Failed Realtionship a Waste of time?

[James]

I was talking to a friend the other day, she is just graduating from college and was dating the same guy for three years.

Now he wants to go far away for Grad School and she is't sure whether she wants to relocate or not, or whether that would even work anyway.

So then she says a key phrase: "Well I hope I haven't wasted the last three years . . . " This applies to the idea that they wouldn't get engaged/married, obviously that had been an expectation (her being a girl and all ).

So my question to those of you that have been in long term relationshipsand maybe cherished the tender idea of marriage, did you/ do you think that it you wasted X years of your life that you might have been better served to be with someone else that might have led to forever?

[33girl]

I think they are only "wasted" if you haven't learned anything from the relationship or if you never had ANY good times (and if the latter is true why would you stick around for multiple years).

Life is not a series of things to check off to get from here to there, or it shouldn't be. If you look at a relationship as a tollbooth on the way to the Marriage Exit, you will most likely be very disappointed at some juncture, whether it's breaking off something you are enjoying because "I'm not getting there on my timetable" or because you get to that goal and it doesn't measure up to what you thought it would be.

[Sister Havana]

I was with my last boyfriend for five and a half years. I don't consider that wasted time. I did learn many things...first and foremost, that I am able to maintain a relationship past six months. I also learned that I can be involved with people completely the opposite of me. We were so different. I'd never tasted deer jerky or knew anything about demolition derbies before I met him (love deer jerky, can take or leave demolition derbies) and he never knew about the Internet (really!) or had been out of the US before he met me.

And after we broke up, you would not believe how many people thought we broke up because I wanted to get married but he wasn't ready, when actually it was the other way around! (The reason we broke up was because our lives were going in two very different directions and we could not come to a compromise on several important issues...it was time to end it.)

[Munchkin03]

I'm a little (well, a lot) intoxicated, but I think I'd say the same thing sober.

Everything you do in life is a learning experience. If you honestly can go through college without growing in some way, then something's seriously wrong. If I were to break up with my sig other tomorrow, I wouldn't feel as if those four years were wasted--I've learned so much about myself and human nature that whether or not I got married wouldn't matter.

[justamom]

I agree with all the above.

The only exception I see is if either of the two held on too long.
You know, when people feel they have invested "x" number of years and try desperately to make it work. THAT'S a big waste of time to me.

[Rio_Kohitsuji]

I too, "wasted" 2 years with an exboyfriend. The reason it was wasted because it was a worthless relationship that could have been spent better with someone else. After we broke up and I started dating my present boyfriend (it was a 2 week "single" period ) the guys came out of the woodwork saying how much they wanted to date me and etc. I mean, c'mon, I could have spent those 2 years having fun and dating around, not dealing with a jerkoff!

[KillarneyRose]

Originally posted by 33girl
I think they are only "wasted" if you haven't learned anything from the relationship or if you never had ANY good times (and if the latter is true why would you stick around for multiple years).

Life is not a series of things to check off to get from here to there, or it shouldn't be. If you look at a relationship as a tollbooth on the way to the Marriage Exit, you will most likely be very disappointed at some juncture, whether it's breaking off something you are enjoying because "I'm not getting there on my timetable" or because you get to that goal and it doesn't measure up to what you thought it would be.

As usual, 33Girl hit the nail on the head!

PS why are you mad at Mayor Murphy?
PPS is Sophie Masloff still alive??

[33girl]

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
PS why are you mad at Mayor Murphy?
PPS is Sophie Masloff still alive??

Mayor Murphy's Lazarus store that the public basically paid for is closing. So is Lord & Taylor. He could have used the $$$ he spent on these white elephants to help the local businesses that are here. Oh whoops! I forgot - black people patronize those businesses and Smurfy doesn't want any of THOSE downtown, he wants it to be Pleasantville!! Silly me!!! They're trying to get a grocery store downtown which he'll probably fight to kill since it means people would come in from the Hill District to shop there.

He actually said that the reason the city & suburbs haven't merged is because the suburbs are full of racists and his friends won't come to visit him. That tells me that he is an a-hole with a-hole friends, not that there are racists in the burbs. http://www.pittsburghpostgazette.com...348/250718.stm

As you probably know we are in "distressed city" status. The city pools have been shut down and a bunch of cops and school crossing guards were fired. Also, the parking tax is going up downtown - I don't really care since I bus, but everyone is having fits - and the occupational tax may go up as well.

So that is why I am pelting him with slaw & fries.

Yes Sophie is still alive - they did a makeover on her in the paper. It was scary.

[KillarneyRose]

Originally posted by 33girl
Yes Sophie is still alive - they did a makeover on her in the paper. It was scary.

Yikes! lol

[adpialumcsuc]

The relationship I had before my husband lasted about 5 years and if you asked me 6 years ago I would have said Yes it was wasted time but as I got further away from it I realized that I needed that relationship to grow myself. I leanred a lot about myself and what I want out of a relationship. I may not have gotten that stuff if I had stayed in that relationship. Everything happens for a reason. You learn from it an move on.

NOW ON THE FLIP SIDE...My brother dated a girl for 9 nine years and then married her. They were married for 3 years and one morning she called me and said she was sorry but she had never loved him and she was leaving. She couldn't even face him to tell him. The starnge thing about it was that after 9 years she gave him an ultimatum that they needed to get married she was going to leave. He gave in and then she pulled this on him. They are still friends but she lives with another guy and is pulling the same stuff. I do find this to be a waste of his time...However I am sure he learned a lot.

[sororitygirl2]

I dated a boyfriend for four years and after it ended, I never considered it a waste of time. We had a great time, we learned a lot and he prepared me to go out into the world with a better idea of what I wanted in a relationship. It's just like a career, sometimes you have to do what you don't want to do to learn what you do want to do.

And, as a plus, I got a good friend out of the deal.

[absolutuscchick]

Nothing is a waste of time, because in every life experience, even if it's not pleasant, you'll have learned alot. Just think how much each party has learned, even just making their relationship work for those three years. While it's definitely depressing that it didn't work, the life experience that she has gained from it is invaluable. No part of life is ever a waste of time. In EVERYthing, we learn something. And it is all of that learning that makes us who we are today, and better prepares us for our next challenge.

[FeeFee]

Originally posted by absolutuscchick
In EVERYthing, we learn something. And it is all of that learning that makes us who we are today, and better prepares us for our next challenge.

This needs to be repeated.

[James]

ttt

[Coramoor]

Relationships are something to pass the time.