Vent Session, Sorry I have to!!!

ilovemyglo · #1 03-12-2003, 11:44 AM

OKAY!!! THIS IS LUDICROUS! MY chapter had to get rid of Big sisters and little sisters, we are now only allowed to have a sis mom and sis dot!!! AND- We can't even have shirts that say "Kate's Big" or "Janet's lil" they have to say mom and dot!!! HOW FREAKING RIDICULOuS!!
My chapter had it where you got a sis mom the day you pledged and they kept you, but the week after you were initiated you got a big sis. This was someone you felt close to in the chapter and looked up to, and sometimes it was your sis mom, but sometimes it wasn't. The new girls listed 4 people they wanted as bigs and then they were matched up.... OKAY why is this so wrong? You don't pick your sis mom...
So they were told that when a girl pledges she writes down 3 names of girls she wants as a sis mom and that is it... and no adopting- period...
The new girls hardly know names, much less the person!

THIS IS NOT FAIR!
I am an alumna and I think it is ridiculous!

MereMere21 · #2 03-12-2003, 12:21 PM

its always been Sis Mom, Sis Dot at my chapter.....I didn't even know other chapters weren't that way

I also thought that chapter council had to vote on any chapter changes like that, then bring it to chapter to have a group vote

?

squirrely girl · #3 03-12-2003, 12:21 PM

okay i'll prolly get flamed for this but sue me later. the same thing happened at my chapter a couple of semesters/years ago.

i know this is something to do with hazing - but gimme a freaking break.

IT'S A FREAKING SORORITY - SOME MEMBERS ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE OLDER AND THERE LONGER - THERE'S GONNA BE A LITTLE BIT OF SENIORITY - HOW DO BIGS AND LITTLES VIOLATE SO MUCH?????? WAAAA - DON'T JOIN A FREAKING SORORITY IF YOU DON'T WANT A BIG!!!!!!!!!!

marissa

greeklawgirl · #4 03-12-2003, 12:37 PM

I'm not sure the concern with bigs and littles has to do with hazing.

My chapter also did sister-mother/sister-daughter during the new member ceremony. Sometimes you got wonderful mom/daughter match-ups, and sometimes you didn't. I never knew any other way. I was taught that a sister-mother was AGD's formal terminology for a big sister.

I was astounded when I met Junior Circle members from other chapters who were doing rose sisters, big sisters, and what-have-you. I think the reason there is a push for sister-mothers/sister-daughters is because there should be uniformity among all the chapters. Sister-mothers are what the Ritual calls for, so that is what IHQ expects us to follow.

I'm not really sure what else to say.

ilovemyglo · #5 03-12-2003, 12:45 PM

Sis moms are for initiation I know, but what about someone you really look up to and want to have as a part of your family...
I would hate to have a sismom or big sis or whatever you call it that I did not get along with or mesh well with. My big was perfect for me, she is loud, obnoxious, says what is on her mind at all times and likes having fun.... she was the perfect big, my little and I are so much alike it is scary, except she can be a bigger B!^@* than even me and my big! Seriously!

We had been told before that we are one of like maybe two chapters that had both sis moms/sis dots and bigs and lils... but seriously that is our chapter tradition, don't take that away from us.

By the way this was an a directive from a higher authority if you catch my drift?!?

MereMere21 · #6 03-12-2003, 12:56 PM

yeah we had a big problem with my new member class when I was coordinator - the sis mom was very homophopic, and the sis dot had openly gay friends. Sis mom said some very derrogatory (sp?) comments and the dot blew up at her....yeah that wasn't fun.....

My sis mom is my best friend now, she was my maid of honor at my wedding and my little one's godmother. Not to mention we work at the same place and live at the same apartment complex - yeah its sad

It truly is terrible when the mom dot thing doesn't work out, but its awesome when it does!! other sororities big sis little sis system probably has the same problem that the mom dot system has. I agree there needs to be unity though

greeklawgirl · #7 03-12-2003, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ilovemyglo
Sis moms are for initiation I know, but what about someone you really look up to and want to have as a part of your family...
I would hate to have a sismom or big sis or whatever you call it that I did not get along with or mesh well with.

By the way this was an a directive from a higher authority if you catch my drift?!?

Yes, I certainly catch your drift. The only thing that I can really tell you is that your sister-mother is your family. Your sister-daughter is your family. According to Ritual and tradition (at least how *I* was taught it), that is how your family is composed. Your sister-mother is the person you look up to.

I agree that matching women up right at the beginning of the new member period isn't the most ideal way to ensure great sis-mom/sis-dot relationships. Like I said before, in our chapter we sometimes got great match-ups, and sometimes not.

