Question for the girls about dating

PiKA2001 · #1 07-24-2003, 03:24 PM

I'm kind of old fashioned when it comes to dating, meaning that if I ask a girl out that I should pay for her. But I get a lot of girls that want to pay for themselves when we go out. I usually insist to pay and do unless they cause a stink about it, then we just split the bill. I figure a lot of girls want to pay for themselves because they might be worried that a guy might be "expecting" something in return that night for the money they spent on them. Or are girls just trying to be polite, but they really want you to pay? Also, I hate insisting on paying when a girl wants to split on first-dates for fear of sounding like a controlling asshole, yet i'm not gonna say "sure! you pay too!" and look cheap . Anybody have some insight on this?

GMUBunny · #2 07-24-2003, 03:28 PM

I always offer to pay for my share or the whole check, but if he insists, I'll let him pay. Of course, around here most guys don't offer to cover so I end up paying more often. It is the proper thing to do to offer to pay for her meal. If she absolutely refuses to budge, just let her pay, but make it known that you still insist. I've never thought anything else was expected of me after my date covered the check, but then again I was raised to always let me date pay.

bethany1982 · #3 07-24-2003, 03:30 PM

I don't know you, but your caring about this tells me your probably a nice guy. Some girls want to pay because they think it's the right thing to do, while others may be feeling exactly what you said about not wanting the guy to "expect" anything. Either way, let us pay. Once a relationship starts, this type of thing will work itself out. With a caring attitude like yours, you’re a rare find.

absolutuscchick · #4 07-24-2003, 03:33 PM

Honestly, I really like the guy to pay....maybe I'm super old-fashioned, but unless you guys are in a relationship, I think that the guy should pay. I always feel like it's polite to offer to pay (on my part), but I don't really want him to say yes to that. It's just like holding open the door for a girl, opening the car door, etc. And just because a guy does those things does in no way mean that I think he "expects" something in return. I've only known two girls who don't like the guy to pay, and they say it makes them feel like they are on an uneven footing with the guy, but all the other girls I've talked to just think it's sweet! So pay (or let her pay if she's really adamant about it--sidenote: I SOOOO do not get girls like that)! And have an awesome time on your date tonight!

edited cuz I forgot to address the whole question

sugar and spice · #5 07-24-2003, 03:37 PM

I'm of the opinion that whoever asked for the date should pay, but even if he asked me out I'll still offer to pay half . . . but like GMUBunny said, if he insists on paying, I'll let him pay.

If you're out with a girl and she won't accept your insistence to pay, you could offer to let her pay for the tip, or for dessert. That way you're still being generous but she still feels like she made a contribution.

If she REALLY keeps insisting, let her pay. Why pay more than you have to?

Rio_Kohitsuji · #6 07-24-2003, 03:38 PM

Hmm...

First month (or so) of dating: Guy pays

After that: Split the bill if you -really- want to...

TKE209 and I have a nice system...now since we've dated for awhile, he pays for gas/movies/extras and I pay for food, it's a nice lil plan

But PiKA2001, you sound like a really sweet guy to want to pay!

Not many guys could do that nowadays!

If the girl insists on paying, well, go ahead and let her, you can always say you tried before on being a gentleman w/her!

#7 07-24-2003, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by absolutuscchick
Honestly, I really like the guy to pay....maybe I'm super old-fashioned, but unless you guys are in a relationship, I think that the guy should pay. I always feel like it's polite to offer to pay (on my part), but I don't really want him to say yes to that. It's just like holding open the door for a girl, opening the car door, etc. And just because a guy does those things does in no way mean that I think he "expects" something in return.

I agree. I always offered to pay my half, but it was one of those empty offers. If he accepted, I always had money on hand to be ready (it doesn't mean much to offer if you don't have the $$$) but I too was raised to expect the guy to pay, at least the first few dates.

