20 Things Holding Black Women Back

[ENIGMATIC]

I was just TOO through when I ran across this list...I don't know who the author is OR what specific point they are trying to make. Some of these comments I was totally offended by.

Another Soror who read it said, "This had to have been written by a GUY. Some things are true, some are contradictory and some are just plain playa hatin!"

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK......

1.) Superwoman Syndrome
> I've been with a few females who thought they can multitask
effectively. It was real annoying when we were talking on the phone.
They usually seem very distracted but still insist they are still
listening. YEAH RIGHT. Hint: Sisters, it's impossible to work
fulltime, raise kids fulltime, go partying fulltime, and chase men
fulltime! You'll end up focusing on one and neglecting the others.


2.) Fear of Being Alone
> This is all too common with Black females who always are in a
relationship and use a "backup" if needed. These backups are usually
the "nicer" brothas who think they are number one with the female,
but in actuality, they are just getting played. If you want real
respect and admiration from a Black woman become, a thug and a felon.
>
>
3.) Hair, Hair and Hair
> Yea what's up females who pay 75+ dollars every two weeks to get
their hair done? What's up with sisters paying $400 for microbraids?
All I can say about that is that, if it cost that much for my hair to
get done, then I would learn to do it myself. I remember when Sisters
weren't embarassed to wear, short, neatly styled Afros! :::sigh:::
>
>
4.) The "Too Late" Excuse
> These are Black females who use age as an excuse to not go to
college. Usually these are people who are over 25 years old. Also
ladies, don't expect those 3-6 month 'fly by night' technical schools
to 'guarentee you' high paying jobs-- or jobs at all.
>
>
5.) Bad Credit
> When I was in college, I remember black females taking out college
loans to pay bills like (car note, rent, etc) and also getting credit
cards. Some of them dropped out and run up the credit card bill.
After all this they realize they do not have the money to pay back,
so they go into bad credit.
>
>
6.) Therapy Denial
> Some black women who are messed up from life experiences do not
seek professional help. They think family and friends are helping
heal the wounds. That sometimes work, but it's not always effective.
>
>
7.) Tasting Another Woman's Honey
> These are Black women who date taken or married men and think that
they are trustworthy. That's just funny. For some reason, Black
females are lead to believe that once they obtain their 'college
degrees' that they are above this hoochified mentality. To my
educated Sisters, I leave with this one name: KARIN SANFORD, Ph.D!
>
>
8.) Blinded by Bling
> This is the one of the main problems in the black community today.
These Black women would have a Lincoln Navigator but live in the 1
bedroom apartment with 2 kids. There are other Black females who will
have a regular paying job but try to live like they are millionaires,
using credit cards. Instead of getting materialistic things, they
should invest in something and have some money when they are older.
If I had a buck for every Black female I met who sported a Dooney and
Bourke or Coach Leather bag, but couldn't afford to fill her gas tank
up to the "F" level.
>
>
9.) Buying into those Low Expectations
> People in our community should always try to do better than the
previous generation. But actually too many Black females get caught
up into their man hating mother's mistakes. Having babies out or
wedlock is a very low expecation ladies. A high expecation would be
waiting you've completed your education, started your career and
getting married before having babies.
>
>
10.) Holding Out For the Black Knight
> These Black females will say things like "I want a 6'3 male who is
built, educated, have a Navigator and have a nice paying job". These
females are soo picky that the actual chance of finding that kind of
man becomes very tough. But then they wonder why they can't find a
man.
>
>
11.) Five Mile Rut
> These are Black females who live and die in the same exact
neighborhood. These people never travel or see new things. I live in
Oakland. I'm shocked to find that many Black females I befriend have
never been to San Francisco ( just 10 minutes away!)
>
>
12.) Taking "Big Girl" Too Far
> I know it's cute for Black women to act like they are proud to be
BIG but its VERY unhealthy and could shorten your life span. I notice
most BIG Black women lose weight to look good physically and not
because it's more healthier. It's just something I've noticed.
>
>
13.)Playing Defense
> This is when family members and friends try to give constructive
criticism to a Black woman and she fires back in defense, not even
taking account of their comments.
>
>
14.) Being A "Don't Take No Mess" Sista
> This is a very large problem with Black women in our community.
These Black females act like a cartoon of a "ghetto black girl". They
are sooooo fukking ignorant that they think it's cool to act like a
fool. They also look down on people who talk proper English. You can
find them everyday at the supermarkets, at the workplace, or making
their daily appearance on the Judge Mathis show.
>
>
15.) Hating, Not Congratulating
> This is common in the black community. These are Black females who
hate and get jealous of another Black female who is doing better than
them. We should always support people who are trying to do something
with their life. If you see your girlfriend doing well, that should
motivate you to do something with your life.
>
>
16.) The Baby Daddy Trap
> This is just a straight ghetto tactic. There are Black females who
get pregnant and have a baby to keep a man around. The thing is that
this rarely works. That's one of the reasons why there is soooo many
single black female households.
>
>
17.) Good Girl Complex
> These Black females plan their life based on what their parents
expect. They will later in life work in a field they don't like and
currently in a unhappy marriage. They don't think for themselves,
they let their parents run their life.
>
>
18.) Breaking Down Brothers
> Most black females have a negative view of black males and because
of this they ignore a lot of good brothas just because they think
they are the same. Maybe if some black females open their eyes, they
would come across some good brothas.
>
>
19.) Not Reaching Back
> Most successful blacks Females forget where they come from. Even
here on Blackvoices, we discovered that many Black females believe
they have no obligation or duty to return their talents, skills and
dollars back to the Black community where they live. Also when Black
females are in powerful positions, they don't try to help other black
female just because they want to be the "only black female in the
Master's house". They need to stop being greedy and help each other.
>
>
20.) Unsafe Sex
> Black women need to use their heads when it comes to sex, instead
of trying to get a quick thrill or play dumb. We all know that the
AIDS rate among Black females is the fastest growing in the United
States. But still, Black women are asking the dumb questions
like, "why doesn't the Black man want to wear condoms." Many Black
woman don't insist on condom use. They are not thinking about
protecting their health, and that's sad.
>
>
As a race, we should always try to improve ourselves. If we have
too many internal problems, then it will be tough for us to move
ahead. If anyone has a list for Black Males, please post it, I would
like to read it.