I myself was the product of a not-so-great match-up. Sometimes it was very lonely, but you compensate in other ways. For instance, the opportunity to take two Chapman Pearls under my wing has been an amazing experience for me. They are my family now. Albeit, it is an unusual way to create a family...but they are my family nevertheless.

While I wish things were different with my sister-mother, the lack of a super-close relationship with her hasn't scarred me for life.

Again, I'm not really sure what to tell you that will make you feel better. I wish I could make it better for you, but the Ritual is what it is. Short of having IHQ change it, I'm not sure what the other options are here.

DeltaBetaAGD · #8 03-12-2003, 08:10 PM

This is how Alpha Gam has always had it and the fact that *your chapter* decided to make their own tradition does not mean that is right either. I am sorry to by harsh about it but the chapters should be following Alpha Gam's guidelines. Outside of that there are always close friends, etc. I do not think your chapter is going to fail due to the change to the "policy" of Alpha Gam. As an alum you can help your chapter find a way to make this work within your chapter. It may work for them...

DWAlphaGam · #9 03-13-2003, 11:56 AM

My chapter used to assign "Bid Day Buddies" on bid day, and they would serve as sister-mother in the initial new member ceremony until the new members got their "real" sister-mothers a few weeks later. I always thought it worked out fine, because not everyone knows who they're going to get along with right off the bat, and it was nice for everyone to have some time to get to know each other before committing to their sis-mom/sis-dot. We also received the directive to change this practice this semester, which we did, so right now we're pretty much just waiting to see how the relationships pan out.

BTW, my chapter always called them big sis/little sis, but they meant the same thing as sis-mom/sis-dot. For the past few years, we've been trying to break everyone of this terminology, but not very successfully. (The same goes for pledge/new member, rush/recruitment, etc.)

kstar · #10 03-15-2003, 03:25 PM

We have both sis-moms and bigs, it makes us unique on our campus because we have two people looking out for our freshman. We like that system. Plus, sisdots are chosen without the NM consent, it is a match up of most common interests assigned by the NM coordinator. Big/little is a mutual preffing system, and usually ends up with more pleasant results. I HATED my sismom, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my big. I think that the older chapters that have been doing big little forever should be allowed to keep it, and lately when we have LCs visiting they thought it was cool that we had both.

~K~

AGDZO Susan · #11 03-21-2003, 12:58 PM

If the SM/SD match isn't working then talk to the New Member Coordinator and ask to get a SM that does have similarities to the New Member. It's not right for the NM to be stuck w/ a SM that she doesn't get along with and vice versa.

Also, if the chapter has continual problems with mismatches I'd suggest looking at how the SM and SD are matched during the SM/SD selection process.

AlphaGamDiva · #12 03-23-2003, 03:03 PM

ok, this is about the 10TH time i have tried to post on this thread, so maybe if i keep it short and sweet, it'll let me post. -sigh-

ok...chapter sister here with my beloved ilovemyglo, and all i want to say is that i understand that internationals is simply trying to look out for our new members in that no hazing occurs with the big/lil process...but that is something that has never ever ever ever happened at our chapter, and never will. we always make sure that our girls are taken care of in every situation.......the problem is not that we can't match up sis-moms to sis-dots.....i love my sister mother and she is one of the main reasons i chose to become an alpha gam. but an additional perk to becoming an initiated member is getting your big sis after your pledge period. your sister mother picks you, and then you pick your big sister. purpose of sis-mom: to bring you into the chapter and introduce you to your new sisters. big sis: someone you grew close with during your pledge period and a way to extend sisterhood as well as your alpha gam family. this is a system that has been more than beneficial to our chapter, and it just kinda stings that we were told it's not working, when it so obviously does. ya know?
not trying to sound

or bitter, just venting along with sarah about the level of frustration it brings. i was a former NM coordinator, so i know first hand seeing the excitement about big sister gettin time! i'm sure we'll work something out, though, that makes us just as unique and special in the land o' squirrels and plenty.

liep,
monica

h15brando · #13 05-03-2003, 07:48 PM

I would be furious too. I remember when i got my sis mom on bid day but we totally didn't have anything in common. Then I got a big and we picked each other because we had a lot in common.
I think some times they take the hazing thing to an extreme. Last year we couldn't even sing dirty alpha gam songs during big/ lil. Sometimes risk management can get in the way of a chapter having fun. This year the Kappa Sigs asked us to go paintballing but we had to decline because it would be a risk management issue.
On my Campus if we didn't have big little we would look very unattractive during rush. Which would be a big issue

ilovemyglo · #14 05-05-2003, 11:34 AM

hey h15brando do you know Adrienne Nobles? I believe she is an advisor for you all now!

h15brando · #15 05-05-2003, 01:37 PM

No Janie Davis is our advisor