HELP!!!!!!!!

[1 N A million]

Hey sorors and sisterfriends! I have a problem! I am engaged and have been for around 6 months. I am not sure if I am ready to get married! Last month, I gave my life over to Christ and I don't think he wants me in such a close relationship at this moment. I have been dating him for over 2 years and love him dearly.He has not given himself to Christ in the way that I have. I don't think this is a problem, but some things he see as being o.k, I see as being wrong. I am finding myself and I find it hard to do it with someone else. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to lose him. But, I must do what I know I HAVE to do! I am not explaining myself well, I know. I am just so stressed out. It seems as if satan will not stop trying to interfere with our relationship. Have any of you ever dealt with this or can you offer advice? Thanks in advance for your help! To my sorors skeeeeeeeeeeeeee-weeeeeeeee!

[1 N A million]

I am feeling so guilty! I am confused about our relationship, but I am realizing that my boo is GREAT! I could go on all night in the thread titled "signs your man loves you"

[Eclipse]

1NAMillion,
I don't think you should be feeling guilty at all!! Marriage is a HUGE step, and, to paraphrase the vows, 'one that should not be entered into lightly, but discreetly and reverently (what is that word?!?! )'. You have every right to think about this relationship in light of you new found relationship with Christ and your boyfriend's feelings. Le me ask you a question...you said in your post that "Last month, I gave my life over to Christ and I don't think he wants me in such a close relationship at this moment. "

Who is the 'he' that you refer to? Is it Christ or is it your boyfriend? If it is Christ, what makes you feel that He does not want you in a close relationship?

I have had friends who were in similar situations, and 1 of 2 things happen: either the other person was lead to Christ by the believer, or there is a lot of tension because of the time away (attending Church, Bible Study, etc), the money (for tithes and offerings) and the changes in behavior/interests, etc. (which you alluded to).

I encourage you to talk to someone (Pastor, elder, etc.) at your Church to discuss your feelings. You may also want to suggest premarital counseling at your Church to your boyfriend as well so he can truly understand the commitment you have made.

You will probably find a lot of people quoting 2Corinthians 6:14-20 to you about this situation or 1Corinthians 7:13-16, although the latter passage deals with folks that are already married. I hope this helps. Feel free to send me an e-mail if you'd like to discuss further.

Eclipse

p.s. Of course it should go without saying to PRAY about it!!

[LadyAKA]

1 N A million, from the words in your post
'I must do what I know I HAVE to do!' you seem to know what needs to be done, but you seem to be asking for permission. I don't have much advice except to piggy back on what Eclipse stated, gurl PRAY on it ... I am learning to lean on the lord more.

But do enlighten us on why you think your man, or Christ does not want you in a close relationship with the other (I am a little stuck on who he is too).

Sisterly

[CuRiOuSiTy]

1 N A Million:
Like Lady AKA said, you know what you need to do. I understand your reasons for not having done it yet. You don't want to hurt the person you love, and there's nothing wrong with that. I was in a similar situation (but flip it and minus the engagement).

Let me put it like this. Are you happy in this relationship? If not, have you discussed these issues with your man? (rhetorical) Talk to him and tell him what you told us (i'm sure you have). It could be that you just aren't ready for such a HUGE step as marriage. Good Luck!!!

P.S.
Don't be so quick to blame the Devil. Your doubts may be GOD's way of telling you to think about it some more.

[tickledpink]

Skee-wee my soror! Well, you're tied up because it sounds like you're caught up in a battle of wills --- yours against God's.

First, you know that our God is a jealous God, and perhaps you are feeling that He does not want you in such a close relationship because He wants to make sure that you are not compromising your relationship with Him. He wants to be first, and He wants his commandments to be first. From your post, it sounds like your fiance is in Christ, but whereas he may be a babe in Christ, you may be more spiritually advanced. So, the things that you can see with your "spritual eye" as not being ok, don't back down from that. Gently explain to him why certain things are not ok (using scripture). Keep your faith in God first, continue to nurture your relationship with Christ first, and He will bless your relationship with others.

Continue to pray, Soror, "thy will be done..."

------------------
>>>"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised... Proverbs 31:29-30

[1 N A million]

Thanks for all the advice! For those of you that are wondering who he is, I was speaking of God. I think tickle pink said what I was trying to say. My finace is not in Christ. He attends with me, but because I attend. I have stop studying the way I used to, stopped going to choir rehearsal and prayer meeting. I have told him and he says "I am behind you and I support you." But, my whole thing is, I think I need to be alone right now until I find out who I am.

[Eclipse]

God bless you INAMILLION for your commitment to Christ and to doing His will. I am sure that it won't be easy, but we must learn to let go and let God! I will be praying that His will be done in you and in your situation.

CuRiOuSiTy, your P.S. hit the nail on the HEAD! I was recently in a study where my pastor said we sometimes miss the lessons that God is trying to teach us by blaming the devil! He gave the example of always running late and how if he missed a plane he would said "God must've not (I know that's not correct English--but that's what he said!) wanted me to be on the plane" or "The devil is trying to steal my joy!" Naaawwwwwww! How 'bout the Lord is trying to tell you to pack the night before! How 'bout the Lord is trying to tell you that if you know it takes 20 minutes to get to the airport don't leave the house 15 minutes before your plane is due to take off!!

[Me By Nature]

Thank you 1 In a Million. I am in a similar situation with my daughter's father. We have been together for almost 6 years (living together for 3) and it just is not fun anymore. He was born and raised in the church but now trying to get him to go is like pulling teeth. It really annoys me when my daughter says "how come daddy doesn't have to go to church too?" I know that God is telling me that he (my daughter's father) is not the one but it's not the answer that I want to hear. I really don't want to hurt him because he has made major sacrifices for me and would do anything to make me happy (except recommit himself to Christ). I am finding myself less and less attracted to him and I truly believe that it is the work of the Lord. He is definitely a jealous God and if you don't take control of the situation, He will do it for you (like in my case). Leaving him is one of the hardest things that I have had to do in my life (which I haven't done yet), but I know that I must do what I have to do. My daughter learned a song in Sunday school and as elementary as it is, it says it all. "I have decided to follow Jesus, No turning back, No turning back......................"

Sorry it's so long

[nikki25]

Hello:

Just want to encourage you. It is wonderful that you and your fiance` have given yourselves over to the Lord. Ms. 1inamillion, continue to seek the righteousness of the Lord and all other things will be added unto you (Matthew 6:33, KJV). God truly has a wonderful purpose for you in His Holy kingdom as a woman. You are so very, very important. Your importance even boils down to your being influential enough to direct that man of your's face looking heavenward. Praise the Lord!!!

Remember, that your fiance` can be won over toward a greater relationship with God as he sees your proper submission unto God and unto your authorities. I would truly urge you to talk with your pastor as well as read Michelle McKinney Hammond's book, The Power of Feminity: Rediscovering the Art of Being A Woman. In this anointed book, Ms. Hammond discusses the role of the woman in the home, on her job, and in her community. I think that the book will really be a blessing as you strive to understand the purpose of God in your relationship and in other facets of your daily living. You can order her book online and it will be at your house in about a week. I just finished reading it 2 weeks ago, and have been so very blessed.

Please be encouraged!!! Strive to be that virtuous woman in your walk..the woman of excellence, for great is your reward:

"Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates." (Proverbs 31: 29-31)

God bless you.