Boyfriend got kicked out, now I want to join!

Moxie · #1 05-02-2003, 03:15 PM

My boyfriend of over one year doesn't want me to join a sorority. I know this is a common issue, but my situation is complicated.

The thing is that he rushed last year, got a bid and pledged a fraternity. I can't deny the fact that I was opposed to the idea at the time, but it's because I felt he was doing it only because of pressure from his parents who were both very involved in their GLOs when they were in college. However, his dad's fraternity isn't even on our campus so it wasn't like he could pledge as a legacy. At the time, I had very little understanding of greek life...even less than I have now. He pledged, however, and I tried to be supportive even though he may have been able to see that I wasn't too happy with the idea. He didn't seem to fit in with many of the guys in his group, and I don't think they treated him as "brotherly" as they should have. Within two months of pledging, he did something "which looked bad for the fraternity" and got voted out of the house, apparently by a close vote. The incident was VERY minor and hardly a reason for him to be disaffiliated, but he was. He was upset at the time, but has grown to realize it was for the best and he's happy now. The incident, however, involved me in some aspect, so now I feel that maybe it was partially my fault even though he says he doesn't blame me.

Whew, that was long...I hope that made sense. Anyway, before I wasn't interested in joining a sorority because I wanted my freshman year to focus on academics and get situated with college life. Now, I'm interested in rushing and possibly pledging a sorority...would it be insensitive and hypocritical? How can I explain to him that our situations are different and will turn out differently, or at least for the best? I hope this isn't too silly a question, or too random/confusing, but I really am worried that he will take it as a personal offense if I end up joining.

AXWhoah · #2 05-02-2003, 03:19 PM

Um, it's extremely difficult to comment on your situation when you have no given us a clear understanding of what your situation is. That said I would have to tell you that you are an individual and you can do whatever you want within the confines of the law, haha.

Moxie · #3 05-02-2003, 03:27 PM

Do you mean why exactly he got kicked out? If you want to know that, you can PM me. Other than that, I can just say that it involved me directly, so I feel directly responsible although he says he doesn't blame me. I guess I can clarify some more since I won't be using any names if that's what you want.

He was at an exchange/mixer.
I was not, I was out separately with some friends.
A stranger physically assaulted me, attempted some creepy things. This all being during an era when we have a serial killer loose in our town.
I called him crying, because I was scared and upset and alone.
He was drunk, I told him not to come over.
Nonetheless, he asked 2 of the girls at the mixer to leave early and drive HIS car to MY house. He was responsible for getting them back to campus, but they came to my house, which is off campus. I offered them a ride back to campus, but the 2 girls called a friend who came and picked them up from my house. So, I suppose it looked bad on his fraternity because he was responsible for them...but they agreed to bring him willingly.
Either way, I feel that if I had not called him none of this would have happened.

Because I feel responsible for him being kicked out of HIS respective GLO, should I feel obligated not to join one of my own? Is this why he doesn't want me to join one? I guess it's just personal, something I'll have to figure out for myself...I just wasn't sure if anyone might have other advice/experiences.

CutiePie2000 · #4 05-02-2003, 03:36 PM

First of all, I am so sorry to read that you were assaulted. What a horrible experience.

Even though he might not like the idea, I think it's all in how you "spin it" to your boyfriend. I think if you were to pledge a sorority, you would be surrounded by sisters and this might help you on the path to recovery and feeling safe. The bonds of sisterhood are very strong.

FuzzieAlum · #5 05-02-2003, 03:37 PM

If that's something the fraternity thinks is bad - rescuing his girlfriend who has been physically assulted - good god, they're not worth they letters they wear. The only problem, and it's so minor, is that the girls got back there a different way - but that's their fault for choosing not to. (What, was he supposed to stuff them into the car and force them back?) I can see why he would be turned off of Greek life after that.

However, I should think he could only fairly object to you rushing if you planned to join that fraternity, which of course you won't! Explain to him that because one group is bad doesn't mean they all are. And you could tell him, because I assume it would be true, that if you have a bad experience with the group you join, you would reconsider your membership.

SuperSister · #6 05-02-2003, 06:13 PM

Wow, I can only imagine the outrage that would ensue at my hunny's house if the brothers learned I was assaulted

They would be heading up the charge to come find me. My personal take is that if you explain to him your reasons for wanting to join and your sincerity in not joining an organization that would be bad for you he would (or should) support you as you supported him.

XOMichelle · #7 05-02-2003, 06:46 PM

Wow, I hope there was something else to your boyfriend did to get kicked out of his frat. What assholes if there wasn't! That's redicilous.
-Michelle

Optimist Prime · #8 05-02-2003, 07:32 PM

Those guys sound like tools. Tell him to rush a different group. Although, I don't know your boyfriend, so he might be a tool also, and they just needed a reason to ball him.

maggieaxid · #9 05-02-2003, 07:57 PM

That is a silly reason for kicking him out. and you shouldn't blame yourself for their obnoxious decision- obviously, there was more going on there. i agree with optomist- they seem like tools.

anywhoo, i think you should go through recrutiment. i don't think it looks hypocritical or anything, and your bf may actually be able to give you good advice and support you since he has been through some of it.

and has he thought about going through recruitment again with another chapter that would fit him better?

Peaches-n-Cream · #10 05-02-2003, 08:21 PM

Moxie, you go for it.

Those guys seem like idiots. Your bf should try a different org.

I am glad that you are ok.

Megerts · #11 05-08-2003, 01:39 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Optimist Prime
Those guys sound like tools. Tell him to rush a different group. Although, I don't know your boyfriend, so he might be a tool also, and they just needed a reason to ball him.

That house must just be a giant tool box!

archangel689 · #12 05-08-2003, 02:12 PM

I am curious, was it a person who was affiliated with the fraternity that 'assulted' you... some really messed up houses will stand behind a brother even if he is 100% wrong in his actions...

Moxie · #13 05-08-2003, 02:57 PM

no, just some crazy kid. he was an acquiantance of a friend