Should I try?

SweetWildCat · #1 08-24-2003, 11:33 PM

All this talk of recruitment made me want to sign up, even though I won't be going through until January, if I do at all.

I go to Northwestern and I'm a sophomore. I'm a little worried, because I went through last year and got a bid, even though I got cut heavily. I was really excited about joining a sorority even if it wasn't the most popular house on campus, but it didn't work out. My mom refused to pay my sorority dues because she was in another sorority that is really good there, and she said she didn't want me in a crappy house. She's been talking to me over the summer about trying again, and I want to because I really want to join a sorority, but I just don't know. What if I get cut again?

My mom says I can't join any house but hers or one of the other "good" sororities but I really liked the girls at XYZ. What should I do???

APhiRattlerGal · #2 08-25-2003, 12:00 AM

Just follow your heart. Dont be anything you dont want to be and dont be something someone tells you to be even if it is a parental figure telling you this. Only you can decide what is best for you

OUlioness01 · #3 08-25-2003, 12:27 AM

if you really want to be in a sorority then go for it. i odn't understand why your mother insists that you be in a specific chapter. what matters is that you are happy with the chapter you join. just go for it. just in case i would startsaving money for sorority fees. that way, if you join a chapter that she doesn't approve of you can still afford to be a member and won't have to drop.

KappaKittyCat · #4 08-25-2003, 12:37 AM

It's too bad that your mother is being so judgemental and places her own pride (legacy daughter joining her org or another "good" one) above your happiness and wellbeing.

I agree, go ahead and start saving up for dues. Go through recruitment; it's worth a shot. However, be forewarned that Northwestern's recruitment is fairly competitive, so being a sophomore could hurt you. But stranger things have happened. You never know.

Good luck.

SmartBlondeGPhB · #5 08-25-2003, 01:47 PM

I will throw in my agreement with what all of these women have said. They have said it much more diplomatically than I could have.

Good Luck!

honeychile · #6 08-25-2003, 02:00 PM

Hi SweetWildCat!

If you really like the idea of going greek, then by all means rush again! I hope your mother understands!

Good luck!

Peaches-n-Cream · #7 08-25-2003, 02:17 PM

A legacy is not guaranteed a bid regardless of the competitive nature of the campus. Your mother should be aware of this.

I think that you should try rush again. Parental pressure can be overwhelming, but try to keep an open mind.

Perhaps one of the mothers whose daughter has gone through rush can weigh in here. Paging justamom and carnation.

JohnsDGsweethrt · #8 08-25-2003, 03:08 PM

Cream I agree with your statements. It seems to me as parents we should want our children to be happy in life and I'm sorry you couldn't join the sorority you want to join. The thing with rush is there are no guarantees! Good luck sweetie!

APhi Diva · #9 08-25-2003, 03:21 PM

Hey Sweet Wild Cat!

I hope you don't take this the wrong way and I am sure that your mom means well, but her attitude is not helpful! It must have been a very upsetting experience for you to be cut heavily and to have your mom refuse to pay your dues when you were accepted at a house that you were comfortable with! What were good houses when she went to Northwestern (presumably YEARS ago) might not be good houses now. Joining a sorority is a very personal and individual process, and you need to find the house that's best for you! If you really want to join, if I were you I'd go through recruitment again and pick the house that feels right to YOU. Don't let your mother, or anyone else!, make such an important decision for you!!!

Hope this helps!!!

sunnygirl · #10 08-25-2003, 04:39 PM

Hi SweetWildCat!

I am really sorry about the situation you are in.

It is tough having to deal with classes and stuff, finding a sorority that you love, and then finding out that it isn't "good enough" for your mom.

A bunch of my friends from HS are in many different sororities at NU, and while I have no idea which ones are considered "crappy houses," I do know that each girl is smart and beautiful. Maybe the reputations that your mother remembers are really different today then they were during the time she went to Northwestern???

I agree with the rest of the girls who have posted. I would find the GLO I best fit in with, and think about what is right for you. After that, I would try and convince my mother that ABC is the right choice for you and really brag about your house. Like, how many girls were involved with your Dance Marathon, how many are on SGA, how many are involved with the Athletic Board, etc. GPA, diversity, etc. Bottom line is that you are you, and IMHO, it is really unfair for her to make this choice for you.

Best of luck! Please let us know what happens.

aephi alum · #11 08-25-2003, 05:54 PM

Go for it!

The important thing is to find a sorority you love, not one that will make your mother happy. How would she have felt if her friends and family had told her that her sorority wasn't "good enough" ?

