Should you always take a legacy?

meridionaleDG · #1 07-13-2003, 01:30 PM

I don't want to start a battle or anything here, but I am just curious. I can see both sides of the spectrum. I won't specifically say it happened in my plegde class - but I will say I am familier with both these situations.

A.) We had an in house legacy go through recruitment at the same time I did. DG is very pushy towards giving legacies a bid, so even though the majority of girls didn't like this one in particular - they extended her a bid. She got cut from the majority of sororities during recruitment, which scared some other people from keeping DG on their list (I know this for a fact). She complained the whole week about not wanting to be a DG until everyone else had cut her. Then she suddenly was excited about being a DG. Now she only has like 2 or 3 people out of the entire sorority who likes her.

B.) During recruitment, a legacy came through and cut DG. She prefed two other GREAT sororities at my school, but when she didn't get a bid from either of them, she told her mom that she just thought the girls at DG didn't like her - so she cut us. Her mom (of coarse being an alumna gave her a HUGE voice), talked to our head advisor and president and became our only extra girl after recruitment to be picked up. Everyone welcomed her with open arms, but she never does anything with us. She only wears the letters. She doesn't go to any philanthropy events, sisterhood events, or parties. She gets her mom to call in and give us excuses about her being sick or what not.

I know legacies are important, and I hope my daughter will like DG also - but I also understand that personalities of chapters can change a lot in 25-30 years, and just becuase I was good for my chapter at the time doesn't mean my daughter is good for it.

I don't know - maybe I am not making any sense, and I am definitly not saying forget about giving special priority to legacies. They should definitly be given some care and effort during recruitment, but should you *have* to take them if you don't really fit with them just to please their mothers? I know you really don't have to, but some chapters feel obligated to take legacies (not to mention scared of the girl's mother if they cut her).

Sticky situation, but I would like some of your opinions. I just offered two examples that I know of above as reasons why I ask this.

SmartBlondeGPhB · #2 07-13-2003, 01:41 PM

I would say no, you shouldn't feel obligated to take a legacy. BUT, I also have heard how mothers and grandmothers can be and how HQs are going to cave to alumna who give support and money.

Personally, I think it's sad that some alumnae don't have enough faith in the collegians to pick the best girls for themselves. If they didn't pick her, well she must not be as ABC material as mom thinks.

If I had a legacy I probably would be upset if Gamma Phi cut her, but I hope I would be rational enough to realize that there were reasons.

justamom · #3 07-13-2003, 01:52 PM

meridionaleDG I think you gave two great examples.

Just to add a point, down South, if every chapter took every legacy, you honestly could have entire chapters made up of nothig BUT legacies!

I agree, give them a closer look, but automatic???

Munchkin03 · #4 07-13-2003, 02:25 PM

It shouldn't be automatic. If the woman shows genuine interest (and it is easy to distinguish from insincere interest to please her mother/grandmother/sister), and the house genuinely likes her, yes, then accept the legacy. But, my chapter had an experience where we had a legacy, where her grandmother wrote the chapter...she was really uninterested, and our advisor basically said to forget about her. So, there are some alumnae who know what's up!

carnation · #5 07-13-2003, 02:55 PM

I don't see how a sorority could be forced to take legacies since at so many schools, there are chapters who have more legacies going through recruitment than spaces available. Also, sometimes it can be a disaster...the PNM is the kind who is going to wreck a chapter's rep or whatever.

When I was a new alum, the very strong chapter at the university where I was in grad school cut the alum club president's daughter. I got the idea I was supposed to be siding with the alums but I had to go with the actives on this one...they KNEW what the girl was like. Sure enough, the sorority that got her hated her almost instantaneously, as she had a gift for sowing discord and wrecking meetings. Thank God that no one forced our chapter to take her.

meridionaleDG · #6 07-13-2003, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by carnation
I don't see how a sorority could be forced to take legacies since at so many schools

Well, we aren't forced - it is more of a matter of feeling some sort of obligation to our alumnae.

I mean - like in the second situation I gave, the girl didn't like us but she told her mother a completely different story after she was cut from everything. If we would have told her mother sorry, but we don't want to pledge her - it would have come down to it being *our* fault, even though she cut us. The mom is going to side with her daughter.

Argh - I have some stories that I would share if they weren't about ritual, but I can say that whenever her mother came to watch different things we do before initiation, she was giving some of the girls (MY SISTERS) these terrible looks and rolling her eyes at them when they were openning up to the entire chapter. Excuse me, I know that you are an alumnae and stuff - but please don't roll your eyes and be snotty towards new people - I mean after all this is the chapter you want your daughter to be in.

I don't know - I guess I just don't understand. On one side you want to make your alumnae happy, and on the other side you want to do what is best for your chapter.

