Parent Remarrying

White_Chocolate · #1 10-09-2003, 01:32 PM

Okay, so my parents have been divorced for about 6 years now. She's starting to date now. So far, there's an attorney and a Swedish professor in the picture. My sister says that everytime that our mother goes out that she gets doubletakes. I know that my mom is pretty and that one day, she could remarry. But I'm so scared and I want to cry.

Is it always this hard to see a parent remarry?

#2 10-09-2003, 03:17 PM

My dad passed away 13 years ago. About 3 years after he passed away, my mom started dating a guy who was friends with my uncles.

I gave this new guy a hard time. I purposely didn't give my mom his messages when he left them, I'd be bitchy and snippy everytime I talked to him, I was just plain rude and disrespectful.

About two years after they started dating, he moved in with us. But by that time I already met his daughters (he was also previously married), and I found out that they never really liked my mom either.

I call him "uncle", only because it's not customary here to address him by his first name. Uncle and I aren't close, but ten years later, they're still together. I don't know if they have plans to marry each other, but I know that they're comfortable with how things are now and they're still living their lives one day at a time.

While I don't know how it feels like to have a parent remarry, your parent's happiness will one day be your main focus. It's okay to be scared, but don't hide your feelings from your mom. Let your mom know how you feel in a way that she knows you're not trying to control her life.

And most importantly, remind yourself that no matter who your mom's with, she'll love you no matter what...because no man should ever come between a mother's love for her child!

Good luck!

smiley21 · #3 10-09-2003, 03:47 PM

my situation is quite unique. my mom is my dad's fourth marriage ( it was my mom's first). my parents' divorce was in '91 (after 10 years). since then, my dad has remarried a total of 5 times. that makes a grand total of 9. so it has been quite difficult to see.

but i guess you just have to let them find their happiness.

ThetaPrincess24 · #4 10-09-2003, 03:49 PM

This is a hell of a thread........

My parents have been divorced since i was 13. In fact my dad moved out the day after my 13th birthday (i'm 24 now). My dad is someone who.........how can i say this......doesnt like to cook his dinner or do his laundry.........so he keeps tryign to find women to get married to ASAP. Wonders why many say NO. He was engaged to a lady for a period of time, She moved in with him too. Obviously she wasnt happy in the relationship because she put on a lot of weigh from teh time she started dating my dad. I think she stuck around only for his money....my dad has a lot and he drew up a pre-nuptual agreement, basically stating what was his was his and hers was hers---she didnt want that--she wanted the house, all it's contents and half of everything else including his bank accounts. So my dad told her NO, and she got out. We had warned him of this as this woman has a reputation in our home town for this.
Then enters the next fiance. Got married 6 months after they met. Again another lady who was known in that area for marrying men for their money, later divorcing them and takign whatever she could get. They both sold their houses and built one together. Before the house was even finished, and before they had even been married a year, they were divorced. Thus enters the next fiance..........this woman is from my parents hometown who has had a reputation over the last 40 years, to be a slut, sleepign her way to to the top in the city council, has been married 5 times(for money as well), and while married to her second hubby even got pregnant by her 3rd cousin, whcih cant be denied because her son looks like a clone of his father. As soon as my dad sells the current house he built with his last wife, he is flying to vegas to marry this slut(sorry but she is NO LADY) and is buying a house in their hometown. EVERYONE has asked my dad WHY?!?! WHY?!?!? that woman?!!? He says he's getting married because he doenst like to cook his dinner or do his laundry. I think we can all agree that a maid would be cheaper than getting married again.......this lady is no house wife, and will fool around again. Since the divorce i have not supported my father in any of his choices for companionship. I didnt attend his last wedding, because i didnt feel right about it, and only attended the reception for half an hour. My sister and I both are opposed to this next one, as well as everyone else in the family, which is why they are flying to vegas to get married. My dad has even told us (my sister and myself) we dont have to worry about comign to any wedding.

My mother has only been with my dad, and has not dated at all since the divorce. I honestly cant say how i would feel about my mom being on the dating scene or getting remarried.

I feel your concerns and fears.

Rudey · #5 10-09-2003, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ThetaPrincess24
This is a hell of a thread........

My parents have been divorced since i was 13. In fact my dad moved out the day after my 13th birthday (i'm 24 now). My dad is someone who.........how can i say this......doesnt like to cook his dinner or do his laundry.........so he keeps tryign to find women to get married to ASAP. Wonders why many say NO. He was engaged to a lady for a period of time, She moved in with him too. Obviously she wasnt happy in the relationship because she put on a lot of weigh from teh time she started dating my dad. I think she stuck around only for his money....my dad has a lot and he drew up a pre-nuptual agreement, basically stating what was his was his and hers was hers---she didnt want that--she wanted the house, all it's contents and half of everything else including his bank accounts. So my dad told her NO, and she got out. We had warned him of this as this woman has a reputation in our home town for this.
Then enters the next fiance. Got married 6 months after they met. Again another lady who was known in that area for marrying men for their money, later divorcing them and takign whatever she could get. They both sold their houses and built one together. Before the house was even finished, and before they had even been married a year, they were divorced. Thus enters the next fiance..........this woman is from my parents hometown who has had a reputation over the last 40 years, to be a slut, sleepign her way to to the top in the city council, has been married 5 times(for money as well), and while married to her second hubby even got pregnant by her 3rd cousin, whcih cant be denied because her son looks like a clone of his father. As soon as my dad sells the current house he built with his last wife, he is flying to vegas to marry this slut(sorry but she is NO LADY) and is buying a house in their hometown. EVERYONE has asked my dad WHY?!?! WHY?!?!? that woman?!!? He says he's getting married because he doenst like to cook his dinner or do his laundry. I think we can all agree that a maid would be cheaper than getting married again.......this lady is no house wife, and will fool around again. Since the divorce i have not supported my father in any of his choices for companionship. I didnt attend his last wedding, because i didnt feel right about it, and only attended the reception for half an hour. My sister and I both are opposed to this next one, as well as everyone else in the family, which is why they are flying to vegas to get married. My dad has even told us (my sister and myself) we dont have to worry about comign to any wedding.

