not feelin it anymore....something is wrong w/me

DaNcEbUg83 · #1 03-23-2003, 11:08 PM

Lately i dont know what is wrong with me...things have been super stressful at school, but i dont feel connected to my group anymore. When i go to the house, i feel uncomfortable and uneasy and im afraid to say things, fearing that no one will understand. I havent gone to any events lately, i've just been signing the book, now...i have a lot of things going on with class...im taking 20 credits and its been mid-terms for me, so i've had to study...A LOT. I feel like im slipping up big time into old habits again, which isnt good and it seems that i dont even care if i die from this. I know that sounds so stupid, but im serious. I dont know what is wrong with me and i just want to cry but i cant show my emotions to anyone, i dont want them to know. Earlier in the semester, i wrote my Archon a letter, explaining how things were not well and nothing ever happened...she didnt even say anything to me. I sorta feel like im not even part of my chapter anymore, i know that sounds terrible to say. Im embarassed to be here, writing to other phi sigs b/c im scared to talk to my chapter.....i just wish sometimes i wasnt here

Please dont be mean, im not meaning to make anyone angry here...just trying to figure things out and get some advice...on what...i dunno....

LITP,
ktbug

Jadey28 · #2 03-24-2003, 12:18 AM

ktbug,
Don't ever say that you don't know if you wanna be here anymore. There are always people who love and care for you, even if they don't always show it. I am sorry that you feel as if you aren't apart of your chapter anymore. Several of my sisters felt that way a few years ago, but somehow they managed to overcome their feelings and remain in the chapter. If I were you, I would try to discuss this matter with your Sapphire Sister, or another sister that you are close with. If they are your sisters, they should be able to listen to you and assist you in your troubles. I would also discuss this with your Risk Management Chair or even your chapter advisor. Let people know how you are feeling...it will help get the weight off your shoulders.

Even though you are busy with school, don't forget to make time for yourself. Go to the gym, take a walk, go shopping...do things for yourself. Sometimes when I am stressed, I find myself writing letters to people expressing my feelings and thoughts. I would never give these letters to anyone, but it helps to get the feelings out on paper.

I don't know if any of this will help you, but I wanted to let you know that there are people out there for you. Please PM or email me if you need any help. I will try to help you...after all, I am a Risk Management Advisor!!!

Hope you are feeling better,

Jadey

phisigduchesscv · #3 03-24-2003, 02:32 AM

KTBug,

It sounds like you may be suffering from depression and being stressed along with it. I've been going through the same thing and like you I don't want to cry in front of anyone. Seriously I don't know if any sisters even know about how I have been feeling. I always try to put up a happy front but as soon as I'm away from everyone I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Or if I don't want to cry I just feel totally disconnected from everyone and everything. Even the pride I take in my school work seems to have disappeared and the simple things I used to take joy in and that would bring a smile to my face don't seem to phase me.

For a long time (the last year at least) I didn't have a clue what was going on with me. I have had a lot of stress in personal life with my boyfriend, family, and school but never made a connection that I could be suffering from depression. I finally was talking to my blood sister after I had thoughts that scared the
H--L out of me that had never ever gone through my head ever before. My sister was the one who told me to go talk to my doctor and sure enough I was suffering from depression. I've always thought I was stronger then that but the doctor said depression is quite common and is nothing to be ashamed of. The doctor said often people don't realize that they are suffering from depression even. I'm finally coming out of it and starting to enjoy life again and am just so glad my sister convinced me to go see a doctor

I strongly suggest you go talk to your doctor and see what's happening. In the meantime just know that you have all your sisters here on GreekChat for you. If you need anything feel free to PM me and I'll give you my phone number to call me. Don't give up on anything and please go see a doctor ASAP!!!

Hugs,
Carolyn

DaNcEbUg83 · #4 03-24-2003, 10:43 AM

Thank you for replying, i appreciate it.

I just joined the chapter this year, and several of the girls in my new member class has disaffiliated, and my big sister(sapphire sister) did as well, so i dont even have a family tree. I do know that i have depression, i've been diagnossed from my therapist and doctor. I went off meds Octoberish of 02 and was doing fine, but the prob. is im um....sick with a disorder. I havent seen my therapist in a while because im away at school, but i have talked to her on the phone briefly and told her im doing well. I lied though...im ashamed to tell her how bad im doing with things and how im overexercising again, she will be disappointed in me. I dont think i want to go back on meds just because im forgetful and dont ever remember to take anything. I know i probably sound so stupid, and i know i dont want to go back into the hospital for this, but i feel it coming...

The Risk managment chair only does the alcohol stuff for our chapter, i dont know who does the rest though. Its greek week for us and i dont really want to bother anyone with my problems during it.

Thank you for the advice and replying, i really do appreciate it.

LITP,
Ktbug

MooseGirl · #5 03-24-2003, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DaNcEbUg83
Thank you for replying, i appreciate it.
I havent seen my therapist in a while because im away at school, but i have talked to her on the phone briefly and told her im doing well. I lied though...im ashamed to tell her how bad im doing with things and how im overexercising again, she will be disappointed in me.

Your therapist won't be disappointed, she knows things like this can happen and she'll be able to help you. Pleas call her again!
Also, is there not any health sevices at your school? I know at mine there is psychological services which is free for students ;as well there is a student support group.

