What would you do if?

[Shine]

SCROLL DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS THREAD AND SEE HOW THIS HAS BEEN UNFOLDING!

So, I was in a long distance relationship that was kind of "put on hold" until he moves back close.

We kept up a lot of the flirting and affection, but it became really platonic.

Lately he's been obviously distancing himself from me, and telling me that he can no longer afford time on the phone and is too busy to IM.

There was never really any true closure to the relationship.

Then last night I was talking to one of my good girlfriends here and she was telling me about how she was having a little long distance tryst with my ex complete with long phone calls. Now, I can't blame her or anything, she didn't become my friend until after he and I had split, but I still feel like total shit about this.

So. What would you do? Is there anything I can do? Am I wrong in feeling betrayed and hurt and really damn schitty about this?

[Sadeyes21]

That really sucks. I think it is ok to feel upset. It really sucks that the guy couldn't tell you he didn't want to move beyond platonic friends. At least your friend was honest with you. Have a good cry!!

[tcsparky]

Lose him. Put him out of your life. He is not worth you using even a single minute of your life worrying about him.

[bethany1982]

Forget about him... He does not deserve you.

[Shine]

Originally posted by Sadeyes21
That really sucks. I think it is ok to feel upset. It really sucks that the guy couldn't tell you he didn't want to move beyond platonic friends. At least your friend was honest with you. Have a good cry!!

Yeah. I mean, we went from being completely in love to just friends and now to him fucking around with my friend.

Damn.

[Shine]

Originally posted by Hootie
Dump him outta your life. If he comes crawling back then ask him if he thought you were stupid enough not to find out what he was up to. Until then, don't spend another minute worrying about him or trying to get his attention. If you see him online, don't IM him. Don't forward him emails, and don't answer his calls. Make yourself unavailable. If he really was a friend (at any point) he wouldn't treat you that way!

Yeah, this is pretty much what I figured I'd end up doing. I'm not sure how I'm going to act around her now, but I know that he needs to be pushed out of my life, and quickly.

[Shine]

Looks like I gotta take the high road and put the bastard behind me.

Damn. Just when I thought I was gettin all my shit together, something else happens to throw a bump in the road.

[AlphaGamDiva]

maybe you are a much bigger person than i am, but it would BE SO HARD for me to be cool with this person....but i guess a few questions b/4 i think she's a completely un-cool friend:

1-did she know about your situation while it was becoming non-romantic? (i realize you weren't friends until after the split....but did you talk to her while it was mellowing out?)
2-how long did it take her to tell you that she and him were moving in "that direction?"


not to sound bitchy or whatever, but....friend before or after the relationship wouldn't matter to me......i would never be able to go after one of my current friend's exes......no matter when she dated him....ESPECIALLY if i knew she was still coping with the split. that's just me, though, and i think it's awesome you can be open to both of these people in your lives being together.....shows who the true friend is here in this situation. mad respect....

DEF toss the guy, though, he's not worth it. a very delicate issue you're having to deal with......good luck and don't get down!!! there's always something better!!!!!

[ToBeSororityGrl]

Do you consider her your friend still? If any of my friends started to have long phone conversations, flirt, or go beyond just talking with the love of my life I would not consider them a friend. She so stabbed you in the back and I'm really sorry this happened to you. Not only having a bad breakup but the friend thing. Ugh. My advice, take him off your buddy list that way you'll never know if he's on then you won't be so tempted to talk with him. Just hold your head up high and you'll be the better person

[Attractive#7]

Ok...let me play devil's advocate cuz I was in a similar situation right. So i met this guy and he was so cute and cool right. And i met this girl and she was really cool too. So I'm kickin it with both of them seperately and me and the girl are becomin like sisters and me and the guy are kickin it kinda tough. So one day i found out they used to talk. The guy is saying it was really nothing, but she really liked him alot. Mutual friends of ours are saying it was nothing but she was sprung. She is saying they were practically in love and that they had a relationship. He told me it was just sex. She was tellin me how much she liked him, but then again she said that about like 10 other guys on campus so who do i believe??? For a while i tried to go out with him and hide it from her, but she caught us twice, but she thought they were group dates. Finally I just gave it up. So now me and her are still friends and I dont really talk to him. I realized that my friendship with her was worth more than any boy. But I never told her cuz i didn't wanna hurt her. So try looking at it from her point of view. Maybe she thought it was ok cuz you 2 were broken up. Either way it goes, I think the guy is wrong for what he did and you should let him go, but don't give up on your friend.

[Shine]

Thanks for all the words, everyone.

I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with the friend. She now knows the extent of my past relations with the ex, so I do sort of think it would be shady to have her keep up her antics.

And for the record, my ex and I were very much in love with EACH OTHER, so it's not me that was hung up on a guy that didn't like me or something.

I pretty much know he's gotta be gone from my life. His actions have no excuse.

[Shine]

So I've been venting about this situation in my LJ, and apparently my friend reads it. I had no idea she even knew I had one.

Well, this morning she sent me this amazingly condescending e-mail telling me that I need to learn to move on with life and let my ex go. Then she went on talking about her ex husband and told me how I need to grow up and move on.

Then she chewed me out and told me that the entire time her and I talked about this, I never thought to ask how she felt.

Well, I never asked because she already told me herself that the extent of their relationship was just flirting.

Then in the e-mail, she comes clean and tells me how IN LOVE she is with him and how important he is to her and how they've been planning on having him come out here to visit her and try out a relationship for months.

WHAT THE?!?!?

WHO THE!?!?!

ACK!

Help meeeeeee.

[pinkyphimu]

ditch them both!!!

he was not being honest with you. enuff said.

she should be a little more understanding that you thought that you might get back together with this ex. when did they start talking...and how did it relate to when he told you that he couldn't afford to talk to you anymore (time-wise, i mean)? send her packing, too!!!

[Shine]

Originally posted by pinkyphimu
ditch them both!!!

he was not being honest with you. enuff said.

she should be a little more understanding that you thought that you might get back together with this ex. when did they start talking...and how did it relate to when he told you that he couldn't afford to talk to you anymore (time-wise, i mean)? send her packing, too!!!

Oh, it was practically at the same time.

I just find the funniest part of this all how she kept telling me it was "just flirting" between them until he confirmed to her my side that he and I were very much an in-love couple.

Now suddenly she's telling me how enamoured with each other they are and how he's her perfect little boy.

That whole thing is screwed up.

And ever since that night we talked, she hasn't been showing up on my buddy list. Looks like someone sees little old me as competition.

Shady shady deal, I tell ya.

The sad thing is, I'm not even upset at her or about the relationship itself, but all the lying and shady deals that have gone along with it.

[Shine]

Wow Aurora, that's pretty heavy.

I've been through a few situations like this, but this is my first one dealing with someone I was actually deeply in love with.