It's so nice of you to be thinking about this in advance! This is going to be a lucky girl... I hope she realizes it on your date tonight! Then again, I do have a soft spot for Pikes

Edited to add... the system my fiance and I have is pretty much the same as TKE209's. He usually pays when we go out, but sometimes I'll offer, and he really appreciates it. He makes a lot more than I do, and feels that our income disparity plus my general housekeeping more than makes up for him footing the movies and pizzas

librasoul22 · #8 07-24-2003, 04:01 PM

For me personally it is more of what you said about guys expecting something in return. I don't want a guy to get any sort of false impression about getting a return for his money, lol. Also I tend to pay my own way to show guys that I am able to. Weird pride issues, lol.

As far as agreeing to do dutch, I wouldn't worry about looking cheap. If the girl offers to pay her way and then acts funky if you accept you probably wouldnt wanna be with her anyway.

Rudey · #9 07-24-2003, 04:04 PM

Take the bill when it comes and don't talk about it. If she says something, then say "you can buy dessert" or something retarded like that. Usually if she gets really adamant about the bill and makes it that much of an issue, then I'd think there were other problems.

-Rudey
--And she damn well better give you something at the end of the night. If she doesn't, it's impolite.

Canadian AOII · #10 07-24-2003, 04:27 PM

I think its nice when the guy offers to pay (even my male FRIENDS always insist on paying which is really chilvrastic of them) but I always throw in the option of me pitching, it's not fair to expect the guy to pay all the time. My ex and I worked it out really well, we were long distance for 2 months and I'd pay the gas to get up there and see him and he'd pay for my food (it evened out) or if the guy pays for dinner the girl can offer to pay for the movie, it's less awkward than cutting it down to who owes what on a bill. Enjoy your date! Its nice to see that there are still generous/chivalrous guys out there!

absolutuscchick · #11 07-24-2003, 04:45 PM

mini-thread-hijjack (how do you spell that word??)

Quote:

Originally posted by Canadian AOII
even my male FRIENDS always insist on paying which is really chilvrastic of them

Ok, that really always weirds me out...I have to say that I have a guy friend like that and I'm always like wait...is he just being nice or does he think that we're on a date or something? Maybe I'm the only one who thinks that's weird though...any opinions?

FAB*SpiceySpice · #12 07-24-2003, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Canadian AOII
I think its nice when the guy offers to pay (even my male FRIENDS always insist on paying which is really chilvrastic of them)

My guys friends are the same way. Maybe I'm spoiled but whenever I go out with a guy they always pay, even though I offer to chip in. They don't let me and I'm fine with that. Free dinner, movies, etc. are always good in my book.

I also think that on a date the guy should pay. I guess I was just raised to think that was the polite thing to do. I'll always have some money on hand with me, but I've noticed on all the dates I've ever been on the guy just quietly grabs the bill and puts down his credit card before it can even be addressed, so I just don't say anything. That would make it weird.

Gooid luck with your date!!!!

trisigmaAtl · #13 07-24-2003, 05:26 PM

I wish MY guy friends would offer to pay for my food! I usually offer because i don't want a guy to think i expect him to pay. I don't want to come off looking like a princess, but when a guy insists it always makes me feel special. it's the gentleman's thing to do, and i haven't seen many of those around my area lately.

i think it's really sweet of you to even think about it, I always wonder what kind of things guys think about when it comes to dating.

texas*princess · #14 07-24-2003, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sugar and spice
I'm of the opinion that whoever asked for the date should pay, but even if he asked me out I'll still offer to pay half . . . but like GMUBunny said, if he insists on paying, I'll let him pay.

If you're out with a girl and she won't accept your insistence to pay, you could offer to let her pay for the tip, or for dessert. That way you're still being generous but she still feels like she made a contribution.

If she REALLY keeps insisting, let her pay. Why pay more than you have to?

Definately agree!

I'm the same way!

Ditto to s&s's idea: If she won't accept your insitence to pay, you could offer to let her pay for the tip or the dessert, so she still feels like she made a contribution.

PiKA2001 · #15 07-24-2003, 05:43 PM

Thanks for the insight! I guess it all depends on the girl and her attitude on dating. But I still believe that if you ask a girl out you should pay. Now if she asked me out, I would be more inclined to let her pay if she pressed the issue.