question about signals

smiley21 · #1 11-12-2003, 06:04 AM

my bf and i supposedly had broken up a little over a month ago. he said that i deserved to be with someone better. in the last two weeks, things have been really good between us. it is like he is my boyfriend all over again. in the past few days, he has been talking about wanted to get married really soon. then on monday, a dozen BEAUTIFUL red roses were delivered to my job. should i expect that he wants to be together again? he never actually said it but if he doesnt want to be together, wouldnt he be leading me on?

sigmagrrl · #2 11-12-2003, 06:21 PM

I feel like I am the ambassador of mixed signals...cuz my ex LOVED giving them....A$$HOLE!

Anywho, take nothing as a sign of wanting to get back together unless he says, and I quote, "I want to be a couple again", or SOMETHING to that effect...

Women, we need to understand that sometimes a spade is a spade is a spade...

Flowers could be a friendly gesture.

I got caught in the whole "Yeah, we're SO going out together again" mentality, and when he confronted me on my behavior (he felt I was "manipulating" him), I realized that we weren't back together, we were just f*** buddies, and that confused me even more (phew, sorry run on sentence)...

So, you aren't a couple until BOTH PEOPLE AGREE OUT LOUD! Trust me, it'll save you SOOOO much heartache and analyzing...

bethany1982 · #3 11-12-2003, 10:16 PM

Just come right out and ask him. It sounds like he wants to be with you, but I'd make him come right out and say so, especially if he was the one to break off the relationship.

shultzz · #4 11-13-2003, 03:35 PM

He just misses the sex.

smiley21 · #5 11-13-2003, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by shultzz
He just misses the sex.

i know that is not it. i dont think i need to explain why

cashmoney · #6 11-13-2003, 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by smiley21
my bf and i supposedly had broken up a little over a month ago. he said that i deserved to be with someone better. in the last two weeks, things have been really good between us. it is like he is my boyfriend all over again. in the past few days, he has been talking about wanted to get married really soon. then on monday, a dozen BEAUTIFUL red roses were delivered to my job. should i expect that he wants to be together again? he never actually said it but if he doesnt want to be together, wouldnt he be leading me on?

A-

First off, supposedly??? How can you supposedly be broken up? Thats pretty shitty that he left a back door for himself in case he wanted to start having sex with you and not date you or if he wasnt sure whether or not he wanted to dump you. In any case, I'd assume that he wants to be with you again. I think what happened is that he went out to try to find something better for him and he couldn't. Now he misses the compainionship and all the other good things about dating you. I think right now he's on an emotional rollercoaster. Guys get kind of screwy sometimes in the head and start thinking about marriage, relationships, their ex they loved and being with the best they've had when they're getting lonely. However, I don't think its smart for you to get right back into a serious relationship/engagement with this guy until he's proven himself worthwhile. Maybe you guys can start dating again, but don't forget what happened to you last time. You can forgive, but don't ever forget. That said, I think you'll be fine.

p.s.- Shultzz does have a point. I think he's missing the sex too, but he also misses the other stuff.

Craig-

smiley21 · #7 11-16-2003, 02:27 AM

well i asked him. he said that he wants to take things one day at a time. he also said that he really wants to marry me some day. *sigh* and guys think girls are hard to figure out.

decadence · #8 11-16-2003, 12:41 PM

They are

AOII_LB93 · #9 11-16-2003, 07:31 PM

Not to be the old stodgy voice of reason...but why not go out and have fun and be single for a while? It sounds like he wasn't ready for the commitment aspect of things and that is why he bailed in the first place. I understand being alone really sucks, but that is when you learn who you really are as a person and what it is that you want.

Speaking from experience, I am a lot different now than I was even 5 years ago and I'm glad that for a good portion of that time I was single so that I figured out what I wanted out of life and a prospective S.O.

Why worry about marriage now? There is still so much you have to discover about yourself before you take that next step.

thesweetestone · #10 11-16-2003, 07:57 PM

Since he broke up with you, you should not be letting him back in so easily. Make him want you for a while. you should see other people then decide if he is worth play all the games. Because that's what he is doing playing games.

smiley21 · #11 11-16-2003, 07:57 PM

it is not the commitment that he is afraid of. there is so much more to the story. he has been dealing with a certain type of addiction for a long time. he didnt want to expose me too much to it, so he broke up with me. now it looks as if he is finally getting over it. so we have been getting back together. but he hasnt said anything about until i brought it up last night.

James · #12 11-17-2003, 12:34 PM

Way too much drama. Any relationship that requires a lot of special explanation or justification or even questioning should be reevaluated.

Maybe I am just shallow but all my relationships were simplistic like: "See spot run"

We go out, we chat, we are on the same team, we have fun, we have sex, things are good.

When one of those phrases changes and requires some elaborate rationalization: We break up.

*shrug* life is easy.