Spare the rod, spoil the child??

[kitten03]

Each child is different. And that is a gauge as to whether physical punishments(beatings)are necessary. When I was little (and according to my mother, I'm not to old to get a whoopin), my mom would say she was so embarrassed or disappointed in what i did. i'd feel bad and not do it again(at least for a little while). My younger sister though, wasn't like me. My mom's disappointment meant nothing to her so a spanking was necessary for her. I don't advocate hurting your child to the point of serious physical harm, but a little spanking can really straighten things out.

We need to recognize that there are young mothers, who can't deal with the stress of making ends meet and a screaming child. Sometimes a spanking is a small stress reliever. i'm not saying all mothers are like that but i have seen it on the bus and other places. That is when spankings aren't disciplinary but harmful.

Without spankings, would you really have so many funny stories to tell your friends about when you were little. You can talk for hours just about that.

Personally when i have children, I will view their characters to determine whether other options may work but if i have an especially mischevious child, he's gonna get it.

[Sexy Mocha]

Originally posted by Cream Puff:
If that doesn't work you can send them to their room for awhile and tell them when they realize what they've done then they can come out and explain to you what was the 'cause for their wrong doing. Also when a child see other kids are having fun outside and they're home on punishment, they are more likely to apologize (I don't know how sincere it would be) but nevertheless they'll tell you they're sorry and promise they wont ever do that again and ask if they can go out and play

[This message has been edited by Cream Puff (edited August 17, 2000).][/B]

Ok Cream Puff, I have two questions for you.
1)What is/was your major?
2) Regarding the above statement...You are joking right?
Just because a person belives in hitting their children, does not mean they are lashing out without asking the child why they did what they did. On the contrary, if a child does something wrong/bad/unbelievable ...the first thing a parent should do is discuss the problem with him/her as to resolve it then and there. Now, if the child keeps "acting out"/being disrespectful (remember you have already discussed the problem as well as the future repurcussions of his/her actions)...then this child needs to be hit, in my opinion. Taking away toys, video games, etc. may work with smaller kids (approx. 3-7 years old) but probably not with older kids. Taking away phone privileges and such with older kids may or may not work, depending on how important what you're taking away is versus how important it is for him/her to keep up the negative behavior. Think about two kids who are always playing with the stove. One child hears about the danger of playing with fire over and over (he gets a few toys taken away, maybe even a time-out)...the other child gets burned. Which child do you think is more likely not to play with the stove again?
I do not think parents should ever hit their children in a fit of anger however. They should wait until they have control of their emotions. When I was a child, I could have gotten in trouble at noon and it would be around 10 at night when I "got it". My mother always waited until she had calmed down to discipline my bad *ss! A little spanking never hurt anybody...and remember...all the classes/books in the world can't refute what the good book says.(See topic of this post above)

[Discogoddess]

If people can't deal with making ends meet AND the ups and downs of a child's behavior, they should avail themselves of the many birth prevention resources easily accessible in our country. In other words, don't have the freakin' kids! Beating your kid, when used as a regular means of punishment, becomes useless after a time and most kids decide they'd rather "take the beating/whuppin" than give up whatever behavior caused the discipline in the first place.

Sexy Mocha: I take the aforementioned Biblical phrase as more of a general statement about the importance of good discipline in creating great kids, not a directive to go whup my kid's butt "cuz the Bible says so." In addition to being a religious doctrinal document, the Bible is also an historical one, and reflects the social mores of its time.

I type all this understanding that I am not a parent, and won't REALLY make up my mind about physical discipline until I become one. But I think that showing your kid that it's wrong to, say, hit another kid-by hitting your child-is, to say the least, bass ackwards.

[This message has been edited by Discogoddess (edited August 17, 2000).]

[nikki25]

Rationality is key in displining children.

I think that my father did an excellent job in this department. Since my dad was the primary disciplinarian, he was the one who spanked us.

When he did, we would have a discussion with him. This was an opportunity for us to explain our motivation for doing what we did. Afterward, we would discuss what should have been the proper course of action. Then he would ask us for our thoughts on what our punishment should be. He would add to/ agree with that and that would be the first part of our punishment. We did have an input in our punishment, which helped bring home our own understanding of every action having a consequence. My father would also give us a spanking in addition to the agreed punishment because he knew that the world won't treat us as nice for this behavior, so with a spanking, it would stop there because of a fear of getting caught. He told us that was one of his rationale. In addition, he often quoted Proverbs 13:24 "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." He told us that it is because of his love for us that he has to do this, and that one day, I would thank him for it.

I'm here to tell you, I am thankful for my father's well thought out methods for discipling me. I've always had that fear of the consequences for wrongful actions. I know right from wrong. I think that when I am blessed to be married and have children, I will ask my husband to follow this model. Because by my mom yielding to my dad on this, we learned about authority (because my father is the head of his house) and consequences.

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I will bless the Lord at ALL times His praise shall continually be in my mouth. (Psalms 34:1, KJV)

[This message has been edited by nikki25 (edited August 17, 2000).]

[Sexy Mocha]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Discogoddess:
[b]Beating your kid, when used as a regular means of punishment, becomes useless after a time and most kids decide they'd rather "take the beating/whuppin" than give up whatever behavior caused the discipline in the first place.

If a beating/whuppin does not deter a child from refraining from their negative behavior, I doubt very seriously that taking away toys/giving time-outs/or talking a hole in their head will...so that reasoning applies to both sides.