DaffyKD · #12 08-25-2003, 06:56 PM

My daughter is starting her senior year of HS on Wednesday

As we have been discussing the schools she would be interested in attending, she has mentioned several times that she is anti-greek. While we were taking a tour of one school in April, the tour guide mentioned she is in a sorority and rushed in her sophmore year because she wanted to experience everything college life had to experience. My daughter's ears perked a bit at that statement. I am looking forward to see her decision. Should she go through rush, my rule is "Follow your heart. If you pledge KD, great, we will be sisters, if you pledge another house, I hope you love it as much as I love KD". We are all individuals. What is right for one person is not necessarily right for another, even your own offspring.

Go through rush, have a great time, and follow your heart. Do not let your mother live your life for you-- if you do, you will only feel resentment. Should you pledge a house your mother feels is up to her level but you do not love with all your heart, it will make life miserable for you and development resentment toward your mother.

Good luck. You are now an adult. Live your own life, not your mother's.

DaffyKD

GPhiBLtColonel · #13 08-26-2003, 02:21 AM

I think your mom needs to also understand that a crappy sorority (her opinion) at Northwestern just may be a top sorority at another college. All the NPC sororities are good organizations nationally -- no matter the local individual reputations. Some are smaller than others, true, but what is important is the bonds of sisterhood and the service the sorority gives back to the community via their national philanthropies.

When I moved down here to Peachtree City, GA, a goodly number of the sorority women I met when I was starting our now 3-year old Alumnae Panhellenic Association had not heard of Gamma Phi Beta. And those who may have heard of it before seemed to think it was "not that good" because it is not a typical southern sorority, or very prominent in the south.

Well, nearly all of them have had their eyes opened (I think we have one or two that seem to be like your mom!) And my eyes have been opened as well -- there was no Phi Mu or KD at DZ when I was at USC, AOPI cam after I graduated...I did not meet my first AST or tri-Sigma or Phi Sig till I joined the Northern VA Alum Panhel group when I was stationed at the State Dept...I used to (foolishly) think, if a sorority was not at USC, then how good could it be really? Don't even ask what my opinion was back then of sororities that "used" to be at USC!

In my almost 29 years as a sorority woman, the one thought that has crystallized in my mind and my heart is that all of the NPC sororities are wonderful & have enduring qualities -- or else they all would not have lasted this long! Only 5 of the 26 are not quite 100 years old -- CRAPPY sororities would not still be here if they truly were crappy!

Whew -- Maroongirl -- I feel for you girl! Hey -- how 'bout the next time I am visiting the in-laws in Chicago-land, I meet your mom and talk to her about a "few"things....unless she does not want to meet me because I am a member of the sorority she thinks is crappy!

GeekyPenguin · #14 08-27-2003, 01:47 AM

I hate that stuff like this even happens...what ever happened to thinking Panhellenicly? This actually is a similiar story to one of my friends - her mom was gung-ho that she join a certain "top" sorority at Wisconsin and threatened to not pay her living expenses at their house (which is a gorgeous castle-type place on the lake). My friend told her mom that things had changed since she was there and is now a VP at her choice sorority.

SororityGirlNWU · #15 08-27-2003, 04:18 AM

SweetWildCat, I will be brutally honest. I go to Northwestern and I am a member of a sorority, I won't say which one. I have been through rush from the other side twice. If I were you, I would go through recruitment again, and I would stick it out to the end, even if you get cut heavily - most sophomores get a bid unless they are a GPA risk. The fact that you took a bid and then depledged might make it harder for you than if you had dropped out midway through rush, because people do hear about these things. Even though your story is different, Northwestern rush IS competitive and most chapters do not want to give a spot in their pledge class to someone if they have reason to believe that this woman will not initiate into their chapter, they would rather give that spot to someone they know will become an active member. I don't know which chapter you pledged, so its hard for me to say how that chapter will treat you if you go through rush again, but I would be surprised if you have another chance to take a bid from that chapter. Sorry if that's harsh, but by depledging last year, you let that chapter down.

I'm not saying you won't get a bid. If you stick it out until the end of recruitment and fill your bid card, you probably will get a bid. If I were you I would either talk to your mom about joining a sorority - because I agree with everyone else here that things probably have changed since she was in a sorority at Northwestern, and honestly, I think every sorority at Northwestern is worth joining provided that YOU feel like you would fit in there. If your mom isn't willing to pay for the sorority, save up your money and pay for your dues yourself. A lot of chapters have payment plans, and a few split up their social dues so they pay by event so its cheaper if you don't go to everything.

My recommendation in a nutshell: by all means, rush again. Just be aware that you may be cut heavily because you did depledge, and be prepared to pay your dues out of your own pocket.