Scruples #2

SkeeBunny · #1 08-10-2000, 01:44 PM

Soror, this is too much. I was just in the exact same situation!!! Hopefully, it's not the same guy

! Where do you live again??? But seriously, I know what you're going through. The guy I was dating was very masculine in some ways, but in others, he had a sista worrying. Luckily, we were watching a show together one night that was dealing with homo/bisexuality and I straight up asked him. He very nonchalantly said no, but I still don't know. I've seen or heard nothing to confirm my suspicions, but some of his mannerisms and speech patterns had me wondering. Not to mention that he was very fashion conscience. Not just your typical brotha that likes to look good. He wore the type of stuff that only celebrities would dare to wear.

Anyway, I say all that to say don't sleep on your intuition. Especially if you plan on having a sexual relationship with this man. It's scary enough to think your man may be cheating with another woman, but when you have to worry about the fellas too... After about 2 months, I decided that I just wasn't comfortable with the situation anymore and I ended it. Not only because of my questions about his sexuality, but because he wanted a whole lot more than I was willing to give. If you live in a small community, ask around about him. If you have these suspicions, I'm sure you're not the first.

AKAtude · #2 08-10-2000, 01:50 PM

This reminds me of a friend who began dating a guy until she found out he loved to use the Raspberry scented products from Bath and Body Works. She thought that was too strange and decided not to see him again. Honestly, I would distance myself from him and end the relationship because I wouldn't feel comfortable.

PinkCashmere · #3 08-10-2000, 01:52 PM

Soror SkeeBunny,
Girl I must put out my disclaimer that this is not my situation. The radio station that I listen to has a scruples Wednesday and the listeners call in. I think that the situations are very interesting so I wanted to piggyback them and put some of the questions on the forum for discussion. I will certainly let everyone know when the Scruples question is about me!

SkeeBunny · #4 08-10-2000, 02:01 PM

Oh, now that I've put my business all out in the streets, I find out I'm in this alone??? I take it back, this didn't really happen to me

!

PinkCashmere · #5 08-10-2000, 02:03 PM

I don't think I have ever met a guy who like to wear the scents from Bath & Body Works or Victoria's Secret. That would really raise my brows!

I'm a very up front person and I always ask if a person is gay or bisexual when I go out with them. That's just one of my standard questions. Especially after reading E. Lynn Harris' books.

Sexy Mocha · #6 08-10-2000, 02:43 PM

First off, I am LOVING these Scruple questions PinkCashmere!! SkeeBunny, you are not alone girl. I briefly dated this man who made me raise the people's eyebrow as well. He was awfully feminine at times, but what really did it for me was when he casually told me one day that this gay guy hit on him at a club.(What club was this anyway??) Now, most men would have been like "It took everything in me not to knock that mother.....out!!"...if they dared tell a girl that story in the first place. I don't know, maybe I have read one too many E. Lynn Harris books. Now...about the Bath & Body stuff....I don't know what's going on, but I know a lot of brothers that go to town on some Victoria's Secret body spray and bath gel! Oh Lawd! Please don't start me thinking the wrong thing! What ever happened to Old Spice ane Brut? All the manly colognes!!

Sexy Mocha · #7 08-10-2000, 02:45 PM

Oh! I got so into the feminine sprays and gels that I forgot to fully answer the question! I dropped this "man" like a bad habit! Always listen to your instincts!!

Discogoddess · #8 08-10-2000, 03:02 PM

ARE Y'ALL SERIOUS? Do you honestly think that what bath and body products a man chooses to wear or his "mannerisms" or "speech patterns" will determine his sexuality? *Shaking my head* Some of the most masculine brothers out here are gay-didn't y'all read E. Lynn? I get concerned when we start stereotyping speech, clothing style, BATH AND FREAKIN' BODY PRODUCTS, etc. as signs of gayness. And given our collective homophobia, do you really expect a guy you "suspect" as gay to actually TELL you, "yes, love, I'm gay"?

Besides, it always strikes me as odd when men or women start denying very vehemently, or saying stuff like "it took all I had not to knock that mother...out!" Seems like the gentleman doth protesteth too much, if you ask me...

DG

AKAtude · #9 08-10-2000, 03:06 PM

Uuuummm...DG, I said this reminds me of a situation that a friend of mine was in. Forgive me for bringing it up. But I did answer the question honestly.

Sexy Mocha · #10 08-10-2000, 03:15 PM

Aside from the Bath & Body stuff, which, I personally, didn't take as meaning to be proof that a man is gay...I agree some of the most masculine men out there can be gay,but are you saying it's nearly impossible to tell if a man is gay, even after being with this man for a while?? I can not speak for anyone else but...When I have to constantly wonder about it, there has got to be something to it....when I have strong instincts about something...it's best to heed it...when it acts like a duck, looks like a duck, quacks like a duck....chances are.......

[This message has been edited by Sexy Mocha (edited August 10, 2000).]

Discogoddess · #11 08-10-2000, 03:22 PM

No, I'm not saying you shouldn't go with you gut, or that you can never tell, but just because the brother doesn't show "signs" doesn't mean he ain't gay. And just because he does show "signs" doesn't mean he is. That's all I'm saying, ladies.

AKA2D '91 · #12 08-10-2000, 03:28 PM

And yet, we wonder why we can't find a "good man"....um!

SkeeBunny · #13 08-10-2000, 03:52 PM

I'm sorry, I love a manly man and a man who I can share my beauty products with is not a man I want. Let's be real. A brotha who outwardly "acts" gay, in my opinion, probably is. And let's not front like we don't know what "acting" gay is. Don't get me wrong. I know that very masculine men can also be gay, but believe you me, the first time he gives me reason to believe he lusts after other men, he's gone too.

And no, I don't expect any man to openly admit to me that he's gay/bisexual. That's why I have to use my own techniques. When a man gets pedicures and gets COLORED POLISH ... I'm sorry bruh, you're out the door and you just might be gay.

[This message has been edited by SkeeBunny (edited August 10, 2000).]

PinkCashmere · #14 08-10-2000, 03:54 PM

I totally understand the fact that people may not necessarily answer truthfully about their sexuality due to their fear of how others will treat them. I have gay male friends that have told me this. To this day they have not openly admitted their sexuality to their families and friends.

I do believe that you should not be with a person that you have to question their sexuality. If you are uncomfortable about something -- let it go. It is not worth it in the long run.

I know guys who may appear to be more "sensitive" than some men. This doesn't make him gay. It simply makes him more sensitive than other men. One of the callers in the radio station had a very sexy deep "manly" voice. He was gay. You never know.
However, if you have your suspicions - again I ask - What would you do?

AKAtude · #15 08-10-2000, 04:01 PM

If I had reasons to be suspicious, I would leave him alone. If you ask, he may deny. If you go by appearance or mannerisms, you may be wrong. Your own feelings are all you have to go on unless he is honest with you or someone he knows tells confirms your suspicions.