How to take it to the next level?

[Noa]

There's this guy that I've been involved with for a little over a year. It's a long situation to get into, but we've dated before and I've been patient in waiting for the correct timing.

Well things in both of our lives have finally settled into place, such as school, careers, and stability. Well the other night I was talking to my guy online because he was out of town on business. I was telling him how amazing it was that we've been together for over a year and how I think I'm ready for the next step: a more committed relationship. I guess I should have known better, because he has problems with expressing emotions like he did when we were dating. But basically he said, "I'm not sure I can committ to a relationship emotionally."

I guess I don't know what that means, and sorta dropped the issue, cuz he was out of town and I hate the online thing. I'm thinking about bringing it up again, but I don't know how to convey my feelings without sounding like I'm pressuring him (or coming on too strong).

We have a long history together and I just want to take it to the next level.

[Kevlar281]

What exactly is "the next level" for you?

[Noa]

Definately not marriage or anything like that. I was thinking in terms of an exclusive relationship. My guy and I are not exclusive; we go out, have fun, do normal things that couples would do. However we're not branded as a couple, and haven't been because as I said before, the timing was off.

I guess what I'm asking is how do I approach him about us becoming an official, exclusive couple rather than (and I hate using this term) friends with benefits-like relationship?

[Kevlar281]

I don’t think there is anyway for me to say this without sounding like an asshole so I’m just going to say it. If yall have been dating for over a year and he has not pursued a committed relationship then he is just keeping you on the back burner till something better comes along. Make a clean break and move on. Of course this is all just my opinion.

[James]

Yeah, when he says he doesn't want a committed relationship, he means he doesn't want one with you.

Another girl might get a committment out of him in a week. It just depends.

You could pressure him and then it becomes a self esteem issue for him, whether he thinks he can replace you right away, or he becomes afraid being alone or something.

That does work, many girls presssure boys into long term committment.

Originally posted by Kevlar281
I don’t think there is anyway for me to say this without sounding like an asshole so I’m just going to say it. If yall have been dating for over a year and he has not pursued a committed relationship then he is just keeping you on the back burner till something better comes along. Make a clean break and move on. Of course this is all just my opinion.

[alikat2]

Originally posted by James
Yeah, when he says he doesn't want a committed relationship, he means he doesn't want one with you.

That's so true......