Personal Issues help me

CodeBlue_R3 · #1 02-08-2004, 01:21 AM

I found out my boyfriend is married, which would make me his mistress. I've been dating this dude for nine months so what he had is pretty strong. He's supposed to be getting a divorce, but you never know how that page is going to turn. She is supposed to come back to live with him at the beginning of March since we just found out her mother is dying. He was going to file for divorce then, but now it would be bad timing.

At the same time one of the guys I was dating is back in the country, he's a soldier. He messed up and treated me wrong saying I was smuggling him and whatnot, but we just got off the phone and now he wants to hook back up. But I really am feeling the married guy-what should I do?

toocute · #2 02-08-2004, 01:31 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by CodeBlue_R3
But I really am feeling the married guy-what should I do?

Stay away from the married dude. FAR FAR AWAY. If he will cheat on his wife he will cheat on you. He lied to you from JUMP by not telling you he was married. Stay away....

Can someone with linking skills link the thread from DST Blvd on this topic over here? Thanks.

Ideal08 · #3 02-08-2004, 01:33 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by CodeBlue_R3
But I really am feeling the married guy-what should I do?

*sigh*

What do you think you should do? I mean, for real?

1) He lied.
2) He's married.
3) He lied.
4) He's married.
5) Did I mention that he lied?
6) Did you know that he was married?

I think you get the picture.

#4 02-08-2004, 02:18 AM

I highly doubt you're going to get anyone here to tell "OH YES...CONTINUE BEING HIS MISTRESS".

Your integrity and self-respect should be most important right now, not the fact that "you're feeling this guy". He'll tell you things like "I'm divorcing her soon, blah blah blah" just so he can keep on stringing you along.

Say you guys end up being together and he divorces her, do you honestly think that you won't be wondering everyday "Is he lying and cheating on me?".

Don't be a mistress. It really makes you look bad, especially now that you know he has a wife.

Clockwork08 · #5 02-08-2004, 02:44 AM

I am always been a big believer in karma, and messing around with a married man knowingly is bound to catch up with you eventually.

Plus, I want you to know that you deserve to be someone's number one choice and not the girl on the side that he hides, and comes to only when he wants some fun.

Let's say he does leaves his wife, how could you ever trust him? You'll become that woman trying track his ever move, always being paranoid, and frankly no guy is worth that

CrimsonTide4 · #6 02-08-2004, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ideal08
*sigh*

What do you think you should do? I mean, for real?

1) He lied.
2) He's married.
3) He lied.
4) He's married.
5) Did I mention that he lied?
6) Did you know that he was married?

I think you get the picture.

I agree with everyone who has posted thus far.

By staying with him or even CONTEMPLATING staying with him, you are saying to yourself, that you are NOT WORTHY of a man who loves you and loves only you. You are WORTHY of a man all your own; one who does not want to share you. This man wants his cake, eat it too, and for you and his wife to cut the slices.

Leave him alone. If you don't leave him alone, you are saying: Here is my heart, my self-worth, etc. etc. take it and use it.

I just read a book: If Men Are Like Buses, Then How Do I Catch One by Michelle McKinney-Hammond. . .such a blessing such a blessing.

Married Men Thread in DST forum

Let him gooooooo, he is not the BUS that God has for you. Get yourself tested because chances are you are not the only one he has cheated on his wife with.

btb87 · #7 02-08-2004, 09:31 AM

Everybody is right on point with their advice. But here's more.

You also need to stay away from GI Joe as well. If you want to get back with him at a later date, (after cutting ties with Mr. Marriedman) then so be it, but right now, you need to take some time for yourself. Even if you were to get involved with GI Joe again, do you have evidence that he's changed? In other words, how do you know he won't get tired of you smothering him again?

Now, you've been involved with Mr. Marriedman for nearly a year but have been dealt a horrible blow. It takes time to recover from that. I don't agree with the belief that the best way to get over one man is to get involved with another. Also, don't wait around for him to get a divorce. Just because they weren't living together, they're still MARRIED. If the marriage was that bad, he would have been trying like the dickens to get divorced before now, even if it would have cost him an arm and a leg.

And btw. . .do something nice for YOURSELF.

CrimsonTide4 · #8 02-08-2004, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by btb87
Everybody is right on point with their advice. But here's more.

You also need to stay away from GI Joe as well. If you want to get back with him at a later date, (after cutting ties with Mr. Marriedman) then so be it, but right now, you need to take some time for yourself. Even if you were to get involved with GI Joe again, do you have evidence that he's changed? In other words, how do you know he won't get tired of you smothering him again?

