Sister(Bro)friends, A Question....

[AKA2D '91]

There are many who claim that YES, I want to become a member of ABC, EFG, HIJ all the way to XYZ. After all of the initiations have ended and the WORK begins, many step away from what he or she "wanted so badly". For whatever reason(s) financial, "bitterness", "selfishness", etc.

How or what would you suggest to your line/intake brother or sister to RECLAIM that eagerness, drive, determination, and spirit he or she had while on pursuit for that dream? If, in fact it was a "dream"....

[Diva7401]

In these days of "instant gratification" I, personally have learned to "truly appreciate" the things in my life that I have had to "WORK HARD" for. Being that I am meticulous about the goals and dreams that I choose to pursue; I consider the ALL variables. My advise to a sister would be to REMEMBER that being accepted to XYZ organization should be "Greatly Esteemed" for it is a "PRIVILEDGE" no a "RIGHT" and now it is OUR time to prove that our efforts were not in vain. I would remind them that we must lead by example and not settle for "mediocre" standards.

[RedAngel]

My advice would be to let that Soror know that they are missed, that their knowledge is invaluable and we care about you. Sometimes knowing that somebody cares about them can make all the difference in the world. I know one Soror that re-activated on the spot after we said just that.

[Little32]

I would email her the speech that PJ made to Mona's mother on Skeephi As the Sands Burn. I don't think there was a dry eye in the house, GDI or member, after reading the speech. I think that it so eloquently stated what it means to want to be a part of any sisterhood and perhaps it will evoke some nostalgia.
Seriously though, I would start by trying to get here to reminisce about her days before joining the organization, the days when just the though of being offered membership made her feel exhilerated. The feeling that she had after she crossed.
Depending on the sister and her zeal for community service, I might mention some of the upcoming projects, letting her know that her leadership and creativity (as, of course, she would possess these qualities) were truly missed. With some, a call to service might inspire where others attempts fail.
I think that the most important thing to remind her of is the sisterly bond. Everything that I would say to her would be meant to rekindle that feeling.

[This message has been edited by Little32 (edited May 06, 2001).]

[AKA2D '91]

ONLY 3 RESONSES?

I know all those folks out there in TV, I mean CyberSpace has something to say.

[Ideal08]

Soror AKA2D, thanks for posting this. Good topic!

Lastpoet, I'm diggin' your response! In your words, "much respect."

I'm now awaiting more posts.

[112Soul]

Hmm...
this is indeed a good ? and deserves much thought... if (I) had a line brother that became inactive, what would I do to make them "RECLAIM that eagerness, drive, determination, and spirit he or she had while on pursuit for that dream? If, in fact it was a "dream".... "

I think I would try something different than what has been said before... I would try some of the things that have been said before.

First, I would find out WHY they became inactive. Do they still have the love for the brotherhood? What is the financial situation? Is there something "personal" going on in there life that they need "a little" time away to sort those things out? Of did they get lazy on me? I will deal with these specific issues because those are the ones I can give the best issues for at this time.

Okay, starting with the last.. "did they get lazy on me?" If the answer is yes then I would have to kick his .... No, I would bring them along to any functions that the chapter was having or to a service project that either the chapter is doing or something he would like. Their is cure for lazyiness (like a kick in the...). Either way, if it is lazyiness, I would take the initiative to make hime active. If it is not lazyiness and he is incapable, then I would have to find a for him to do events and feel like he can be active.

If it is a personal problem to the extent that he needed to see a psych or get other professional help; then I would have to give him his space to get better. After all, I would want all the brothers to be healthy. If not, I would help where I could. Then, I would slowly bring him in the swing of things, if he hasn't done so already.

If it is financial, I would have to get a "we need this brotha!" fund started or something like that.

Lastly, does he have love for the brotherhood... that is a tough one. If yes, then it is simple... if not, I would have to do what Little32 said and jog the memory. If it is because of bitterness then that would depend on the situation, cause if he hollers enough to wear the love turns to hate... I would have to let him go.

I don't like the last answer as much as the other three, but that is what I would try to do.


112

[lastpoetnsite]

much respect...

