So SAD/ANGRY

Conskeeted19 · #1 01-31-2001, 10:38 PM

Yall, I am so sad and so angry at the same time. My 9th grader asked if she could talk to me in the closet. Mind you, if we go to the closet it is serious-very serious. I grabbed some tissue because tears are usually shed in the closet, prayers are made in the closet....Well, anyway she told me that she is 2 months pregnant. Sorors and sisterfriends this is the 5th young lady this month. Lets see.....one seventh grader, two eighth graders, one ninth grader and one 11th grader. Two ninth graders and one 10th grader and one 12 grader have already had babies. This is so depressing. I have a ninth grade (male) student who fathered two of the babies. He can barely read. We need to do something-but what! I talk and I talk and I talk. I mean I really get real with them. This is a rural area and there is not much to do. Why do they want these babies so desperately? They walk around so proud. I forgot that one of our 7th graders just had a baby about a month ago. She told me that her labor was not all that bad. She was out with the baby the next week. What is really going on! This troubles my soul. How can these young kids be mothers and fathers to their children when they are but children themselves? Yall, I am so grieved. The more I talk the worse it gets. The counselor and the local health department have been educating them about STDs, pregnancy, drugs etc... Maybe I need to just shut up!Does anyone have any suggestions? I am all ears!

babyjsc · #2 01-31-2001, 11:04 PM

MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO THE PRINICIPAL OF YOUR SCHOOL, EXPRESS YOUR CONCERN FOR THE SEXUAL INVOLVEMENT OF YOUR STUDENTS.. ESPECIALLY THE YOUNGER ONES.. AND SOMEHOW TRY TO GET APPROVAL TO START SOME TYPE OF PROGRAM/SEMINAR TO EDUCATE THE CHILDREN ABOUT PROMISCUITY..INSTEAD OF YOU DOING IT ALONE.. TALK WITH THE TEACHERS IN YOUR SCHOOL AND WITH OTHER TEACHERS IN YOUR SCHOOL DISTRICT... FIND OUT IF THEY ARE HAVING THE SAME PROBLEMS AND SEE IF MAYBE YOU LADIES AND GENTLEMEN CAN COME UP WITH MAYBE A DISTRICT PROGRAM TO HELP THE STUDENTS OF ALL RESPECTIVE SCHOOLS.. BUT MORE SO.. CONTACT THE PARENTS OF ALL THE STUDENTS.. TRY TO GET THE PARENTS TOGETHER ONE NIGHT AND TALK TO THEM ABOUT YOUR CONCERN, AND GET OTHER TEACHERS AND THE PRINCIPAL INVOLVED.... TRY TO DETERMINE WHAT YOU , THE PARENTS AND THE ADMINISTRATION THINK IS THE PROBLEM.. TRY TO DETERMINE WHATS CAUSING THE KIDS TO GET THEMSELVES INTO THESE TYPES OF SITUATIONS.. MAYBE ITS TOO MUCH TIME ON THERE HANDS.. MY GRANDMOTHER ONCE TOLD ME THAT AN IDLE MIND IS THE DEVILS WORKSHOP... IF THAT IS THE CASE THEN MAYBE YOUR SCHOOL DISTRICT OR PARTICULAR SCHOOL NEEDS TO INITIATE SOME TYPE OF AFTER SCHOOL PROGRAM FOR THE KIDS..... RECENTLY , IN MY HOMETOWN , THEY STARTED AN AFTERSCHOOL PROGRAM AT WHICH I VOLUNTEER AT.. THE KIDS ARE ENTERTAINED AND HAVE PLENTY OF RECREATONAL THINGS TO DO.. ITS HELD IN AN ELEMENTRY SCHOOL GYM HERE IN TOWN AND THE GYM IS A CENTRAL LOCATION FOR THE SCHOOLS (ITS NOT A TRANSPORTATION PROBLEM FOR THE KIDS TO ATTEND.. AND ALSO SOMETIMES WE OFFER TO GO AND PICK UP THE KIDS) WELL WITH THIS PROGRAM WE HAVE PLAY TIME AND WE HAVE WHAT WE CALL CHAT AND CHEW TIME.. WE GIVE THE KIDS INFORMATION ABOUT SCHOOL, TEACH THEM LIFE LESSONS, TALK KTO THEM ABOUT HOMELIFE AND WE DO EDUCATE THEM ON PROMISCUITY.. WE FEED THEM DRINKS AND SNACKS AFTER THE CHATTING AND SOMETIMES INFORMATIONAL GAMES WE DESIGN TO TEACH THE KIDS.. ALSO WE HAVE DIFFERENT "SESSIONS" WITH THE KIDS AND HAVE BEAUTY DAYS FOR THE LADIES AND THINGS LIKE THAT , WHICH WE HAVE AT THE END OF THE WEEK TO MOTIVATE THE KIDS TO CONTINUE COMING.. ALSO WE HAVE DANCES ADN OTHER PARTIES FOR THE YOUNG TEENS WHICH ARE SUPERVISED BY COLLEGE STUDENTS AND YOUNG ADULTS.. WE GIVE THEM SAFE AND WELL SUPERVISED PLACES TO HANG OUT...ITS WORKED REALLY WELL.. ALOT OF TIME IN "OUR" COMMUNITIES WE HAVE ALOT OF PROBLEMS WITH PARENTS NOT BEING ABLE TO BE AT HOME WITH THEIR KIDS AS MUCH AS THEY NEED TO .. THE KIDS REALIZE THAT THEIR PARENTS ARE FREQUENTLY GONE AND THEY COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT THEY CAN DO AS THEY PLEASE WITHOUT THE PRESENCE OF AN ADULT.. IN MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCES WITH THIS MANY TIMES I CAME TO THE CONCLUSION IT WAS JUST A MATTER OF HAVIND ADULT SUPERVISION THAT THE KIDS NEEDED.. I AM SINCERELY SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOU HAVE KIDS BARELY IN HIGH SCHOOL FATHERING AND MOTHERING CHILDREN.. I HOPES THIS HELPS YOU....i WILL KEEP YOU, YOUR STUDENTS AND THEIR FAMILIES IN MY PRAYERS..~MS. BABYJSC~

