How does this sound?

[ilovemyglo]

Deleted because the matter has been done.

[33girl]

Sarah -

a pm is on the way....

[Tom Earp]

GEEZE!

Is WKU that bad a place?

I think the LXA Chapter Sucked there and is gone

Be careful what you put in Print!

you ADG girls are WOOWie!

Wish there were some LXA Guys to play bump the Monkey with!

Seriously, becareful what you send no matter what you feel in your heart!

If the someone elses were saying this, what a sad day for them!

By The Way, I think you did a nice letter informing THEIR ADVISOR of the infraction!

I will NOT GO INTO WHAT I THINK ABOUT THEM!

[ilovemyglo]

Actually, Tom- the Lambda Chi chapter is still there, they are about two houses down from AGD.
And the letter is to their advisor, not anyone high up- I figure if it was our chapter I would rather have the opportunity to take care of it internally.

And Tom, the LXA chapter there doesn't suck at all!! They are great guys, really active, hot!!! and fun! they have a sand volleyball court and throw the best parties!

[AOII_LB93]

Not to be grammatically picky, but if you are going to send that letter you need to take the apostrophe "s" off of PNM. If you are talking about PNM in the plural sense there is not apostrophe as they are not possessing something, for example.

Ex.1: The PNMs this year are so great! They are all very outgoing and have a lot of spirit. (There is no apostrophe here because you are talking about them as a group.)

Ex. 2: The PNM's dress was so beautiful so I asked her where she bought it. (Here you would use the apostrophe "s" because the PNM is possessing something.)

When something is made plural in the English language it is usually done by adding an "s" to the word, not apostrophe "s". It is a very common mistake, but one that drives me crazy.

Can you tell that I am a teacher?

In another respect, I don't necessarily know that sending it to the chapter adviser is a good idea, as she might be "close" with the girls and just think you are being a bit overbearing and unkind. We all want to think the best of the chapters we advise, and when something like that comes, regardless of whether or not it is true we don't want to start an all out war because their adviser may not be mature enough to look at it in a way that is conducive to fixing the problem. You said in the letter that you are not an adviser and you are a concerned alum. While I see your point, I don't think that you are going to come off in that way.

Sorry for being harsh, (was I?) but you asked, and really this could open a can of worms that just doesn't need to be opened. Why not just rise above the other chapter by being more panhellenic on campus, doing some great PR for AGD, and proving them wrong to begin with? If the other chapter is telling stuff to the PNMs that is unflattering, and they(the PNMs) see that it isn't true, then who looks bad? Certainly not AGD.

*edited because I kept adding on when I thought of new stuff.*

[DGMarie]

They spoke with her about COBing their house and she informed them that she was considering COBing AGD at which point they informed her the AGD chapter XXXXX.


This is a run-on sentence.

You know, I'm not certain there is anything anyone can do in this situation. Really It is all he said/she said. There will always be rumors. I agree with the poster above. Rise above it. It comes across a lot like tattle-taling (sorry!)

[MysticCat]

... I think this is one of those situations where you write a letter to get some things off your chest, then you tear the letter up. I agree with the previous posters who say rise above it, especially since you are not on campus anymore, as an active or an advisor. I think all that this letter will do is exacerbate the problem.

Just my $0.02.

[33girl]

Yes you should try to be Panhellenic and rise above things, but when you HAVE tried that, and the same behavior goes on and gets worse with no repercussions for the offenders, sometimes you've got to speak up. There have been too many chapters out there hurt by rumors, in very real ways, and I for one am sick of it.

Also, I would hate to think that the only way an alum could do anything or speak up for his/her chapter is if they were an advisor. Our advisor was nice, but barely around - if we would have had to count on her we would have been up shit creek. We had to have a faculty member so choices were somewhat limited.

[ilovemyglo]

Okay, so then how does one deal with this problem:
1. I know who the offenders are- as a matter of fact a member of this bulletin board system contacted me about it.
2. There has been NOTHING done to stop the spread of these rumors, no repercussions, nothing- just a lot of laughing and hurt for my chapter and fellow sisters.
3. What would you do if your chapter was being hurt repeatedly for no reason other than another group can't take care of their own?

If you knew for a FACT that it was group ABC doing things to your chapter (to your house physically and your reputation) what would you do? The alum that is this chapter's advisor has been out of school for 15 years.
I felt that writing a letter to her would give her chapter the chance to INTERNALLY take care of this problem, as I would want someone to do if it were my chapter. And since I was the one that was confronted on these issues, I felt it was only appropriate that I contact her. I have made our advisory board aware of these occurences, but am I REALLY supposed to just sit back and be "panhellenic".
I don't feel like that would take care of the problem, as this has been going on for a full year now- to the point it is out of control. Many of the active sisters would love to confront the active members of this chapter, and I am afraid it would lead to a rather nasty and totally UNPANHELLENIC event if that happens. So I want to nip it in the bud so to speak, before that happens. I have no problem rising above it, but you can only take so much beating before you want to fight back!
Any thoguhts/comments are welcome.

