Just a little sad

SkeeWee14 · #1 04-11-2000, 04:28 PM

Hi Sorors,
I'm feeling a little down and out today and I need some sisterly advise. There is this gentleman who I have been dating since January. He has been very supportive and understanding throughout my entire intake process. He's a frat so he was able to understand what I was going through. Now that it's all said and done and my journey into sisterhood is complete he seems to have a change of attitude. First of all, he and I don't live in the same city (we're an hour apart) so our time together is very valuable and precious. Prior to my crossing he would always make an extra effort to call to check on me and it was nothing for him to drive down to see me. Now it has all changed. We haven't talked in over a week. He hasn't returned my phone calls and the one time that he did call me he didn't leave a message telling me the reason for his lack of attention. If it were not for Caller ID I would have never known that he called. Immediately after my crossing my chapter was taking on a lot of different things so I was very busy. He knew this, but he also knew that I would go an extra mile to include him in my life. It obviously wasn't enough because the last conversation that we did have he was making a big deal about me spending too much time with my sorors and not enough time at home "waiting on his call." I feel like this sorors, and tell me if I'm wrong, AKA is all about business and that is what I joined to do...take care of business. He's in a frat and if they were handling THEIR business he would be just as busy as I am with my sorors. I am much too busy and too beautiful to be sitting around whining about a man. I have made the effort to reach out to him more than enough. I don't make it a habit of calling a man more than twice without him returning my phone calls (which he didn't). What I want to know from you all is this: Should I give it ANOTHER try? Or should I just go ahead and leave it alone so I can move on with my life? My other sorors think that I am being too hard on him, but I don't think that I am. What do you all think? Advice needed soon. Oh yeah, I do miss him...but I know that I can get over that eventually.

AKAtude · #2 04-11-2000, 05:04 PM

Soror SkeeWee14,

I don't think you are being hard on him at all. It sounds to me that he may be feeling threatened by your new obligations, and has a hard time accepting the idea that your priorities have changed slightly. Maybe it will take him some time to get use to that. I think you need to have a face to face talk with this gentleman and get everything on the table. He is going to have to meet you half way and open up to you. Obviously something happened to cause him to do a 380 degree turn around. I wish you luck and let us know what happens.

LikeASista · #3 04-11-2000, 06:10 PM

Yeah, I agree with Soror AKAtude. I think he may be a little insecure about the new status you've received as a woman of Alpha Kappa Alpha, and is now realizing that it could maybe dim his light. Maybe he's worried about all the guys who may be jocking you now as a result. LOLOLOL!!!

------------------
No weapon formed against me shall prosper, for I am a child of the Most High God, Who sits upon the Throne of Grace, and rules all Heaven and Earth.

deja · #4 04-11-2000, 10:29 PM

Speaking from experience. Men, I don't care what their status, fear change. Since you seem to have strong feelings for this brother, I would advise you to set aside sometime to have a long heart-to-heart. By doing this, should you have to move on, you will have little, if no, regrets!

Love is a beautiful thing baby, but it is confusing at time. Just remember to hold on to your identity, you have to nuture you.

Breathe......you "are" much to pretty to sweat this....now enough of this venting and get back to work for AKA.

KEEP YOUR HEAD UP!

SOROR DEJA

pink desire 13 · #5 04-12-2000, 05:36 PM

Hi SkeeWee. This is so funny because after I crossed last year. My boyfriend who is a Kappa took me through the same thing. I did not why nor did I care at first. But I can see you do care about him and want things to work. Let him know what is up and that you still want to be with him and that just because AKA came along, things do not have to change. I am sure he knew you wanted to pledge before you did it and he should have been preparing himself for the change a lot sooner than this. If it is worth anything my boyfriend and I are still together. Take care, I hope things work out for you.

deja · #6 04-12-2000, 09:59 PM

SkeeWee14,

Keep us posted....Let us know how you are feeling...Just a little concerned about you, my dear soror.

Soror Deja

APRussell1908 · #7 04-13-2000, 10:39 AM

How things can change once you step into the Pink and Green light...Almost 3 years ago, I had a similar situation with my ex-fiance. I'll spare everyone the tear-jerking details, but we we through a few months after I crossed. I decided whomever I was going to be with (dating, or for the rest of my life) would have to understand that Alpha Kappa Alpha had become a part of my life for the REST of my life as of 1997. This would mean that I would juggle my life's activities a little differently, making time for what was most important to me. I believe that people do what they want to do; if you wish to try to make amends with your guy and help him not to feel excluded, I know you'll do that. However, I'm just wondering if your livelihood in the sisterhood is being perceived as a viable threat to him. This seems to be the case (looking from the outside in), and I also wondering about his sense of security in your relationship. Pray about it, and keep us posted--you see we are all concerned about you

By the way, if he's in a fraternity, working hard AFTER crossing should NOT be a foreign concept to him, should it? (Okay, that may be a new topic for another post...)

My nickel and three cents,
APR

------------------
"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it turned into a butterfly."