Quote:

Originally posted by Conskeeted19:
Yall, I am so sad and so angry at the same time. My 9th grader asked if she could talk to me in the closet. Mind you, if we go to the closet it is serious-very serious. I grabbed some tissue because tears are usually shed in the closet, prayers are made in the closet....Well, anyway she told me that she is 2 months pregnant. Sorors and sisterfriends this is the 5th young lady this month. Lets see.....one seventh grader, two eighth graders, one ninth grader and one 11th grader. Two ninth graders and one 10th grader and one 12 grader have already had babies. This is so depressing. I have a ninth grade (male) student who fathered two of the babies. He can barely read. We need to do something-but what! I talk and I talk and I talk. I mean I really get real with them. This is a rural area and there is not much to do. Why do they want these babies so desperately? They walk around so proud. I forgot that one of our 7th graders just had a baby about a month ago. She told me that her labor was not all that bad. She was out with the baby the next week. What is really going on! This troubles my soul. How can these young kids be mothers and fathers to their children when they are but children themselves? Yall, I am so grieved. The more I talk the worse it gets. The counselor and the local health department have been educating them about STDs, pregnancy, drugs etc... Maybe I need to just shut up!Does anyone have any suggestions? I am all ears!

BlueReign · #3 01-31-2001, 11:08 PM

This is so sad!! I am going through the same thing myself with my students. It is to the point where I sometimes, honestly, do not know what to say at all. Especially my students who are below grade level and then they start naming who the godparents are -- who are reading below grade level too.

Conskeeted19 · #4 01-31-2001, 11:38 PM

OOOOOOOOO that really gets me too Bluereign. They give each other baby showers and to hear a ninth grader say,
"This is my God Child" really burns me up. These kids are getting more action than I am. They know far more than I did at that age. What is your school doing to curtail this problem?

Thanks Babyjsc

Optimistic1 · #5 02-01-2001, 01:17 AM

I, too, am sad at your news. I agree with babyjsc. An afterschool program may be an answer. I work in a computer center in a building mostly populated by low to moderately low income families. The majority of parents do not come home until at least 5 or 6 p.m. The school most of the kids go to lets out at 1:30 p.m. We host an After School Program every weekday and even have activities during the holiday and summer breaks. This has done a lot of good. The children have somewhere to go after school, are entertained, and are learning the importance of hard work, sharing, good manners, etc.

I am also involved in a mentoring program for girls in the 7th and 8th grades. A group of college females act as mentors to the young ladies. We host discussions, retreats, and field trips throughout the school year. To end off the year, we have a Cotillion for the 8th grade girls. The 7th graders act as ushers. This type of program has had numerous positive results: the girls are exposed to college level females and are given the sense of how important education is, they are able to partake in activities they may not have otherwise been able to participate in (i.e. a Cotillion or a girls only retreat), and each girl's self esteem is lifted as she realizes her abilities and potential. You may want to look into starting a program like this.

