feeling down

Pink Carnation · #1 11-09-2003, 12:44 AM

hey girls,

I am looking for some words of encouragement or some helpful thoughts, here is a situation that I am struggling with...

This semester I have been on academic probation with my chapter, I am the first to admit that I did bad last semester and I needed some help and guidance, recently, my probation was up and the board asked me if I thought that I should still remain on probation. I said yes that it helps me out b/c I am not allowed to go to all events so this gives me more time. I have been struggling really bad this semester with depression and it has taken everything I have just to stay here at school. Well in order to remain on probation the whole chapter has to vote and they voted I should stay on probation and could only attend meetings. But we have formal in two weeks and when I agreed that I needed to stay on probation the board made it apparent in my mind at least that they would allow me to go but I still couln't go to sisterhood retreat or anything else. Well I was looking forward to formal, I was going to take my best guy friend who graduates in December and had the perfect dress and now two weeks before they have told me I can't go. I feel betrayed and hurt by my sisters. Many of them knew my personal situations and many didn't. I was so upset I considered resigning b/c to me what's the point in trying to give your all to something and then not getting but a grain of anything back in return?

DeltaBetaBaby · #2 11-09-2003, 02:20 AM

Oh, honey, we have all been there. Your chapter wants what is best for you, believe me, they really, really do. The problem is that they don't know the entire situation, and it is not fair to expect them to make a decision without all the facts.

I assume that you do not want to tell everyone about all your personal problems, so pick an officer or advisor you trust, and talk to her (your president, VP, or standards chair would all be good choices). Ask them to say something like, "Amy would prefer that details not be shared, but her situation is a special circumstance. In my opinion, as an elected officer of this chapter, we should allow her to go to formal. I hope that you trust my judgement and vote accordingly."

Most importantly, don't lose faith in your sisters.

sageofages · #3 11-09-2003, 11:35 AM

Pink,

You need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your chapter adviser. Unless it is specifically in your chapter's bylaws, there was no reason for the whole chapter to vote on probation for you to begin with. The discipline process (and probations fall under this category) is very specific as out lined in the manual available from the executive office.

Keeping you away from Formal is not really in line with what is in the manual or what is "sisterly" in any sense of Phi Mu.

Please Please talk to your adviser, consult the manual, consult the national discipline chairperson if needed, so you and your chapter can this straightened out right away.

Let us know what is up!!!!

OUlioness01 · #4 11-09-2003, 03:25 PM

definitely talk to some one. i admire you for asking to stay on probation to begin with. you have special circumstances and I think it would be appropriate for the chapter to take a vote in letting you go to formal or not, especially since you are not on probabtion for financail obligations.

Just an FYI for everyone, I think that it is mandatory for a chapter to vote if the question of extending probation is raised. In my chapter we had some extensive FBMs becuase of the whole process.

**edited to add**

FBM=Formal Business Meeting

phimuandfries · #5 11-10-2003, 05:31 PM

Im from PC's chapter, and I feel horrible reading that. I really don't know much about the situation, but I do know that our chapter adviser has told us this is the way to go about extending probations. And what is an FBM?

phimualumnc · #6 11-11-2003, 10:35 AM

Obviously not knowing the entire situation it's hard to make a comment, but I have to agree with sageofaces - if this is Academic probation and you're in the middle of a term, there doesn't seem to be any need for the chapter to have voted on this, just to extend the probation for the remainder of the semester/term. That type of vote is typically for other disciplinary issues.

When we have a sister on AP, we meet with them mid term to see how their progress is going at that point. If all of their papers and professors comments are in line and the sister feels she has improved, then she's removed from AP and gains her social privileges back (sometimes limited social, as in one function, etc.) She does not have voice and vote however. At the end of the semester, if her grades improved to the required GPA, then she's no longer on AP.

Talk to your Adviser again. She's there to help you.

Phi Mu Love,
Shannon, Alpha Psi '78
Gamma Chi Adviser

meglion · #7 11-11-2003, 06:19 PM

I'm in the same chapter and we do have sisters that are on probation get a grade sheet from their teachers. If their grades have no improved then they have another meeting to talk about what they want to do. If they feel, as in the sister on probation, that trhey need to stay on then they can. It is in the bylaws that we are supposed to vote on issues like this, even if it is in the middle of the year.

PhiMuLady5 · #8 11-11-2003, 07:17 PM

I have been a Phi Mu now for a couple of years. I think that it probably wasn't an easy descion for your chapter, but yet you have to trust in your chapter that they are making the right descion for you and them. Not everything is always peaches and cream. Phi Mu has some sides that are really hard that we try to ignore. Just remeber she is there for you through good and bad. I I understand that you have some health problems that you don't feel like talking about but I am sure that they didn't have an effect on the outcome of this situation. I do have some questions however. Is this your first time on probation? And you said you were on acd. prob. what were your grades? I think before everyone starts assuming things, these questions should be answered.
Just remeber that even though this hurts it might be in your best intrest. And I am sorry if this seems un sisterly, but it is probably on of the most sisterly things to do. (helping a sister) School comes first. I think that it is unfair of you to want to stay on probabtion and not have to attend any functions yet still want to go to formal. Formal is a privaledge.
Where you at the meeting when your chapter voted? I think that if you have such a problem to post a message like this then you should say something to your chapter. You can bring anything back up at meetings.
Good luck!

PhiMuLady25 · #9 11-12-2003, 12:53 PM

Deleted for being suspicious.

DBB

Pink Carnation · #10 11-13-2003, 12:16 AM

I appreciate everyones thoughts. No I wasn't at this meeting and it is my first time on probation. I mainly think it's unfair b/c I know of another sister this has happened to and they were allowed to go. I know that my sisters are trying to help but I am just upset at this, b/c when I talked to the discipline committee and made a point to ask about formal and someone said that they could make a rule that I could go and so as nonchalant as they were about it, I thought everything was fine until our president contacted me. I don't necessarily blame my sisters and I am not angry, my feelings are just hurt that they could let one person go and not another. My grades were definantly bad but they have improved, even more since the last grade report, but I am not going to beg to them to let me go. I mean it's obvios that they don't think I should be there so I am not going to be. As the initial reaction I was ready to turn in my pin, but after I thought about it, I realized that was childish reaction.

PMSunshine77 · #11 11-15-2003, 02:22 AM

I know you've pretty much already made your decision not to go, but I would recommend thoroughly reading your chapter's bylaws, code of standards, etc. to see whether or not you are allowed to go. Some people are under the assumption that as soon as someone's on probation they can't do anything -- when, in reality, that isn't always the case. I can understand why you might not be allowed to go to social events throughout the semester, but after saying that you felt you should remain on probation, I would hope they'd realize how serious you are about improving your grades and let you go to your formal as sort of halfway reward or something.
I've been on academic probation before, too, and I know it's not fun at all. If you need someone to talk to or even just complain to for hours, feel free to IM me at PMSunshine77.