Problems w/Big?

Rio_Kohitsuji · #1 10-01-2003, 02:35 PM

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33girl · #2 10-01-2003, 02:46 PM

Maybe "T" (and your letter choice is cracking me up cause all I can think of is Mr. T) wants you as her little to try and make all the bad blood go away.

Unless you've had intense personal probs with her, I would give it a try - she might be a totally different person now that you are pledging. (Not that that is cool, but some people are like that)

breathesgelatin · #3 10-01-2003, 03:39 PM

I have twins and it's never been a problem for me. They get along great and are best friends and room together.

I don't know how to advise you. Since T is a sister, she has to get a little sis someday. So someone has to do it. Do all of the KGD girls feel negatively towards T?

Another way to look at it is to try to develop a connection with T. Maybe you could find some things in common. I know when I pledged I had certain ideas about certain people in my chapter and then ended up loving those women. It sounds like T and you have a significant history, though.

In all, the best advice is probably to go for the option that will piss off the fewest people and cause the most chapter harmony. Is T a senior? If so, that's only a few months that you would have to deal with her.

strawberrysismd · #4 10-01-2003, 03:58 PM

when i was a new member, there were certain sisters who i really wanted to have as my big; the one who really wanted me, was not one of my top choices, not because i didn't like her, per se, but because i really didn't know her; but once she became my big, everything worked out wonderfully; the first little i ever took, i hardly even knew her; and now she is my absolute best friend, even though there were other new members who i thought i really wanted to be my lil; i know a lot of people who have twins or are twins and for the most part, nothing bad has come of it; my two lils though, can definately get quite jealous of one another; i just have such a different relationship with each one; just thought i'd share my thoughts on the whole thing...

KillarneyRose · #5 10-01-2003, 04:01 PM

This is a tough one. I had a great big, but she and I weren't *super* close or anything. But I definitely understand your desire to have a big you can be really close to!

Do you have any idea why she wants you as a little so badly when you can't stand her? Does she not know how you feel?

SirHornyToad · #6 10-01-2003, 04:15 PM

Well I would give this advice, I've met my big once, he joined the army after he pledged and has since only been around once to hang out. My big big has tried to take his place but graduated at the end of the semester that i pledged and has not been around much at all. The point I'm getting at is to make the best of it. Not everyone can have the best big in the world and not everyone can always be happy with the big they get. Make the best of it, maybe your big big, or big big big is really cool and you can bond with the other girls in your line and at least be on good terms with your big, and if not look at it this way, sooner or later she'll be out of your hair, its not like you HAVE to spend time with her all the time and it's not like she wont be graduating some day.

ilovemyglo · #7 10-01-2003, 04:16 PM

Well- I know with my little I HATED her when she joined, but she got into AGD and I couldn't do anything about it.... so she joins, we dislike each other- and she couldn't be initiated on time so anyway, she pledges in the late fall of 99 and is initiated in the fall of 00 to make things short-
during rush that year we ended up doing a lot of things together, and found out we really did like one another... she cried that night of her big sister candlelighting because she was so happy I was her big (I had her fooled!!!) and we are so close!! SHe is planning on getting engaged soon and told me the other night I will be her maid of honor- all this from the girl I couldn't stand and tried to keep out of my sorority!
I love my sisters, and maybe you two might find if you get past some of the BS that you like each other too.
BTW I was a junior when she was initiated so I had disliked her for 2 years.

ilovemyglo · #8 10-01-2003, 04:53 PM

that is a little different- why not go up to her and explain you know she wants you as a big but you think it would be best if she had a little sister that is more open and comfortable with affection and tell her how honored you are she wants you.
maybe?

breathesgelatin · #9 10-01-2003, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TKE209Sweethrt
Well, it's like this, I guess the reason why she likes me so much is that I'm a wise-ass. I crack jokes constantly and well, I know my stuff pertaining to the sorority. And that we both like Kevin Smith movies. *shrugs* But here's another issue, she is VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY clingy person, she has had some major family problems and etc. I, well, I'm not a very sympathetic person by nature, I try, but I'm just not. Also, I'm not very clingy..unless you're a really hot guy. Her over affectionate personality creeps me and my pledge sisters out. Plus, she is assn't pledge mom, and has been trying to take over the Pledge Mom's position. (another drama..won't go there)

I mean, I really don't want her to be my big but I'm afraid that if she forces someone to be her little next semester that we could lose members of the future pledge class. Yes, I know my KGD girls...taken their personalities "T" would end up being duct-taped to a wheelchair and rolled over the hill into the creek.

OH MY GOSH.... this sounds *exactly* like something that happened in my chapter last year. Down to a "T" hehe.

My advice would be to go on and take her as your big, especially if you want your KGD girls to all pledge next term. You can always be really honest in terms of not wanting to be hugged or clung to... It kinda depends on what your goals are. If you want the KGD girls, maybe you should take her. If you want an awesome big, don't take her.