Lastly, I suggest you try and start a separate young ladies and young men's program. This could be similar to the mentoring program, but led only by you and a male teacher. It could be an open forum for the kids to discuss their concerns and even their reasons for doing certain things (i.e. why the girls choose to have sex with their male company rather than just playing video games, etc.). You may find that the reason is a lot deeper than "my parent(s) weren't home." The group could also be a place that you talk openly and honestly with them, outside of school, about sex, promiscuity, the importance of safe sex, consequences and responsibilities, and even the importance of education to the future of your children.

Since you've mentioned the importance of the closet in your classroom discussions, you could name the group "Closet Talk." Just a suggestion.

Try to get parents involved as much as possible, but I can tell you from experience, it is HARD! Many of the parents of the "troubled" kids either are not as involved or are not able to get as involved due to work constraints. Maybe your results will be different.

I hope this advice helps. All of the programs I've worked in have been successful, so I know that anything you decide to do will work just as well. Just remember that planning is key and that you want to target the kids who need it most. Usually the ones who want to participate are those that are already on the "right path".

As was mentioned, I will keep you all in my prayers, and good luck!

Professor · #6 02-01-2001, 10:48 AM

Upon reading the initial post I intended to express my sympathy. After reading the remaining posts I could only be reminded of my own history. My cousin became pregnant while in high school. After the family accepted her fate my cousin began planning for her baby. I have always "looked up" to my cousin who is two years older. She gave birth to a boy and asked me to be his godfather. Although I was very mature for my age, I had no idea how to care for a child. Imagine a young black male only 14 not old enough to drive but pushing a stroller around the neighborhood saying this is my godson. The memories are very vivid for me. Despite the many obstacles and difficulties, I am so proud of my godson. Today, the little man that was my high school mascot when I graduated is now a freshman football player at NC A&T State University.

To the educators I ask that you talk to your students about their current situation. Although their pregnancies are untimely, they now need to focus on how they can care for their child and continue their education.

"Life is about choices - some are good while some are bad"

Miss. Mocha · #7 02-01-2001, 12:24 PM

Conskeeted, it's not only sad, it's scary to those of us who are parents.

I mean I talk to my six year old daughter now about being married before becoming a "mommy", but it still ruffles my feathers to imagine that she might not take my advice.

I believe that parent involvement is PRIMO, but I have plenty of friends whose parents did not condone prematiral sex, but it sure didn't stop their daughters from having it.

I, like you, just want to know what to say. I don't have the words to explain that it's not cute, when they so obviously think it is.

There are several young people on the outskirts of my life that I try to talk to, but someimes I can LITERALLY see it going in one ear and out the other. You can't tell them anything, because they have an answer for everything.

If you come up with a fool-proof plan, e mail it to me.

Miss. Mocha

exquizit · #8 02-01-2001, 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Professor:
Upon reading the initial post I intended to express my sympathy. After reading the remaining posts I could only be reminded of my own history. My cousin became pregnant while in high school. After the family accepted her fate my cousin began planning for her baby. I have always "looked up" to my cousin who is two years older. She gave birth to a boy and asked me to be his godfather. Although I was very mature for my age, I had no idea how to care for a child. Imagine a young black male only 14 not old enough to drive but pushing a stroller around the neighborhood saying this is my godson. The memories are very vivid for me. Despite the many obstacles and difficulties, I am so proud of my godson. Today, the little man that was my high school mascot when I graduated is now a freshman football player at NC A&T State University.

To the educators I ask that you talk to your students about their current situation. Although their pregnancies are untimely, they now need to focus on how they can care for their child and continue their education.

"Life is about choices - some are good while some are bad"

I have to say that I was staying away from this one until I read your post. I really appreciate what you've said.

You guys, I agree whole heartedly about that situation being sad. The fact of the matter is they're losing their childhood without even knowing the full extent of what they're doing.The fact of the matter is parenthood is really tough.
I was a bit afraid to post because of a previous post about un wed mothers trying to enter a certian soroity..I fit that discription. I'm unwed but I'm active as a sisterfriend hoping to one day be given a chance.