*being almost done with finals gives folx time to reply to questions they've always wanted to!*

having been president of the black student union for this year i have watched people come and go. and with each one i have tried to encourage them to come back into the fold to work on any issues that may have prompted them to drop out.

some with success with others i have not been so lucky. what i have noticed that those that are committed to the goals and the service of the organization are not so hard to convince as the others who were only interested in getting into parties for free.

so what can you say to a grown person who has chosen to not be a part of an organization that you both worked hard to build? you can give them a speech about the founders and their struggles and harken back to the hardest moments on line and how you pulled through...together as a team as a family. you can remind them of the process and how fun but how difficult it was. and you can give them some tough love...like...

"hey someone got denied membership who might be a little more into this than you! think about how privileged and lucky you are to have this?! some people dream their whole lives to have this and you are just throwing it all away!"

*of course that tactic might not work*

some of the issues that you listed can be worked on...

-financial: maybe the sisters can get together and figure out a way to help with the absent sister's costs
-bitterness: maybe there needs to be a nice long b**ching session

but the selfishness thing...well for the most part those are the people who just did it for the perks. and unless someone can convince them otherwise...there is little that can be done. maybe as they grow older and wiser they will see the mistakes in their ways.

overall...its important that before one "disses" a sister or brother that there is a conversation that is to be had. sometimes communication can bring out some issues that have been overlooked or bring out some feelings that have been held in check for too long and need to come out.

the important thing is communicate then decide whether this person is someone who is just down on their luck or is just a "t-shirt wearer"

peace

[mccoyred]

Fellow Greeks, this came to me in an email and I thought it would be appropriate to share it on this thread.

*********************************************

WAS IT ME?

I made a decision back in the past,
to join a fraternity or sorority at last.
The decision, I made was from my heart,
time has passed, I'm not doing my part.
What happen between now and then? Was, I committed or
just wanting to fit in?

Oh!!!! My organization is the best,
LQQK, I still wear the letters on my chest.
What have I done to help it grow?
Pay dues, community service, meeting, mentoring.............NO.
I am just a member who's on the inactive roll,
has my organization moved forward, "Hell, I don't know."

What has happen to the fire in me?
Don't pay my dues, but wear the letters you see.
My house, office and car has it all, cups glasses, boards, banners, key
changes and more.
I have grown and time has changed,
I have a bond with those on my line. (only)

Those are true brothers and sister you see.
Where I am now, they don't understand me,
don't have time for those games.
Furthermore, what can "They" do for me?
I have a family, job and business you see.
Yes, I made a promise on that day,
would hold high the aims,
never to stray.

Your organization is dying, yes because of you.
Will you be too busy for the funeral too?
There will come a time when your children will say.....
Mom/Dad what happen to the organization you once belong to?
What will you tell them as tears swell in your eyes?
Will it be the truth or some small lie?
Just tell them it died.............
"Because I was too busy to be involved."

written by: Zimbalist F. Chalk
Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc.
Fall 1986 Theta Chi
Northwestern State University

Authors note: The torch of your organization is burning slow. Do your part.
If you cannot attend every event, become active then empower those who can
and will. ($$$$) Yes, it's all about the dollars. Try not putting gas in
your car and driving it. What happens to a dream deferred? Reflect on what
you had to endure to wear those letters. Better yet, think about what your
founder's endured. Think about those young/old lives you as a member made a
difference. You are the leaders of yesterday, today and tomorrow. You are
the oil that keeps your organization torch burning. You are: ALPHA, AKA,
KAPPA, DELTA, OMEGA, SIGMA, ZETA, RHO. You are your dream.



------------------
MCCOYRED
Mu Psi '86
BaltCo Alumnae

Dynamic...Salient...Temperate...Since 1913

[KELLYGIRL]

The humble opinion of a humble SISTERFRIEND--If someone in my chapter decided that for whatever reason they would not be active in the organization i would make it my personal duty to find out why and see if i can do any thing to change her mind. If the reason is time, when she does have free time then project will always be sent her way. From some of the people that i know who are greek their problem is a personal one that is an internal chapter issue. That need to be worked out because "sisterhood" is deeper thatn any argument over anything. I would then ask her why she became a member and remind her of the principals that her founders left for her, Would she be ashamed if one of the founders looked her way. Its up to the chapter to amke sur that no one is lost in the shuffle of Parties and service.
that just what i think