[Gina1201]

First, who is Karin Sanford?

anyway, here are some of my comments:

Originally posted by ENIGMATIC
11.) Five Mile Rut
These are Black females who live and die in the same exact
neighborhood. These people never travel or see new things. I live in Oakland. I'm shocked to find that many Black females I befriend have never been to San Francisco ( just 10 minutes away!)

This is something that I'm trying to get away from. I have many friends who have returned home from college and plan on staying here. That's why I'm giving myself until 2005 to finish my MBA and then I'm out. Maybe when I am in my "golden years" i will return, but I feel I need to get out and see more of the world.

Originally posted by ENIGMATIC
15.) Hating, Not Congratulating
This is common in the black community. These are Black females who hate and get jealous of another Black female who is doing better than them. We should always support people who are trying to do something with their life. If you see your girlfriend doing well, that should motivate you to do something with your life.

I would have to agree with this statement. Too many of my friends that did not go to college (either because they were unable to or simply did not go) have said snide comments to me while I was obtaining my B.A. These statements include "What, you think you're special?" and "You're still just the same old person". Did I ever say that I was special or a different person, NO! Luckily, I also have a well-knit group of supportive friends.

[Darkcoco]

I believe I read this in either Honey or Sister to Sister Mag.

[Steeltrap]

Originally posted by Gina1201 (in part)
First, who is Karin Sanford?

Karin Sanford is the Rev. Jesee (sic) Jackson's baby momma.

[Gina1201]

Originally posted by Steeltrap
Karin Sanford is the Rev. Jesee (sic) Jackson's baby momma.

Thanks, ST. I knew I had heard the name before.

[mccoyred]

Wasn't Sister to Sister the magazine that published the article by "Disgusted White Girl" or somebody like that? If so, they have shown that they obviously are not living up to their name; they should be helping Sistas, not insulting us at every turn!

Originally posted by Darkcoco
I believe I read this in either Honey or Sister to Sister Mag.

[DontHaveAClue]

The 20 things holding black women back was in the May 2003 issue of Honey (the one with Free on the cover)

They also did an article about white women dating black men entitled, "I'll take your man" in the March 2003 issue. I thought that article was pretty fair. I'm not familiar with the one Sister Sister did though.

[Darkcoco]

I am not even sure how I got a subscription. Its not my magazine of choice.

[mccoyred]

My bad. I missed it because I CANCELLED MY SUBSCRIPTION. That darn magazine shows more skin than the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue!

Originally posted by DontHaveAClue
The 20 things holding black women back was in the May 2003 issue of Honey (the one with Free on the cover)

They also did an article about white women dating black men entitled, "I'll take your man" in the March 2003 issue. I thought that article was pretty fair. I'm not familiar with the one Sister Sister did though.