Now, you've been involved with Mr. Marriedman for nearly a year but have been dealt a horrible blow. It takes time to recover from that. I don't agree with the belief that the best way to get over one man is to get involved with another. Also, don't wait around for him to get a divorce. Just because they weren't living together, they're still MARRIED. If the marriage was that bad, he would have been trying like the dickens to get divorced before now, even if it would have cost him an arm and a leg.

And btw. . .do something nice for YOURSELF.

DEFINITELY. . . you need time to yourself. But do not take the time to wallow in your hurt. Give yourself time to grieve. Recognize the lesson. You have to have a TEST to produce the TESTimony.

Realize that God is the only one who can comfort you and restore you. Allow him to comfort you. Seek His will and be obedient to his voice.

It pains me to see any woman go through this, but you had to go through this so that others could be blessed from your testimony.

SummerChild · #9 02-08-2004, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by toocute
Stay away from the married dude. FAR FAR AWAY. If he will cheat on his wife he will cheat on you. He lied to you from JUMP by not telling you he was married. Stay away....

Can someone with linking skills link the thread from DST Blvd on this topic over here? Thanks.

Say that! I agree completely.
Ladies, let's not be fooled into thinking that a cheating man is only a cheating man b/c of his wife and that we can cure him of all of his faults. We are dynamic women but if his character is to cheat, then that is his character, plain and simple.

SC

lovelyivy84 · #10 02-08-2004, 03:04 PM

I agree with my Soror btb87 100%.

You don't need to be messing with anyone right now.

We tend to attract the kind of people we believe we deserve. You have two men here who have disrespected and mistreated you. Take a time out and find out why you don't have a positive male force in your life before you have a new one, or let an old one back in.

darling1 · #11 02-08-2004, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by CodeBlue_R3
I found out my boyfriend is married, which would make me his mistress. I've been dating this dude for nine months so what he had is pretty strong. He's supposed to be getting a divorce, but you never know how that page is going to turn. She is supposed to come back to live with him at the beginning of March since we just found out her mother is dying. He was going to file for divorce then, but now it would be bad timing.

At the same time one of the guys I was dating is back in the country, he's a soldier. He messed up and treated me wrong saying I was smuggling him and whatnot, but we just got off the phone and now he wants to hook back up. But I really am feeling the married guy-what should I do?

i cosign with everyone's comments thus far. in addition, whatever you decide, konw that your lover may use his mother-in-law's health as an excuse to stay with his wife.

as far as the other dude, puleaze! if he claims you were so bad to him then why is he calling?

please don't continue to be a tool for these emotionally incompetant men.

Munchkin03 · #12 02-08-2004, 05:02 PM

Do you know what happens when a man leaves his wife to marry his mistress?

He creates a job opening.

allsmiles_22 · #13 02-08-2004, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by CodeBlue_R3
But I really am feeling the married guy-what should I do?

So you can acknowledge that the ex messed up and treated you wrong, however you have no problems feeling the married guy who lied to you for nine months? Maybe it's just me, but if I invest my time into a man, I'm going to be hella pissed when I find out he's been playing with my emotions.

I can sympathize with you being sad that someone you cared about lied to you. I cannot sympathize with you for continuing to stay with someone who never respected you from the get or for having thoughts of entertaining the loser from the past.

PSA: As much as we like to blame men for how they act, they can only do what we allow them to get away with. So, LADIES PLEASE STOP BEING PRESSED OVER LOSERS. You’ll save yourself time, energy, and feelings that could be spent on a man who’s worth it. You’ll help him realize some women will not stand for his chit and possibly save the next woman from dealing with the same thing. Finally, you’ll spare your friends and family all the drama of “guess what he did now”. Thanks!

SummerChild · #14 02-09-2004, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by lovelyivy84

We tend to attract the kind of people we believe we deserve.

So true, so true. And some of us wonder why we always seem to attract the drama that others don't attract. We sometimes have something to do with it, IMO. We may not even know it.

SC

Special1920 · #15 02-09-2004, 11:56 PM

Well I wish all you ladies lived in Chicago, I'll feel well assured even if my husband was looking, he wouldn't have any takers....lol!
Unfortunately it seems that no one cares any more. The men who said I do and the women who says I will.
Stop the madness. Please cut this relationship off cold turkey.
9 months is not all that much time, how long has he been married?