Poll: In the game of love...

AKA2D '91 · #1 09-08-2003, 12:25 PM

If you meet someone and there seems to be chemistry. Who should make the first move (IYO)? Who should acknowledge that he or she is attracted to the other person and therefore initiate something like a friendship, which could possibly turn into a relationship?

Eastcoast Sunshine · #2 09-08-2003, 01:31 PM

I am an old-fashioned gal and shy, so I usually wait for him to make the first move. If we are in an awkward place where there is the possibility that I might not see him again, then I will make a strong hint that I'm attracted to him and if he doesn't catch on to it, then I'll let him know.

1savvydiva · #3 09-08-2003, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Eastcoast Sunshine
I am an old-fashioned gal and shy, so I usually wait for him to make the first move. If we are in an awkward place where there is the possibility that I might not see him again, then I will make a strong hint that I'm attracted to him and if he doesn't catch on to it, then I'll let him know.

Agreed

nikki1920 · #4 09-08-2003, 01:39 PM

I made the first move, but only after I was certain that he was interested. I"m shy, but life is too short for what ifs. IMO

Gina1201 · #5 09-08-2003, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA2D '91
If you meet someone and there seems to be chemistry. Who should make the first move (IYO)? Who should acknowledge that he or she is attracted to the other person and therefore initiate something like a friendship, which could possibly turn into a relationship?

I am also old-fashioned and believe that he should make the first move. With my current boyfriend, other people hinted around that he was interested in me, but I wanted to hear it straight from the horse's mouth (especially since I was in a *bad* relationship). Luckily, we were able to maintain a friendship that blossomed into something more, this was after HE initiated the friendship.

LawyerGal · #6 09-08-2003, 02:32 PM

When I was younger I would, but a man told me something one day that changed my behavior.... He was a friend of a friend (he eventually ended up married to my good friend), a/w he said that when women approached him he was faltered however he never took them as seriously as he took the women he approached b/c he felt in the back of his mind that if she approached him that way then she would/could easily approach any man that way and that's not the kind of woman he would really want....

It made me wonder if other men felt that way, most I asked said it depends on HOW they are approached rather than just the act of being approached.... But as a rule I don't anymore....

TonyB06 · #7 09-08-2003, 04:27 PM

Lawyergal wrote:
...a man told me something one day that changed my behavior.... He was a friend of a friend ... a/w he said that when women approached him he was faltered however he never took them as seriously as he took the women he approached b/c he felt in the back of his mind that if she approached him that way then she would/could easily approach any man that way and that's not the kind of woman he would really want....

------

I think the question of "who should approach?" is a matter of personal taste. As a man, I'm accustomed to making my interest known, in a respectful way of course. I've had interest expressed to me, and have to admit it threw me, but only for a minute.

I think if the woman expressed interest in a classy, yet discreet, dignified sort of way, it would definitely pique my interest, that is assuming I was feeling something back for her as well.

Miss. Mocha · #8 09-08-2003, 05:17 PM

When I met my husband, I was with a friend of mine. Meeting black men with this particular friend always caused a quandry for me. Reason being, is that I'm very fair (black/puerto rican mix). You really can't get much lighter than me and still be black unless you're an albino. She's mixed (black/white), but looks completely white.
There is just something about a white girl that black men(or the men/boys in my circle) just seem intrigued by. And I always maintained that any guy that would go for her over me, wasn't anybody that I wanted.
So, when we met my husband, she was doing "her" and being really flirtatious. I refused to play that game. I rode the backseat, and watched to see if he would be taken in by her 'womanly wiles". I noticed that he kept pulling me into the conversation. Anything that she said, he would try to get my opinion on it. I literally felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. I couldn't believe that a black man was resisting this girl.
After talking to the two of us (with her doing most of the talking), my husband had to leave. Before he left, he pulled me to the side and asked for my number.
All this to say, if a guy is interested enough, you really don't have to approach him or initiate a date. He'll do it.

starang21 · #9 09-08-2003, 08:44 PM

she made the first one. i like the straight forward, go after what's hers attitude.

Wonderful1908 · #10 09-08-2003, 11:20 PM

I have never approached a man. f he seems interested and has approached me then I would make a move. I don't think of that as old fashioned, but men are always going to make their presence known, go ahead and let them.

Sugar_N_Spice · #11 09-09-2003, 01:57 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Eastcoast Sunshine
I am an old-fashioned gal and shy, so I usually wait for him to make the first move. If we are in an awkward place where there is the possibility that I might not see him again, then I will make a strong hint that I'm attracted to him and if he doesn't catch on to it, then I'll let him know.

My usual rule of thumb is the above, particularly b/c I am shy in that sense. I ONCE tried making the first move and was disappointed with the result

so I told myself that I would NEVER make the first move again unless I knew the person was feeling me. In this situation, I am glad that I at least tried though, b/c now I know for sure that it's his loss though and that we just weren't right for each other. I feel bad sometimes when I do this b/c I know that brothers don't like to get turned down also, but at least they are more used to it than me...

But, sometimes when I observe others, speceifically when I know that both people are feeling each other but don't make the first move b/c they "aren't sure" (i.e. didn't hear it from the "horse's mouth"), I see that they are missing out on something they could have had, even if they ended up w/ a close friendship after the relationship...So, I feel like sometimes it pays to make that first move (I'm just NOT the one to do it

).

canuhandleit · #12 09-09-2003, 04:12 PM

I am old-fashioned and when I did decide to step out on a limb, it wasn't the best thing I could have done. So, from now on, I'm going to wait for the man to make the first move. I am not putting myself out there like that again. I still haven't recovered from that one.

AKA_Monet · #13 09-09-2003, 09:35 PM

My friends said a man will approach you by your "telepathy"...

It is truly easy to attract a man without uttering a word... And you do not have to be knockdown, dragged out gorgeous... In fact you can be on your first day of your period, an evil B, and still the fizzzzinest brutha up in there will talk to you... It is all a matter of "stage presence"...

You ain't gotta be popular, you ain't gotta be sweet, but you best be good...

And if you cain't be good...

Be good at it...

And bless and praise Him...

Prissfit1908 · #14 09-11-2003, 12:17 AM

I don't know about the rest of you guys, but, in my heart, I still long for the romantic, sweep-you-off-your-feet approach. Whether I am being idealistic or not remains to be seen!

Seriously, I think men and women should do whatever works for them. However, I also feel that men have a strong "hunt" mentality that is deeply rooted and exhibited on many levels in their daily lives. I think brothers have a need to feel like they started the "hunt," went in for the kill and pounced on the prey... even if the prey is little more than a pretty woman's number!

It makes them feel manly. Now, what they don't realize is that we sistahs STILL run things! We just so happen to bat our eyes, switch those hips and slow down to allow the predators "catch" us.

*sigh* I would love to be "caught," but I haven't met a predator worth slowing down for in a lonnnnnnnnnnnnng time....

Oh well!

TonyB06 · #15 09-11-2003, 01:53 PM

----
Prissfit1908 wrote:

I think brothers have a need to feel like they started the "hunt," went in for the kill and pounced on the prey... It makes them feel manly. Now, what they don't realize is that ...we just so happen to bat our eyes, switch those hips and slow down to allow the predators "catch" us.
-----

But, see, you dun messed up now. I will take this new information to the weekly "man" meeting next week and share it with all my brothers.

...dang, I thought I was doing something.