For those of you with siblings...

[RHOyal-Silence]

hi sorors and friends,

how easy was it for you to get to know your brother's or sister's wife or husband?

my brother will be getting married in august. i am happy for him but i just can't seem to let myself get close to his fiance.

my brother and i are very close. we used to tell people that we were twins (we're only a year apart) i know this is childish but i feel that when he gets married it won't be the same between us.

ok so maybe i'm being a spoiled brat. but has anyone else ever felt this way?

[SeriousSigma22]

Sorhor Rhoyal-Silence,

I'm not feeling you on this one! I have two brother-in-laws and my 29 year nephew is married to a very nice young lady. Moreover, I try to take people from where they are because after all your relatives will still be related to you no matter what, and you should be happy that he's going through another rite of passage of life. Don't be to hard on the girl and give the woman a chance after all you might find out that you two really have a lot more in common that you originally thought.

Serioussigma22

[MTSUGURL]

Sorry to crash your board, but I understand completely. My little brother is my best friend in the world, and he got married last summer. I wasn't really sure how to deal with it at first, but I had always wanted a sister, and she had to, so I made it a priority to be close to her. The change in my baby brother is amazing - now that he's married we've actually gotten closer. He calls me to invite me for the weekend to stay with them, he asks me to help pick things out for her, I get cool presents from him because they're picked out by a girl...(just kidding ). Things will change, yes, but these kind of changes are good. Try to open up with the girl and become friends. You're in for a really cool type of closeness with both her and your brother.

[RHOyal-Silence]

well i tried to get to know her. i invited her and my brother as well as my parents and grands to spend the weekend with me. this way we can hang out and get to know each other

i was very hospitable and my natural sweet self. but it seemed like nothing was good enough for her.

she wanted to go back home to her parents after just one night. she felt my brother wasn't paying enough attention to her.

now my brother and i have not seen each other in months. she sees him more than i do. (they live in different cities right now)

we invited her to go out shopping around town with the ladies while my dad and brother hung out. she said she did not like shopping and wanted to stay in the house.

later on that night she and my brother went out, she came back and began packing. they kept me up half the night arguing. she actually wanted to drive home at midnight ( a 2hr drive) because she wasn't 'comfortable'.

she was upset because SHE wanted to go to this church that she heard about instead of the church that i was a member of. no problem. she couldn't tell me where it was or what time service started.

i cooked breakfast on sunday. she didn't eat.
we came home from church. everyone was ok with a small snack from burger king or mc Donalds. not she. so i said ok.

we went to a place where there were small restaurants. not to her liking.

so i took them to the art museum for an exhibit of Story telling through Southern art. it was very interesting.
5 minutes into the tour, she was hungry and did not want to continue. she sat out and actually expected everyone else to stop the tour and go eat.

now i am just exhausted. i know she will become a part of my life now, but i really need prayer to deal with her. i want her to feel apart of my family but i don't want to pamper her like she is accustomed to.

that's enough venting for right now.

[TRSimon]

Originally posted by RHOyal-Silence
well i tried to get to know her. i invited her and my brother as well as my parents and grands to spend the weekend with me. this way we can hang out and get to know each other

i was very hospitable and my natural sweet self. but it seemed like nothing was good enough for her.

she wanted to go back home to her parents after just one night. she felt my brother wasn't paying enough attention to her.

now my brother and i have not seen each other in months. she sees him more than i do. (they live in different cities right now)

we invited her to go out shopping around town with the ladies while my dad and brother hung out. she said she did not like shopping and wanted to stay in the house.

later on that night she and my brother went out, she came back and began packing. they kept me up half the night arguing. she actually wanted to drive home at midnight ( a 2hr drive) because she wasn't 'comfortable'.

she was upset because SHE wanted to go to this church that she heard about instead of the church that i was a member of. no problem. she couldn't tell me where it was or what time service started.

i cooked breakfast on sunday. she didn't eat.
we came home from church. everyone was ok with a small snack from burger king or mc Donalds. not she. so i said ok.

we went to a place where there were small restaurants. not to her liking.

so i took them to the art museum for an exhibit of Story telling through Southern art. it was very interesting.
5 minutes into the tour, she was hungry and did not want to continue. she sat out and actually expected everyone else to stop the tour and go eat.

now i am just exhausted. i know she will become a part of my life now, but i really need prayer to deal with her. i want her to feel apart of my family but i don't want to pamper her like she is accustomed to.

that's enough venting for right now.