My mother has only been with my dad, and has not dated at all since the divorce. I honestly cant say how i would feel about my mom being on the dating scene or getting remarried.

I feel your concerns and fears.

So you're loaded? Wanna go out?

-Rudey

lauralaylin · #6 10-09-2003, 04:13 PM

My parents divorced when I was 5, and since then my father has remarried, and my mom has remarried twice. I never had a problem with it at all. I'm not very close to my dad, but his wife was always nice to me, so I didn't see the problem. With my mom, I just want her to be happy, and she is, so that is all that matters.

swissmiss04 · #7 10-09-2003, 04:52 PM

My parents split just recently and already my mom is talking about who she thinks likes her or the possibilities of getting back in the scene again. It really hurts because I don't want to think about anything but my parents together, not them w/ other people. My dad hasn't mentioned anything about dating or whatever, and I'm assuming he's just not going to. I dread the day when/if either of my parents meets someone and asks my opinion. I think it's harder for me because I spent so many years seeing them together and now suddenly it's gone. Not that divorce is ever easy.

Jill1228 · #8 10-09-2003, 04:55 PM

Yes it is difficult! Especially when ya know the new man treats the kids like crap! And it sucks that the parent sticks up for the new man and does nothing to protect her kids.

And you know something ain't right when a 7 year old says something, but you are in such denial!

How about when your mother slips off and gets remarried and you don't find out about it for 3 years???

And I have NOT forgiven my mother...and I doubt I ever will!

Yup that was my experience and I got therapy bills to prove it!

Next, a more positive experience

Jill1228 · #9 10-09-2003, 05:01 PM

Due to my experiences as a child, see the above post...I vowed I would NEVER marry someone with kids!

Boy did I eat my words!

My stepson was 8 when we met. His mother (my husband's ex wife) traded him for a house (no sh*t):
"Ya give me the house and I will give you the kid" (direct quote).

MOST young kids have the fantasy that their parents will eventually get back together. Thanksgiving weekend 2000 we killed his dream by announcing that we were going to get married. (He was 10). It did NOT go over well...he cried for an hour and that weekend spent most of the time at his mother's.

He eventually bounced back and came to terms. I am much stricter than his parents (do NOT get me started about his grandparents), but I am fair and firm with him.

cash78mere · #10 10-09-2003, 05:13 PM

i know this is not exactly what the thread is about, but i wanted to share my experience.

i WISH to anything that my parents would get divorced. my father treats my mother like garbage. he yells, screams and won't even talk to her. he threatens divorce constantly but doesn't have the balls to actually go out and do it cause he knows he can't take care of himself.

my mother deserves much better. i KNOW another man could treat her the way she should be treated and, although she doesn't love him anymore, doesn't want to get divorced. she keeps hoping he'll change. whatever

i find myself always looking for older men for her, even though i know it is hopeless. i can always dream though.

ThetaPrincess24 · #11 10-09-2003, 05:17 PM

So you're loaded? Wanna go out?

-Rudey

I said my DAD had money. I, like most college students have NOTHING, which is the point of going to college so I can learn to do something, support myself and have something.......cuz as i've learned through my parents divorce and observing others (and i'll probably get crap for saying this) you sure cant depend on a man, so you must depend on yourself. Which is exactly what i intend to do. No offense, but I wouldnt go out with you anyway Rudey

From Smiley21:
my situation is quite unique. my mom is my dad's fourth marriage ( it was my mom's first). my parents' divorce was in '91 (after 10 years). since then, my dad has remarried a total of 5 times. that makes a grand total of 9. so it has been quite difficult to see.

9 times!?!?!?!?!?! no offense to you or your mom, but why does he continue to bother???(frankly I dont know why my dad keeps bothering).

Rudey · #12 10-09-2003, 05:25 PM

:*(

-Rudey
--But I'm delicious.

Quote:

Originally posted by ThetaPrincess24
So you're loaded? Wanna go out?

-Rudey

I said my DAD had money. I, like most college students have NOTHING, which is the point of going to college so I can learn to do something, support myself and have something.......cuz as i've learned through my parents divorce and observing others (and i'll probably get crap for saying this) you sure cant depend on a man, so you must depend on yourself. Which is exactly what i intend to do. No offense, but I wouldnt go out with you anyway Rudey

From Smiley21:
my situation is quite unique. my mom is my dad's fourth marriage ( it was my mom's first). my parents' divorce was in '91 (after 10 years). since then, my dad has remarried a total of 5 times. that makes a grand total of 9. so it has been quite difficult to see.

9 times!?!?!?!?!?! no offense to you or your mom, but why does he continue to bother???(frankly I dont know why my dad keeps bothering).

ThetaPrincess24 · #13 10-09-2003, 05:33 PM

:*(

-Rudey
--But I'm delicious.

Says who? hahaha

CC1GC · #14 10-09-2003, 05:49 PM

I've been saying this for years that my parents need to get away from eachother. I can't remember a day when either one of them didn't say something like 'oh fuckoff' to the other. I've actually been pushing this among them and my siblings, but they have to get out of their small business first.

Rudey · #15 10-09-2003, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ThetaPrincess24
:*(

-Rudey
--But I'm delicious.

Says who? hahaha

Geez you're pretty rough

-Rudey