I had my daughter my last year of high school and got pregnant my first time having sex.Believe it or not I went several months without saying anything. I was afraid, ashamed, confused...you name it, I felt it. I lived my life the model student and child until then. When people finally found out my situation, they went out of their way to let me know how disappointed they were and how I should have known better. They talked endlessly about what a shame I was to my family and so on and so forth... In the end I felt worthless and still didn't know what I needed to do to take care of myself to make sure the baby was healthy. The fact of the matter is I was pregnant. There wasn't much I could do to change that fact, but I had no one there for me to at least direct me on what I should do next.I went 7 months without prenatal care and I almost died having my child.(When I finally did get my prenatal care it was because I started reading books and things like that to give me a clue. I WALKED to the doctor!)

I went on to finish highschool that year with honors as well as begin my first years of college with honors. I was determined to do that for me and my child and prove to others that I wasn't another girl on the road to nothing.

Throughout the years I've made it a personal quest to educate as many young girls that I can on sex, why it's great to wait, why they can stop after they've started, how to protect themselves properly ....and most importantly LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. These girls need love and attention, they need guidance. I'm by no means saying that them having sex and getting pregnant is ok, but if it's already done don't turn your backs on them.Even the one's that seem like they're determined to be hoochie mamas, that may be all they've seen or all they know. If you have it in you to do it...Try to show them the right way.

BlueReign · #9 02-01-2001, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Conskeeted19:
OOOOOOOOO that really gets me too Bluereign. They give each other baby showers and to hear a ninth grader say,
"This is my God Child" really burns me up. These kids are getting more action than I am. They know far more than I did at that age. What is your school doing to curtail this problem?

Thanks Babyjsc

There are afterschool programs but they are not really direct at addressing the problems or the things these kids have on their minds!! I think direct one-on-one confrontation works well. I just thought about an 8th grade girl I had about 3 years ago who was very smart but just had some social problems. One day she came to school with new clothes and shoes and a $100 dollar bill. She told me her boyfriend gave it to her. I told her "no young lady should ever take clothes or money from a boyfriend. That is what fathers are for. So you know now he thinks he owns your body too. You are too smart for that". The next day she came to me, hugged me and said, "thanks, my own mother would never had told me anything like that." I was just passing down info that my own momma had told me at that age. I think what we need are more people to just step up and "be real" with our children because too many of them don't get it at home. Maybe we need more afterschool programs with topics such as these. I liked the Jerry Springer idea though.

allsmiles_22 · #10 02-01-2001, 02:42 PM

Conskeeted19, I totally understand where you are coming from. I encounter the same thing when I counsel young kids at the health clinic and in a youth program. It is really a sad situation, in which there isn't much that one can do. I have found though that just being there, listening and giving positive reinforcement goes a long way. I think it's really good that they feel that they can trust you enough to talk to you. I think that this is why some of the kids that I talk to always come back or remain in touch with me. A majority of the time they are just looking for attention and acknowledgement and aren't getting it from where they should (at home). That is why they end up straying the wrong way.

I think that schools starting as early as possible need to initiate sexual education programs. I came to this conclusion when I heard a 8 year old say to me , "I could bang you out". Mind you, I first learned of that phrase in college. Unfortunately, we cannot wait until high school to begin this type of education. Society says it's alright for the parents to work at least 8 hours a day and send their kids off to school for almost the same time. So in turn children have to learn about life at school, especially if their parents aren't teaching them.

My best advice along with some of the other suggestions is to talk with the other teachers and the school board to see if you can have programs that educated these kids about sex. I know and fully believe that kids should be learning only math, science, etc., but times have changed and we as a society need to adapt to these changes, no matter how bad they may be.

Right now, I'm trying to initiate a program at a youth center in which we take kids to area colleges and expose them to that environment. I know that this may be a bit early for some of them, but they need to know what opportunities are out there for them. Half of them only know the world they live in and need to see the rest of the world and what life has to offer them.