AlphaChiCutie · #7 07-13-2003, 04:45 PM

It's a delicate issue. We had several BIG legacies come through this year (ie every female member of their family was an AXO). Usually, in our sorority, I've seen that they are some of the most active, enthusiastic members because they've heard so much about sorority life for so long and are very eager to partake in what their relatives did.

meridionaleDG · #8 07-13-2003, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AlphaChiCutie
It's a delicate issue. We had several BIG legacies come through this year (ie every female member of their family was an AXO). Usually, in our sorority, I've seen that they are some of the most active, enthusiastic members because they've heard so much about sorority life for so long and are very eager to partake in what their relatives did.

Oh I am all about legacies that want to be there - and as far as everyone knows the girl in the first situation wanted to be a DG from the start. I was the only one who saw how much she was complaining about DG and that if she didn't go Tri-Delt everyone in her town would think she was a failure. Once they cut her, she was like "I guess DG won't cut me because of my mom - alright I like DG now."

I was hoping that one of our 2 Rho Chis was a DG and could send some kind of word back to the mainland. hahaha But even if one of them were I knew they couldn't do that. One of my Rho Chi's who turned out to be a Chi-O was so upset when she learned her chapter was going to give a bid to this one girl who was making out with the deejay at one of the nightly rush gatherings we had. She got kind of depressed because there was nothing she could do.

shopgirl · #9 07-13-2003, 07:36 PM

Out of respect for the Alumnae and for the organization, I think it's important to extend bids to legacies. Legacies are an important part of an organization. Not extending a bid could cause hurt and resentment from the Alumnae. This could cause the Alumnae to lose respect for their organizations, thereby excluding themselves from their Alumnae group and hence, philanthropic work, donations, referrals, etc.

If my hypothetcial daughter attends a school where a Sigma Kappa chapter exists, and is not extended a bid, I would be hurt. If it's her choice to join another organization that would be different. Although I might still feel hurt, it would be a different type of hurt. It's the choice factor.

My opinion stems from the fact that I have a strong desire for tradition, I am proud of my organization, and I hope that my hypothetical daughter is given the chance, if nothing else, to be a part of our mystic bond.

****
Due to my beliefs on legacies, I regret not
speaking up on behalf of a legacy and potential
new member during my one and only recruitment experience.

Aphigal · #10 07-13-2003, 08:26 PM

I often find that legacies are looked at under too fine a microscope in recruitment. Instead of "extending every courtesy" chapters often "grill and broil!" One mistake and she's the chatter of the chapter.

Legacies are an important part of planning for the future and perserrving our past. Think about how you would want your child treated at recruitment...

Buttonz · #11 07-13-2003, 08:41 PM

I too would want my sisters (or daughter or granddaughter) to be given a shot at SDT...however, if the sisters didnt feel she ewas right for them, or she chose to go somewhere else, then its up to her...as long as she was given a fair shot. I have a sister who wil lbe a college freshman in 2005, and if the school she goes to has an SDT chapter then I would totally be for her joining

!

sugar and spice · #12 07-13-2003, 08:54 PM

I don't think you should always take a legacy, but I think there should be a good reason not to if you decide this is the case.

I'd love for my future daughters to become Tri Delts if at all possible . . . but I know that no matter what they end up like, they're not going to fit in at every Tri Delta chapter around the nation. (I know I wouldn't!) I'd rather they have a great Greek experience, regardless of their affiliation, or even just a great college experience, Greek or not, than end up in a chapter they're going to hate just because the chapter felt pressured to extend them a bid or they felt pressured to join that chapter because I was a Tri Delt.

AXO_MOM_3 · #13 07-13-2003, 11:58 PM

Well said Sugar and Spice! I have three girls, and while I hope that they join Alpha Chi Omega someday, I want them to have a wonderful college and sorority experience that works for them personally. They will grow up knowing how much Alpha Chi means to me, and will hopefully find their own special bond of sisterhood in college.

AchtungBaby80 · #14 07-14-2003, 12:16 AM

This is a really good question...personally, I don't think chapter should be made to take legacies that they don't believe will fit in, but at the same time I can see not wanting to tick off alumnae. So I really don't have an answer.

I was warned that legacies are not automatically "in" the sorority that they are a legacy to, and from my experience it's true (I was cut from the sorority I was a legacy to), but as I mentioned in other threads my chapter paid extra special attention to legacies during rush, as I'm sure most other chapters do.

shopgirl · #15 07-14-2003, 09:43 AM

I just wanted to say that I agree with all of you in that I want my hypothetical daughter to choose an organization that she feels the most comfortable with for whatever reason. I want her college experience to be the best it can be, as a member of a GLO or not, as a member of my GLO or not. However, I just feel, as I stated above, that legacies should be given careful consideration, for all of the reasons I mentioned.

Is it just me or does it seem that sometimes being a legacy can hurt you?

And please note, I am not a legacy and I do not have children.