Bridesmaid bailed!!!!!

MoxieGrrl · #1 09-04-2003, 12:23 AM

Ok, I need to vent and some input.......

One of my bridesmaids e-mailed me today and said that she couldn't be in the wedding. She has been difficult about the whole process and now this. I have a strong hunch that the reason she is giving is bullshit.

What am I supposed to do now? It is TWO WEEKS before the wedding!!! Should I ask someone else to fill in? There are a few friends I have in mind that would fit in the dress, but would it be unnecessary? Should I just have one less bridesmaid than groomsman?

This isn't the worst thing in the world but very disheartening. Yes, I am kind of mad at this girl, but I wanted her to be there with me on my big day. The picture I'm starting to get is this girl isn't much of a friend at all. Blah....

Any words of wisdom that could be shared?

Hootie · #2 09-04-2003, 12:27 AM

That's a tough call because you don't want to offend someone by asking them and have them know they're a 'stand-in'. I personally don't see a problem with one less bridesmaid than groomsmen...but that's up to you. If the person is willing to fill in, fits the dress, etc then go for it. But make it clear that you don't expect them to pay for a lot at short notice.

Good Luck!

FiReKraCkEr · #3 09-04-2003, 01:00 AM

Kristi! If I could, I would be in your wedding!

jk

I think you should just talk to your closest friends and Mr. Moxie and see what they think and who they think can take your friend's place.

juniorgrrl · #4 09-04-2003, 01:20 AM

Is there anyone that you didn't ask to be in the wedding because of their schedule (i.e. grad student, etc), and now its looking like they may have the time? If its someone who would have ordinarily been a BM, except for their schedule, maybe they would make a good choice?

I'm anal, so having uneven numbers of BM and GM would bug the hell outa me...maybe you could demote a groomsman to an usher, if he doesn't mind, as long as he's still allowed to go to all the bachelor party festivities?

AOX81 · #5 09-04-2003, 06:50 AM

I was a backup for the last wedding that I was in because one of the original bridesmaids moved to Minnesota and wasn't sure if she would be able to make it back to the wedding in Michigan. Luckily I knew about this very far in advance.

If you can't find a replacement then have the best man come out with the groom and then match the remaining people up with each other.

I'm not that far from Pittsburgh

justamom · #6 09-04-2003, 06:56 AM

The first place I would look for a replacement would be RELATIVES, his side-your side-inlaws... Relatives wouldn't feel bad at all and would fill in because "it's family".
I wonder if this problem has come up on those sites like "weddings.com". Do you know what I'm talking about? They may have a really good solution, because you can't be the first who has been royally screwed by a so called friend.

http://www.weddingbasics.com/attendants/forum_help.asp
edited to add the link above. It discusses uneven wedding party.

IMO-If your entire wedding is really formal and by the book, it might appear something is "off". If you could come up with some ritual for the odd man out to perform it could look like it was planned that way.

edited again! You might appreciate this little article as well. Talks about your problem. Says uneven is perfectly OK!

http://www.weddinggazette.com/content/003994.shtml

SSS1365 · #7 09-04-2003, 07:35 AM

This was taken from www.theknot.com:

"Q. One of my bridesmaids has dropped out of our wedding party. Is it okay to have two groomsmen walk with one maid?

A. Having two groomsmen escort a bridesmaid, one on each arm, is completely acceptable."

I couldn't find anything about having an uneven number standing up there with you though. I'm sure whatever decision you make will be just fine

aephi alum · #8 09-04-2003, 08:42 AM

Ouch!

There's nothing wrong with having an uneven wedding party. I was at a wedding once where there were 2 more bridesmaids than groomsmen... the last 2 groomsmen walked in with a bridesmaid on each arm (and ear-to-ear grins

)

Your ex-bridesmaid was wrong to bail so close to the wedding and to do it by email - you'd think she'd have at least called.

Hope everything works out.

33girl · #9 09-04-2003, 11:29 AM

ohhhh Lorrrd....

this reminds me of my little's wedding. one of the ushers didn't show up AT THE LAST MINUTE!! So you're lucky you at least have the advance notice.

did the groomsmen already rent their tuxes?? I have the feeling that if one of them didn't have to rent a tux, he wouldn't mind, as long as he got to go to the bachelor party.

If that's all already set though, I would say grab a relative - particularly if you have any teenage cousins who would love nothing more than wearing a fancy dress and feeling grownup with an older man escorting them.

kddani · #10 09-04-2003, 12:08 PM

oh no Kristi! That's insane!!! Good luck working something out!

NeonPi · #11 09-04-2003, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by MoxieGrrl
Ok, I need to vent and some input.......

What am I supposed to do now? It is TWO WEEKS before the wedding!!! Should I ask someone else to fill in? There are a few friends I have in mind that would fit in the dress, but would it be unnecessary? Should I just have one less bridesmaid than groomsman?

I was just at a wedding where the exact same thing happened 9and it was the MOH). The only time you noticed that things were 'off' was when they walked down the aisle after the ceremony - as was said before - 1 lucky bridesmaid had 2 (....ehumm.... HOT...) groomsmen. No one even remarked on it...

Don't worry - what matters is you and your soon to be hubby - if anything, you'll be unique!!

Peaches-n-Cream · #12 09-04-2003, 01:18 PM

MoxieGrrl, I think that you should call your former bridesmaid and find out what's going on. An e-mail is just too impersonal. If you can't rectify the situation with her, I suggest you just have one less bridesmaid. Good luck!

Optimist Prime · #13 09-04-2003, 02:57 PM

That really sucks

I hope you can find a replacement.

MoxieGrrl · #14 09-04-2003, 03:20 PM

Thanks for all of your encouraging comments.

I finally talked to April (my best friend, a bridesmaid, and a sister), and it made me feel a lot better. We came to the consensus that this was a good thing. This ex-bridesmaid has tried to steal the show with one stunt or another the whole time. This is just another one. Blah...who needs that kind of stuff during a rehearsal dinner and wedding?

I don't think it would be a big deal to have two groomsmen walk up the aisle with a bridesmaid. Or one of them could walk my mom up. When I told April that I was toying with the idea of asking someone else but kind of wary to do so...she said (and I quote), "Dude, that is what you joined a sorority for. Ask any of our sisters that you think would fit in the dress. None of them would be offended, and more than likely, they would be so pleased to help."

I have an idea of who I'm going to ask, and I think I'm going to try and get in touch with her this evening.

Cross your fingers for me!

SATX*Adri · #15 09-04-2003, 03:24 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Best of luck.