Classy_Diva5 · #11 02-01-2001, 02:44 PM

Conskeeted-I know how you feel, because my best friend had her child when we were in the 10th grade (she was 15).
I think that it is great that they feel comfortable enough to have told you, because most of these kids may not be able to talk to anyone else about what's going on.
I agree with some of the previous posts-these girls need to see how hard it is to care for a child. When I was in high school, our teacher made us carry a heavy sack of flour around for our child development and parenting class. Back then, things were different, so that did the trick for some of the girls that wanted kids. But we all know that times are totally different now...
I don't know how the administration or the girls families would take to it (because I know that you need permission to do any activities involving the students), but I think that they need to do a "Day in the Life"-Ricki Lake does it all the time. They need to SEE how hard it is AFTER the child is born. A lot of young girls think that it is all about the pregnancy-this is the easy part. But when the baby is born, that will turn their world upside-down. They need to see how hard it is to feed, bathe & dress their child AND THEN have to get ready to go to school. They need to see how hard it is having sleepless nights day after day. They need to see how everytime they get $$-it is gone just as fast because the baby needs things. They need to see how having this child will have an effect on their social/family life.
I'm not saying that all girls fail at being parents-what I'm saying is that they need a strong dose of reality. Unless these girls come from families where their parents are very well off, and money is not an issue, how are they going to support that baby? And being that they are still young, they can only work so many hours in a week, and usually they can only get minimum-wage positions, and that is not enough to live on.
I hope that all of these ideas inspire you to come up with a plan to school these girls. I'll keep you in prayer

------------------
"Mind ya own, stay true to ya own, be ya own."
Peace and God Bless
Classy_Diva5

Shalom2U · #12 02-01-2001, 03:25 PM

Shalom Conskeeted19 (Shalom Everybody)!

Conskeeted19, I just want to say that I praise the LORD that you are there for your students and that their situations are felt deep in your heart.

I encourage you to keep up the good work you are doing by providing them a safe place to come to, confide in, and be comforted with grace and mercy.

I pray you strength to keep on keeping on---don't get weary in your well doing!

Shalom~

AKA2D '91 · #13 02-01-2001, 05:14 PM

Okay, I teach at a high school and I come into contact with a large number of "our" girls. Anyway, one of the girls I sponsored became pregnant at the end of her junior year, last school year. Her baby is due this month (of her Senior year).

Now, teenage pregnancy is a big NO NO for me and what I believe. Yet, I wanted to get something for the baby. She told me it was a boy. BUT I do not want to convey to her that I "support" what has happened. The idea of teenage pregnancy etc. Yet, at the same time, I'm like, what can be done NOW?

The baby is almost here! He did not ask to be born.

So, I think I will still get the gift. My better judgement says I should. I don't have to like what has happened, but I can show some positivity, cause she is probably "feeling" it from all sides right now.

exquizit · #14 02-01-2001, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA2D '91:
Okay, I teach at a high school and I come into contact with a large number of "our" girls. Anyway, one of the girls I sponsored became pregnant at the end of her junior year, last school year. Her baby is due this month (of her Senior year).

Now, teenage pregnancy is a big NO NO for me and what I believe. Yet, I wanted to get something for the baby. She told me it was a boy. BUT I do not want to convey to her that I "support" what has happened. The idea of teenage pregnancy etc. Yet, at the same time, I'm like, what can be done NOW? The baby is almost here! He did not ask to be born.

So, I think I will still get the gift. My better judgement says I should. I don't have to like what has happened, but I can show some positivity, cause she is probably "feeling" it from all sides right now.

That's a good thing. You guys can't possibly know just how much shame and how much they are disappointed in themselves at that point.(most anyway)The end of the pregnancy is no joke , even more so for a young girl Your body doesn't feel like it's your own anymore and there's the FEAR

Of the pain that delivering the baby will bring.

I was so grateful for everything I recieved for my child right down to the tiniest diaper bag or pacifier. I knew no one was saying that what I'd done was ok, but at least they hadn't completely given up on me.you know?

Everytime I see a young girl strutting pregnant and proud talking about her babydaddy and what he SAYS

he's going to do I want to take off my belt and whip her butt,but at that point what good would that do?
I then tactfully bust their bubbles and explain how it's not all it's cracked up to be and get them to start thinking about the real world and not some dream they've developed in their heads.
It's so tough trying to help todays youth but if not me then who?

exquizit · #15 02-01-2001, 10:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mz. Sports Luva:
That was a great post Exquizit!!!! I couldn't agree with you more.

Conskeeted19: I have to two suggestions (1) you (or your school), should have the girls who have already had their babies talk to other students and show them that raising/having a baby isn't as "glamourous" as they think and (2) make your students plan a budget that includes caring for a child.

Make them plan their budgets for diapers, milk, clothes, childcare and so on. Tell them to act as if they have NO ONE to help them care for their baby but themselves.

Thanks !!

I also agree that reality sessions would slap them in the face about how hard it really is. Hang in there Conskeeted19. they need you more than you know!