend- listening to me- backing me up etc- thats why it was so weird she started acting so weird here...

XOMichelle · #11 03-17-2004, 12:56 PM

James-
Clearly no one is going to prosecute something like this, but even just hinting to coworkers that their bahavior is in that category can get them to stop. Most people think their reasonable, and if you tell them their behavior is defined by an outside source as over the line, they generally shut up and become professional.
-M

James · #12 03-17-2004, 11:53 PM

Maybe, but also a lot of people would think you are over reacting and psycho . . which would probably get them to shut up also . . a win-win.

Quote:

Originally posted by XOMichelle
James-
Clearly no one is going to prosecute something like this, but even just hinting to coworkers that their bahavior is in that category can get them to stop. Most people think their reasonable, and if you tell them their behavior is defined by an outside source as over the line, they generally shut up and become professional.
-M

Lady Pi Phi · #13 03-18-2004, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AlethiaSi
yes! i know exactly what you mean.... this happens a lot with close friends of mine.... for instance... my flatmate- we've been best friends for 3 years- and we lived together last year too- now we're in a different country- and all of the things that didn't bother me before are totally in my face since i don't really have too many places to go (b/c i don'thave my sisters or other firends to go to- like i do at home) she is so closeminded sometimes when she brags about being openminded.... and she's always complaining about things that we all feel (tired- hungry etc) and i really hate that she can be really insensitive sometimes- ( i used to be clinically depressed- and i'm on antidepressants- i struggle with it everyday- and its really hard for me) and she's just like- oh get over it... i've never noticed that she can be sooo harsh... and then when i joke around with her about something- she blows it out of proportion and freaks out.... (the other morning i didn't have my keys to get in- and i woke her up... i was kinda still drunk from the night before and i was like oh come on *sshole get the door... it was harsh- but i was COMPLETELY joking and she should know that- she didn't talk to me for 3 days!)

i don't know what to say to her about all this- but i know one of these days i'm just going to freak out- and our friendship might be over b/c she can't handle criticism like that.... i've lost 3 best friends because when i finally speak up- they can't take it- scream at me and leave... just b/c i was speaking my feelings... so i'm pretty scared to say anything... but i don't know waht else to do... things are better now- her boyfriend is visiting for a few weeks- so i don't ahve to deal with her so much and when i do- things are back to normal- b/c she really is a good friend- listening to me- backing me up etc- thats why it was so weird she started acting so weird here...

My advice would be to have a sit down with your friend. Tell her how you feel. But try not to be confrontational about it. Don't yell at her and say you're doing this, that and the other thing. Just tell her calmly that you feel that she's being insensitive to your depression. Both of you need to listen to each other. If you're calm about it, she'll be more likely to listen to you and not scream at you and blow things out of proporation.

Of course all this is easier said than done.
It took me a long time to have a discussion with my "friend" (turned out she really wasn't my friend) about how she was treating me. It didn't go so well and nothing was resolved. Partly because I left it so long that I wasn't calm and rational about a lot of things and partly because she was a selfish b****.