I have two sisters and one brother. My brother is married. His wife was a tad flaky when we first met, but I have always made it a point to be cordial and polite to her. Things are progressing. Prayer definitely works.

Be your sweet and hospitable self, but also be willing to get away from her when you need a break, too. Some people (especially in-laws) need to be loved from a distance. Be patient. Sometimes, it just takes time to get to know someone, even when the person is marrying into your family.

[MTSUGURL]

Well, girl, you and your family will definitely be in my prayers. I will be praying that there begins to be some likemindedness, selflessness and compromise on her part, as well as a desire to not only become a member of your family through marriage but through love for you and your family as well. I'm sorry this has been so rough so far, and I hope it will get better!

[Eclipse]

Keep being your sweet, kind self to her. Looks like she is looking for a reason to have your brother distance himself from the family. If you do anything but what you have already done, she will use it as a reason to not be around your family (which means you would probably see your brother less). I'm definately not saying kiss her butt, but continue to be nice to her.

If she is that spoiled, your brother either knows it and accepts it, or is in for a rude awakening! How long before the wedding?

[BlueReign]

Good topic and I am glad you are seeking advice. Since I have a sister-in-law myself and I have married into a family and know what's it like to try to fit in I have both perspectivies.


First, continue to be your usual nice self like you said.
Second, yes, you are being a selfish, spoiled brat. Of course things will change between you and your brother!! This is life.

Even if her attitude is a little off and there are some "ways" about her that cause some discomfort when you were trying to get to know her, please remember my dear Soror, that there is something about her that your brother loves since he chose her above all others. In time, you might actually discover that you have a lot in common with her.

If I sound harsh, I'm sorry. I didn't like the way my sister-in-law was treated and now that I am an "in-law" I have had to overcome my obstacles in trying to "fit-in" with another family whose values and views are totally different from my upbringing. Please remember that when trying to get to know her.

[RHOyal-Silence]

well i will see her and my brother again in june.

hopefully all goes well. i will forget what happened over the past weekend and start over.

the only thing i found out we have in common is that we are both the youngest.

i will keep working on my feelings about my brother getting hitched

he has definitely matured since he has met her, and has had to do a lot more praying.

[toocute]

Originally posted by RHOyal-Silence
well i tried to get to know her. i invited her and my brother as well as my parents and grands to spend the weekend with me. this way we can hang out and get to know each other

i was very hospitable and my natural sweet self. but it seemed like nothing was good enough for her.

she wanted to go back home to her parents after just one night. she felt my brother wasn't paying enough attention to her.

now my brother and i have not seen each other in months. she sees him more than i do. (they live in different cities right now)

we invited her to go out shopping around town with the ladies while my dad and brother hung out. she said she did not like shopping and wanted to stay in the house.

later on that night she and my brother went out, she came back and began packing. they kept me up half the night arguing. she actually wanted to drive home at midnight ( a 2hr drive) because she wasn't 'comfortable'.

she was upset because SHE wanted to go to this church that she heard about instead of the church that i was a member of. no problem. she couldn't tell me where it was or what time service started.

i cooked breakfast on sunday. she didn't eat.
we came home from church. everyone was ok with a small snack from burger king or mc Donalds. not she. so i said ok.

we went to a place where there were small restaurants. not to her liking.

so i took them to the art museum for an exhibit of Story telling through Southern art. it was very interesting.
5 minutes into the tour, she was hungry and did not want to continue. she sat out and actually expected everyone else to stop the tour and go eat.

now i am just exhausted. i know she will become a part of my life now, but i really need prayer to deal with her. i want her to feel apart of my family but i don't want to pamper her like she is accustomed to.

that's enough venting for right now.

Sisterfriend,

What did your brother say about her behavior? Have you talked to him about it or is he blinded by LOVE.

Hang in there and of course we will pray for you.

[Aurora6]

...time and dilligence. If you continue to be supportive and sincere in your interactions with your new sis-in-law, things I think may work out.

I would also be careful in your dealings with your brother in regards to his new wife. Any type of negativity on your part may push him away from you and closer to his wife.

Try to be patient and remember what love is....
(and I'm not religious in the least)

Love is patient, love is kind, .......is slow to anger.....


Best Wishes Sis!