Most parents don't beat their children to relieve stress or because they can't make ends meet (although I know there are those who do). I'm just speaking from experience, as I look back, I thank God my parents gave me the few whuppins that I received ( Lord knows I deserved them!) Sometimes, I feel they didn't give me enough! Notice I said "few" whuppings ...I was no fool, I associated bad actions with bad consequences. That was enough to make me not do whatever it is I had done again! Personally I was, as my mama used to say, a "hard headed black child". All the talking and books in the world would not have stopped me. Now, I admit I don't know too much about the Bible and how to interpret it, but I was always under the impression that God's words were meant to stand the test of time. However, I'm almost positive you ladies read the Word more than I , so if I'm wrong please correct me.




[This message has been edited by Sexy Mocha (edited August 17, 2000).]

[Cream Puff]

[quote]Originally posted by Sexy Mocha:

Originally posted by Cream Puff:
If that doesn't work you can send them to their room for awhile and tell them when they realize what they've done then they can come out and explain to you what was the 'cause for their wrong doing. Also when a child see other kids are having fun outside and they're home on punishment, they are more likely to apologize (I don't know how sincere it would be) but nevertheless they'll tell you they're sorry and promise they wont ever do that again and ask if they can go out and play

[This message has been edited by Cream Puff (edited August 17, 2000).]

Ok Cream Puff, I have two questions for you.
1)What is/was your major?
2) Regarding the above statement...You are joking right?

Mocha, my major is psychology
and no, I am not joking. As I stated before, I am not a parent yet but I honestly believe that this technique should/may work towards the 3-7 year olds. However, with the older kids, this technique probably will not work. I guess I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it.

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by Sexy Mocha:
Every now and then my friends and I get on the subject of disciplining children. These conversations always end up in an all out war of words involving those of us who feel like there's nothing wrong with beating children and those (usually the Psych majors) who believe children should never be hit. I have one friend who belives she can use any/all of what she has learned in her psychology classes or from books to raise a well disciplined child without EVER hitting her child . What do you all think?

* When I say beating, I mean the good old fashion beatings we got as children, not beatings that cause broken arms, legs, missing teeth, etc.

I agree; you have to wooup yo chillin' today. If you don't, you'll pay for it-one way or another.

[tickledpink]

I refuse to have a fresh-mouthed no mannered child because that is not cute. And let me tell you something else, you will not leave this house acting like a neanderthal, and let me hear that you did not listen while you were at Auntie's house, like you don't have no home training, I'll tear that tail up!....

***tickledpink blinking and coming to herself*** Whoa, I flipped into momma mode.... Yes, I believe in spanking. I endured many as a child, and I'm not dead. Also, there came a point in my stubborn childhood when I decided I hated spankings, therefore, I wasn't trying to do (again)whatever it was that got me the spanking in the first place.
Now, my children have 2 different personalities. My son will respond more to the "mommy" face and straighten up. However, I can talk and stare until I'm blue in the face with my daughter, so after warnings, she usually gets a spanking.



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>>>"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised... Proverbs 31:29-30

[Sexy Mocha]

Every now and then my friends and I get on the subject of disciplining children. These conversations always end up in an all out war of words involving those of us who feel like there's nothing wrong with beating children and those (usually the Psych majors) who believe children should never be hit. I have one friend who belives she can use any/all of what she has learned in her psychology classes or from books to raise a well disciplined child without EVER hitting her child . What do you all think?

* When I say beating, I mean the good old fashion beatings we got as children, not beatings that cause broken arms, legs, missing teeth, etc.

[Cream Puff]

I feel there are other ways of disciplining a child without hitting him/her! I see that parents are so quick to lash out on their child(ren) without even asking them what happen or why did he/she did what ever they did. You can punish them by taking away the things they like the most (toys, tv, videogames, etc.)If that doesn't work you can send them to their room for awhile and tell them when they realize what they've done then they can come out and explain to you what was the 'cause for their wrong doing. Also when a child see other kids are having fun outside and they're home on punishment, they are more likely to apologize (I don't know how sincere it would be) but nevertheless they'll tell you they're sorry and promise they wont ever do that again and ask if they can go out and play, I would probably tell them no, so they can really see how serious I was and next time they would think twice about acting out.
Now, I do not have any kids yet, so I'm not basing these techniques on experience. If and when I do have kids, I would have to see if that will work but as for now I don't think hitting kids would help the situation any better.

[This message has been edited by Cream Puff (edited August 17, 2000).]

[AKAtude]

I got spanked a few times as a child, and no psychological damage/harm was done. So, personally, I don't see anything wrong with that type of discipline. However, I do think it depends on the child and should be used as a last resort if possible.

[HER_STORY]

i believe in spankings-- i can't stand the way these children act today.
first -i lay down the ground rules
second -is a verbal warning
third- "its on!"

[tia]

I GOT SPANKED!! back in the day it was not child abuse....it was LOVE!....you can't even raise your kids the way YOU want to...the method that worked for your parents and generations before...IS CALLED CHILD ABUSE THESE DAYS

[thatgirl]

I'm sort of in the middle of the road on this one. On the one hand, I really HATE to spank a child. It doesn't make good sense to me. On the other hand, I'm not trying to raise some bad @ss child so she can take me on Jenny Jones and curse me out (that is just ridiculous). There comes a time when words don't mean a thing to a child. That's when you've gotta 'get the switch out'.

***** Sounding like Cartman *****
You WILL respect my AUTHORITAAAH!
LEARN to respect AUTHORITAAAH!

[This message has been edited by thatgirl (edited August 18, 2000).]

[Serenity]

I believe in spankings. My son is five years old and I no longer spank him. Why? Because he knows the difference between right and wrong. I spent 5 years drilling it into him. Now when he misbehaves, I take away his "things". I make him stand with his arms straight out to the side. Everytime he drops his arms, 10 more seconds is added to his time. I make sure I let him know that life is a test of willpower. You have to be strong to resist the temptations of today. Nowadays, kids are just too wild. Not in my house....



[This message has been edited by Serenity (edited August 18, 2000).]