Quote:

I dont think i want to go back on meds just because im forgetful and dont ever remember to take anything. I know i probably sound so stupid, and i know i dont want to go back into the hospital for this, but i feel it coming...

Forgetfulness is something you can work on...i'm sure taking your meds half the time is better than not taking it at all. It is worth the effort to try since, as you said, you do not want to go back in the hospital.

even though your risk management really only focuses on alcohol, she may have other resources as well that she doesn't share with the chapter. Also, try talking to your advisor. If she can't help you, she'll prolly point you in the right direction and at the least she be someone to talk to who will listen.

Please seek out help.
LITP
Jen

phisigduchesscv · #6 03-25-2003, 03:41 AM

KTBug,

Please contact your therapist and be honest with her about whats going on for you. She won't be disappointed in you, she will just want to help you.

In the meantime talk to your advisors. I know you tried tried to explain things to your Archon but she may not really understand what's happening. Talk to your advisors, if she can't help you she has a whole network of alum and national personnel who may have suggestions to help you out.

Regarding your worry about forgetting to take your meds, What about buying an alarm wristwatch that you have set for a certain time to take your meds and then when you take your meds you reset it to the next time you're supposed to take it. Or set your cell phone alarm to go off to remind you to take your meds.

Most important of all don't be ashamed of being depressed, sick, any type of "mental health" problems or type of disorders. There are more of us out there then you realize. Just love yourself and realize that you are loved by your Phi Sig sisters.

Hugs,
Carolyn

DaNcEbUg83 · #7 03-26-2003, 12:54 AM

...

Yea, there are health services @ my school...but they dont know anything about eating disorders. I went there earlier this year because i fell on the ice and hurt my back bad, i told them that i was anorexic and they basically asked me why i couldnt eat....it was just a smack in the face. I know my therapist will be disappointed in me because i have come so far....but now im back at square one. Plus im scared shes going to want to pull me out of school and admit me to the hospital again...which is hard b/c everyone thinks im doing 'so' good.

I know this sounds terrible, but i dont know who my advisor is...

I have tried everything for remembing to take my meds, but i seriously cant....i think its an issue b/c i really dont want to take anti-deps, so if i cant ever remember to take them....then its outta my worry. I dont know...but i'd really like to get better without using any medication.

Its just super hard trying to talk to my sisters, when no one has ever had a eating disorder and only one of them had her blood sister struggle with one, so she doesnt understand completly.

Thanks for replying....i really do appreciate your insight and thoughts!

LITP,
Ktbug

SapphireSphinx9 · #8 03-26-2003, 05:17 PM

KTBug~

Depression is a tough subject to brouch... And so are eating disorders. But I'm going to be honestly blunt...

You need to talk with your therapist. Tell her the truth. Don't feel worried that she will be disappointed, or mad at you for lying to her. She needs to know what's going on, so that she can help you.

Take your meds! Please listen to us when we tell you this... There are reasons, and I won't mention them on the board, why you need to take them... Why anybody needs to take them. If you need to put post it notes all over your room, so you can remember to take them... Then do it. Do whatever it takes so you can remember them... (hell I have a problem with waking up in the morning... Now I have three alarm clocks placed at different spots in my room! that get's me up)

And finally, You're beautiful! I understand that stress and depression add to the feeling of not wanting to eat... But I know that a big part of anorexia is how you view yourself. Like I said before, you're beautiful! Have you listened to Christina Aguilera's song called "beautiful"? You should make that your anthem. Sing it as loud as you can.... And believe it!
Like with the meds, you have got to eat. Lemme put it to you this way, would your car work if it didn't have gas? Bodys are the same way. You need to eat, to give your body fuel. It's going to be hard at first, but start off small. Babysteps.

There's more I would like to say... But I think I've said enough for now. Please do what's right for your health... I hope that you feel comfortable in PM'ing anyone on this board... We all love you, and want what's best for you.

PSLAM~Beth

pinkyphimu · #9 03-29-2003, 12:59 PM

dancebug,

you are not back at square one!!! just think about it like you took a wrong turn! i was told when i first started taking meds for depression that 4 to 6 months after you stopped, you were likely to feel another crash. my doctor said that it doesn't last long, but that it does happen to most people who stop taking the meds. if you get through this "down" period, you will be able to make it back to the top!

the other thing is that if at all possible...avoid your health center! honestly, i had the WORST experiences there! once, i went in bc i had a uti, but the doctor told me that there was nothing wrong with me and that i had sex and was lying about it. i was 20, if i was having sex, why would i lie. she did a urine sample anyway (just to make me feel better) and i heard her and the nurse arguing outside my door about the results. she came in and said, i am giving you antibiotics, but i dont believe you need them. i could have punched her! and another time i went bc every person i lived with had bronchitis and i had the exact same symptoms. she insisted that there was nothing wrong with me, so i went home to my primary care doctor and i was bordering on pnemonia! he was going to call the campus to discuss her inaccurate medical advise! after those two incidents, i went to the emergency room for everything!!! it cost an arm and a leg, but it was better bc i was actually treated for what was wrong with me! long story short...perhaps your therapist could reccommend someone near your school! your health insurance should cover it even if you are out of state!

is there anyone on your exec board that you feel closer to? maybe you could talk to someone besides the archon who would be able to help you. or at least she may be able to point you in the right direction.

best of luck and if you would like to have someone to talk to, you can feel free to pm me.