break up

Moxie · #1 07-14-2003, 05:46 PM

my boyfriend and i broke up last night, after being together for 15 months. accck, i'm going crazy, what a transition this is going to be! i guess i instigated the break up, because things in our relationship weren't going well and i thought it would be better to end it while we still loved each other, instead of holding on too long and ending up hating each other. it's going to be really hard for both of us, we just held each other while we were both crying for so long last night. we're doing this with the thought that maybe if we spend some time apart we'll get back together, but there is always the chance that we won't. i'm so torn up, mostly because it's just so confusing. i'm trying not to cry too much, but it's so sad, how can i not?! it's so hard because we both do still love each other but we know this must be for the best - not to call constantly and hug and kiss like normally. space, room to grow, to spread our wings, and i guess to see if after that we still want to be with each other. does anybody have any stories of break ups that helped a relationship grow stronger? BLAH. love me love me love me.

AchtungBaby80 · #2 07-14-2003, 06:26 PM

I'm so sorry, Moxie! AchtungBoy and I are having problems, too, so I can sort of sympathize with you. I do have a story that might make you feel better, though...

During her senior year in high school, one of my best friends started dating a guy she'd liked for a while. In no time at all, they were inseparable, but then he started smothering her...he was over at her house every single night, calling her incessantly, just annoying her. So she decided to end it, even though she loved him. Well, the semester after that she was in a car accident (she got hit by a car on the Interstate and broke her leg really badly), and this guy was over at her house in a flash wanting to know if there was anything he could do. He was really sweet to her while she was cooped up in the house unable to walk, and thankfully he got the hint about not smothering her so much so they got back together. That was about four years ago, and their wedding is in October.

justamom · #3 07-14-2003, 06:27 PM

Oh sweet Moxie...
I'm so sorry to hear about this-MOST of all because you are in pain. The stories you hear on this board can yank your heart out.
You are in very good company. Considering your reasons and the way you two handled it, it reminded me of a little saying. (Doesn't EVERYTHING?

)

"Love is like sand: If you grasp it too tightly, it

slips through your fingers. But, if you hold it just

right, it will stay there forever."

You have left the door open.

aephi alum · #4 07-14-2003, 06:43 PM

I'm so sorry.

Breakups are never fun, especially when you've been together so long.

Take care.

jonsagara · #5 07-14-2003, 07:00 PM

Yes, my little bro's girlfriend's sister experienced the same thing you are going through. She and her then-boyfriend broke up and spent some time apart. After a while (I forget how long), they got back together and married. They now have two adorable children, and they are living happily together. They said they just needed the time apart.

HTH.

Hootie · #6 07-14-2003, 11:04 PM

Been there, done that!

My first real relationship lasted a year and a half and I ended it also. We'd started the who space thing (well HE did) and by the middle of the summer we weren't a couple anymore. It was like he got the space he wanted and I had the lonely heart. Finally one day in September I just ended it and he didn't fight and I tried not to cry and he acted all surprised. We never spoke after that. It took me forever to get over it. But I had to keep telling myself that it was for the best. We weren't going anywhere together...

So keep a clear mind. Don't fool yourself into believing you'll get back together. And furthermore, DON'T DON'T DON'T try the "friends" thing right away. It'll only bring tension and heartache because you know eachother too well outside of the friendship boundaries.

Moxie · #7 07-15-2003, 05:10 AM

thanks for the advice and support! his friends and mine are both assuming we'll be back together in two weeks - but i don't see the point in that. plenty of TIME is what we need, to clear our heads and see things from a more objective view.

JohnsDGsweethrt · #8 07-15-2003, 05:14 AM

Moxie this is so sad and I'm so sorry. I just hate breakups. Bless your heart. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers

Canadian AOII · #9 07-15-2003, 09:40 AM

Hey Moxie!
I'm SO sorry to hear abt you and your boyfriend, mine (ex now I guess) broke up w/ me 3 weeks ago and it KILLED me! Granted that we were only together for 4 months but it was the first serious boyfriend I'd ever had. Just take one day to cry and feel bad but get it out of your system and from the next day forward try to start moving on as best you can. We're trying to be friends right off the bat but that didn't work b/c last time we saw each other we ended up kissing and confusing ourselves so definitely back off for awhile (I know I plan on it!) Just like you I'm wondering if we'll eventually get back together or not but only time will tell you that! Til then I hope you feel better and I know it hurts a lot now but every day there's a little less crying and you feel a little bit better, that will hold true for you too. Feel free to PM me if you wanna vent!