[MysticCat]

Originally posted by 33girl
Yes you should try to be Panhellenic and rise above things, but when you HAVE tried that, and the same behavior goes on and gets worse with no repercussions for the offenders, sometimes you've got to speak up.

Of course you do, but there are good ways to go about doing that and, shall we say, less good ways. Here are a few reactions I had to the letter:

-- Go back and look at the draft letter. Nowhere in it does the letter writer say that she actually heard any of the rumors being spread. She says that she heard about the rumor-spreading from two PNMs, who related what they were told but couldn't say who told them. Maybe its just the lawyer in me, but I would be more likely to pay attention if the letter writer had first-hand knowledge of rumor-spreading.

-- My experience is that, try as hard as one might, letters like this rarely come off the way one hopes. While the writer may be hoping to sound friendly, "we're-in-this-together," "we-can-work-this-out," the letter often is not received that way. It's much better to talk to the advisor in person, say over a cup of coffee. If one doesn't know the advisor well enough to do that, enlist the assistance of someone who does -- perhaps one's own advisor.

-- The letter is from an alum who has no formal relationship with the chapter (i.e., is neither active nor an advisor). If I received a letter like this under those circumstances, I would wonder why, if it is such a problem, I was only hearing from an alumna who has no formal ties to the day-to-day operation of the chapter.

-- The letter contains what I read to be a threat to contact "XXX's" national HQ if the rumors continue. I think that this is unnecessarily combative and is likely to invoke defensiveness rather than cooperation.

Yes, rumors can cause significantly hurt feelings and damage. But there is another question that needs to be asked: Is anyone believing the rumors that XXX is spreading? If so, then you have to combat the rumors. If not, then rest assured that the sisters of XXX are really only hurting themselves.

One last thing: If the writer is determined to send this letter (or one like it), I would make sure that the chapter advisor and executive board know about it and have approved it first. They're the ones who will have to live with any fall-out that may result.

Another $0.02 from me.

[LouisaMay]

Written communication is my "bread and butter," I just want to assure you, Sarah, that you are receiving very blunt but potentially helpful advice here. The reactions you are getting probably reflect the true spectrum of reactions you would get from sending this letter. I do think your intentions are good, and your instinct that action must be taken now rather than later is right on target. I agree that perhaps this kind of communication should come from someone directly connected with the chapter or at least with the support of a chapter advisor or member. If you are determined to send a letter no matter what, delete the portions of the draft that read like hear-say or "tattling." Instead, perhaps you could compose a letter that simply states the problem in its most basic terms, then goes on to encourage a friendly atmosphere between organizations.

Good luck! I know how hurtful this kind of behavior can be.

LM

[ilovemyglo]

well I revised quite a bit of it in a hurry to deleted portions for a reason.

I do have direct knowledge of these rumors being spread as one of the main places for this to occur has been a fraternity house where my big brother is active- he confronted a member mid sentence and stated clearly that she was a liar. So it is not hearsay- also a person on THIS BOARD told me she was informed of the same thing by these women and confronted me for information regarding it.

I have sent my information to the chapter advisor and I believe they are planning on sending it on to the other chapter advisor along with some other information from my chapter- including some prank calls that have occurred.

I did ask for everyones advice and appreciate their honesty. I have now done what I think is necessary for action because this cannot continue. Ruining another chapters repuation for your own benefit is beyond tacky and rude, it is reckless. The rumors have now gone campus wide, so there is no combatting it, except to hopefully extract an apolgy from the offending party.
Again thank you, everyone for your honest opinion.

[MysticCat]

Originally posted by ilovemyglo
I do have direct knowledge of these rumors being spread as one of the main places for this to occur has been a fraternity house where my big brother is active- he confronted a member mid sentence and stated clearly that she was a liar. So it is not hearsay- also a person on THIS BOARD told me she was informed of the same thing by these women and confronted me for information regarding it.

I feel like I have to say something here. You only have firsthand/direct knowledge if you yourself actually heard the statements in question being made. If your knowledge comes through someone else -- whether your big brother or a member of this board -- and you are relying on what they told you, that is secondhand knowledge. It may very well be correct and accurate, but it simply is not firsthand/direct knowledge.

In any event, good luck!

[Tom Earp]

ilovemyglo, I may have made a mistake on LXA chapter there!

That is Bowling Green? I think I was thing of one of the Corolinas from J C! Oh, A Brother and his old school!

I can totally understand your being upset over this!

A lot depends on who the advisor is. Should this be brought up in Pan Hell? All Greek Group on campus? Or just let it ride and see what else goes on?

If does keep showing up, contact your Hdq. and present to them. They have farther reaching contacts than you do!

If all of this is true, it is the lowest SCUZ going. They must be afraid they will not make it! Daddys Girls!