Some dating etiquette questions.....

KissASinfonian · #1 05-24-2003, 11:23 PM

OK. So I am confused about something and I just need some advice. As some of you know, I lost my boyfriend to leukemia in November of 2002. I am happy to say that I am making progress but I dont think I am ready to start dating again just yet. However, I work with a guy and he has been through the same thing....(His fiancee was killed in a car accident two years a go.) I have decided that I am not going to wear my *ring* from Justin to work anymore and someone took that the wrong way as if to say I am "finally giving Justin up." THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT....It is just a way for me to help move myself in a positive direction. Now my question is (after all of this rambling) would it be totally improper to ask Jason (the guy from work) out for coffee or something. Not as a date but as a way to have someone to talk to since he has had the same experience as me? I dont want other to people to think I am moving away from Justin too fast but then again I dont care what other people think because sometimes I just need to feel some attention from the opposite sex. (NOT SEXUAL attention just someone to talk to....)
Also, Am I allowed to keep my *ring* or do I need to give it to his family.....I would like to keep it but not wear it. His family and I have a wonderful relationship still so it would be OK either way.
Anyone with any advice would be appreciated.
THank You SO MUCH....
mlk

LeslieAGD · #2 05-24-2003, 11:29 PM

First, I am very sorry for your loss.

Second, You can't live your life worrying how people will react to your actions. If you feel comfortable in asking Jason out so you can talk, then do it...but, I would make sure Jason is comfortable with it. Do you know how Jason feels about discussing his fiancee? Even though he's had two years to adjust/cope, he still may not want to talk about it.

As to the ring, I think it would be right for you to keep it. And, since you said you have a good relationship with his family, I don't see a reason why they would want you to give it up.

FiReKraCkEr · #3 05-24-2003, 11:50 PM

I don't think it would be improper at all to ask your coworker out.

Sometimes when a person has went through a tragic event in their life, it is best to be in the comfort of those who truly understand how you feel. As someone who knows exactly how you felt (and still feel), he may turn out to be a great friend, and who knows what more?

I am not saying you want a relationship with this new guy...but for the future....I am sure Justin would want you to be happy. If he loved you and wanted the best for you, he would want you to be strong and have a happy, fufilled life. Your heart may love again, but it can never forget.

Don't worry about what others say! There is no right or wrong amount of time to heal. As long as you are true to yourself, then that is all that matters.

As for the ring, I say keep it, cherish it, and remember that you were blessed with his love, and you still are.

You are such an incredibly strong person!

If you need anything, just PM me....

Ivory

The1calledTKE · #4 05-24-2003, 11:53 PM

I think it is ok. You have the right to move on and be happy.

justamom · #5 05-25-2003, 11:21 AM

I didn't know about your loss, I am so sorry.

Two hearts have been broken, and to be drawn to another in this situation is so natural, there is no need to second guess your feelings or even your motives. I believe in the other side being able to communiate with us and guide us as long as we need them. (Even at times we are unaware we need them.) Never assume something is chance when perhaps there is a greater force at work.

As long as the ring is not a family heirloom, you should keep it. It IS a symbol of his love for you. My Grandmother was engaged to a young boy who died suddenly. She put the ring away and when I was 18, the same age she was when she received it, she gave it to me. She told me the story of how he died and how they had planned to marry. In my mind, after all those years, she found a way to keep his memory alive.

GeekyPenguin · #6 05-25-2003, 02:21 PM

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry for your loss, and I unfortunately know how you feel - my boyfriend Lee passed away last week, very suddenly, and I feel like my world has been thrown apart.

On the topic of the ring, I would say keep it. It will always be something to have, and to cherish, and to wear if you are having an especially sad day. JustAMom worded that much better than I ever could.

I would also ask Jason out to coffee. Even if you don't end up talking about your losses, I am sure it would be comforting to be with somebody in the same situation and have that common understanding. We all need new friends. I know Justin would at least want you to have more friends, and maybe someday when you're ready, another man in your life, not to replace him, but to take care of you and love you just the same.

If you ever want to talk, PM me.