Another thing I've found is that the importance of big sisters (though they are important) often seems overexaggerated when you're pledging--I love my big and my littles but you can't turn that into your central experience of the sorority. Once you're initiated any drama associated with that fades.

ilovetheviolets · #10 10-02-2003, 12:34 PM

I loved my big sister, even way before i pledged. She was one of the first people i met, possibly the reason i joined my sorority. She was the rush director when i went through formal recruitment, and was sooo happy to have her as my big sister. as time went on, we became really close. And then she changed. during her last 2 years here she became very distant, and was barely a big sister to me. We didn't even say good-bye or anything when she graduated last year. I did though have MANY other sisters who were older and were my fav. people in the sorority. They were like my adopted bigs. They looked out for me, supported me, helped me through everything, and are just incredible people (i stll talk to one girl everyday over i.m. even though she is all the way on the opposit side of the country). So just so you know, a "big sister" is at times just almost a formality. Some relationships work out fantastically, and some are just a title. So, though i know you wish you have one of those fantastic big/little relationships, just be aware that it is not the end of the world if things don't work out.

greeklawgirl · #11 10-02-2003, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TKE209Sweethrt
Tonights activity..we're outside..we may have to kidnap her and tie her to a tree so the squirrels will eat her. (sorry AGD's!)

Way off topic, but I don't think the squirrels will WANT to eat her. They have standards too, you know!

She sounds like she has issues. For instance, I loooove getting hugs, but I don't foist myself on people if they don't feel the same. Nor do I want to be hugged by people I don't particularly know or like.

Good luck, you're going to need it.

Peaches-n-Cream · #12 10-02-2003, 01:29 PM

I think that you are looking for problems before there are any. First, you don't know that she will be your big sister. Second, you don't know what kind of a big sister she will be. Third, as part of the pledging process you will have to learn how to get along with all types of personalities in the sorority so consider this a learning lesson.

I don't really understand why you are going into pledging looking for problems. If you have already decided that you don't like T and don't want her as a big, she will probably be your big, and you will have a bad experience. If you decide that you will have an open mind about the entire pledging experience, you will have fun and make some great friends. Also, keep in mind that if you tell the sisters that you have a problem with T, they will probably make her your big sister so you can resolve your problems.

I saw a similar situation. A pledge wanted a certain sister as her big sister. The pledge decided that she didn't want another sister to be her big so she started complaining about her. The president told her that she didn't have to continue pledging if she didn't like how the sorority was run. She stopped her behavior and changed her attitude immediately. Once she stopped complaining, she began to enjoy her experience. The sister she complained about became her big sister, and they wound up being extremely close.

AlphaPhiBubbles · #13 10-02-2003, 04:33 PM

Well I always thought that when it came to bigs/littles it was usually up to the Littles to decide who they want as Bigs...I mean it is the new members first experience with the sorority so I think they should have first priority. Anyway and also with the hug thing...I'm sorry but not only is that weird but isn't it HAZING???

Making you do something that the actives don't have to do...plus in this case it makes you uncomfortable...if it were me I'd probably tell her to F off, even though she is my sister

....cuz you know just cuz you might be sisters doesn't mean you have to be best friends and everyone should be treated with equal respect anyway.

ok off my little soapbox.

AchtungBaby80 · #14 10-02-2003, 04:50 PM

Just take her. I'm with everyone else--you might be surprised to find that you like her if you give her a chance. Maybe she's like my old roommate's little...in the words of our NM Educator, "she just needs a little love." And the whole Big/Little thing isn't the be-all, end-all of your sorority experience. I know that in a perfect world we'd all love our Bigs and Littles and they'd be our bridesmaids at our wedding and they'd be the one you'd call first when you needed to talk or whatever, but I think that idea sort of sets people up for a reality check. I really like my Big, but we don't and never did spend much time together. My Little and I aren't close at all...in fact, there ain't nothing between the two of us that jives, as sad as it is.

What matters is that you do have that kind of bond with some people in your chapter. There's a girl who lived across the hall from me last semester, and I swear she should've been my Little if there was any justice in the world--we're so much alike and we get along so well. My point is, even though you're not close now, you might realize she isn't that bad later on. Even if you don't, you will still have tons of other sisters that you love.

And about the "twin" thing...there were girls in my chapter (especially the founding members) who had multiple Littles, and it often caused a little bit of weirdness because some Littles would naturally be favored over the others. At least, in my case that was true...my Big has three (!) Littles, but I was her first one and she pampered me like no other! The second one she took kinda got the shaft, and then the third one had the same experience I did. Having more than one Little can sometimes be a strain on a Big, simply because it's so much harder to scrape together time, money, etc. to go around. If you can prevent that from happening, I would say do it. Bonne chance!

FSUZeta · #15 10-02-2003, 05:10 PM

alphaphibubbles, you picked up on what i was going to comment on. forcing a new member to give her hugs is hazing. i realize that you are joining a local and that locals don't have to abide by the same rules that an npc group does, but come on! you don't have to prove you are worthy of membership by hugging this woman. and she does have issues if she is fulfilled by forced hugging. tkesweetheart, i hope that you will feel comfortable to speak to an officer about this, and that they will put a stop to this. i think it is very selfless of you to consider taking this girl as a big, to spare future members. if you go through with it, you deserve first choice of littles when it is your turn!! lisa