I Can't Be A Bitch

bgsugirlie · #1 06-09-2003, 11:57 PM

AHHHH You guys, I need help. I think I have a being too nice problem. I just hate hurting people's feelings. Anywho, here's the scoop...

This creepy guy asked me out for the fourth time...well, he's not exactly creepy. He's super nice, very smart, sweet, fun...but only in a friendship type of way. I'm not attracted to him in any way, shape, or form. The thought of ever kissing him makes my stomach turn...I just can't find a nice way to let him know that I don't see anything but friendship with him. Saying that just feels like a line to me...and every time I tried that in the past, the guys just totally stopped talking to me after that.

And last time I went out with a guy I had no feelings for I came home in tears because he was such a horrible date. I don't even want to get into that though...it went down as one of the most horrible nights ever.

Anyways, how can I be more mean without being bitchy?

LuaBlanca · #2 06-10-2003, 12:03 AM

Having just been in this situation 3 days ago, I feel that I should reply! Honestly, saying something like that isn't really a "line" if it truly is how you feel.

Just don't feed him a bs line about friendship meaning more than romance etc. etc. barf barf.

Someone's going to end up hurting...you for stringing him along, or him for getting cut. It sucks both ways...but it's okay in the end because you know that he'll pobably make some other girl really happy. He just needs to find her.

If you really want to be mean- say that you're either gay, or have someone else...(the 2nd one probably won't be a lie b/c chances are you have a crush on someone else *he doesn't have to know it's Brad Pitt!*)

Tom Earp · #3 06-10-2003, 12:04 AM

You could never feel that way about me as I am loveable, funny adoreable ETC

If it aint, then make it clear quick and be nice! But this guy sounds to good to be true!

Did You know, that you have a imaginary friend who you are starting to see?

Peaches-n-Cream · #4 06-10-2003, 02:00 PM

Just say that you are flattered, but you are not interested. It might seem bitchy, but not being upfront and honest can be cruel in the long run. Don't make any excuse, just say no thank you.

FuzzieAlum · #5 06-10-2003, 07:57 PM

Saying "no" isn't being a bitch! I mean, if he asked you to marry him, would you say yes just out of politeness?

Peaches-n-Cream · #6 06-10-2003, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by FuzzieAlum
Saying "no" isn't being a bitch! I mean, if he asked you to marry him, would you say yes just out of politeness?

lol! That's funny and true.

I think that many women are afraid to hurt people's feelings by saying no. Most of the time, a guy will be fine if you say no thank you. You can be firm and polite.

James · #7 06-10-2003, 10:08 PM

Uhm. I hate to break the news to you gorgeous . . . but . . . people that are too nice aren't afraid to hurt other people per se.

They are afraid that other people won't like them if they are straight forward or mean.

It just means that you are too worried about him not liking you. That you fear confrontation. And that you apporach things passive agressively. Which firther means you hope he gets the hint but will stay friendly with you, or at least on distant goog terms.

Ok ok ok. Let me assure you that unless your desire not to confront or have him dislike you leads to you having lots of sex with him, you are NOT doing him any favors. At all.

So just make some silly stuff up about being really interested in someone else and it looks like its going somewhere.

James · #8 06-10-2003, 10:30 PM

Damn girl. Live up here. I'll have you cleaning my stuff, running errands . . . lol. Hell, i'll even feed you as a trade off.

Quote:

Originally posted by AchtungBaby80
bgsugirlie, you read my mind, because I was gonna post a thread about this same thing!

This has happened to me a few times, but I can just never bring myself to tell the guy that no, I am not attracted to him, and no, there's not a chance that we could turn it into a lovely romance. But my problem doesn't just stop there...I seem to have a problem telling everyone exactly what I think, which is why I get stuck doing stuff no one else wants to do because I'm too spineless to just say no!

AchtungBaby80 · #9 06-10-2003, 10:31 PM

bgsugirlie, you read my mind, because I was gonna post a thread about this same thing!

This has happened to me a few times, but I can just never bring myself to tell the guy that no, I am not attracted to him, and no, there's not a chance that we could turn it into a lovely romance. But my problem doesn't just stop there...I seem to have a problem telling everyone exactly what I think, which is why I get stuck doing stuff no one else wants to do because I'm too spineless to just say no!

But James, let me tell you, if it's the case that she's afraid to tell the guy straight up that she doesn't like him in that way because she's afraid he won't like her, her fears are well-founded. Where do you think a lot of my good guy friends went? Well, they wanted to date, I wanted to stay friends and I told them that...and they quit talking to me.