Need Advice...

USFSDTAlum · #1 03-06-2003, 03:00 AM

...

Hootie · #2 03-06-2003, 03:18 AM

I'm facing the same situation right now.

My best guy friend and I have been such for 6 years now. We actually dated briefly 5 years ago. Since then we've always had this huge flirtatious thing between us. So he came home for Winter Break and we hung out. We ended up making out...and I told him that I was a friend first but that I would love to be a girlfriend...but that the timing was off (he isn't living here right now). So we agreed that we would just go with the flow and if either one of us felt uncomfortable we'd let the other know.

Funny, things have been prefect between us. And I owe it all to being upfront and to the point. Because we have a history he and I know that no matter what, we'll still be friends. And we're both more mature now (compared when we were dating).

Here's my advice!
Forget the sings...I had those for four years now and it took that long to act on them. Just be upfront and mature about it. If you don't feel comfortable laying it out on the line, then perhaps phrase your words or statements in a way that will lead you to understand if he's interested too. You'll know what I mean (hopefully).

I say though if there's a flirtation there's a spark and it's waiting to be ignited by one of you.
Good Luck!

CC1GC · #3 03-06-2003, 04:00 AM

Most guys in this situation would be pretty chill about something like this coming up. I think to some extent every guy is attracted to his female friends.

He enjoys spending time with you, take that and run with it. Most guys wouldn't put their trust and confidence with someone they didn't value and respect. He respects you, because in many ways, he juxtaposes what he values in himself through you. You're his reflection, the good that you bring to him is what he wish he could reiterate in himself. Now, if you look at same- gender friendships you'll notice in most cases that the level of attractiveness is even. From what i've seen, this applies to male-female frienships as well. Therefore, your asthetic qualities are probably on par with the type of girl he looks for, or dates. After all, why are you freinds if you don't enjoy the same likes & dislikes. I can't suggest how to propose a move on this guy. I know for sure that he's probably considered this (and seeked help through a chatboard maybe?), and would definitely not take offense to any straightforward moves on your part.

damasa · #4 03-06-2003, 12:12 PM

Listen to the advice from Hootie and Nick, it's great.

Just be up front about it. Take a risk. If he doesn't want to have a relationship it sounds like you two can still be friends. It's really not as weird for guys as you might think.

-No regrets- Imagine how you feel now and how you may continue to feel about this guy if you don't ask him or do something to try to make this grow into more than just a friendship.

James · #5 03-06-2003, 08:38 PM

Good advice, but remember that Hottie made out with him first. Seduction is a key thing in turning friendship into something more.

Talk before or without action really confuses a guy.

Kiss first talk later. It also makes him less defensive. You don't want him saying that he only wants to be friends because he really isn't sure what you are thinking or want.

Guys get confused easily.

Quote:

Originally posted by Hootie
I'm facing the same situation right now.

My best guy friend and I have been such for 6 years now. We actually dated briefly 5 years ago. Since then we've always had this huge flirtatious thing between us. So he came home for Winter Break and we hung out. We ended up making out...and I told him that I was a friend first but that I would love to be a girlfriend...but that the timing was off (he isn't living here right now). So we agreed that we would just go with the flow and if either one of us felt uncomfortable we'd let the other know.

Funny, things have been prefect between us. And I owe it all to being upfront and to the point. Because we have a history he and I know that no matter what, we'll still be friends. And we're both more mature now (compared when we were dating).

Here's my advice!
Forget the sings...I had those for four years now and it took that long to act on them. Just be upfront and mature about it. If you don't feel comfortable laying it out on the line, then perhaps phrase your words or statements in a way that will lead you to understand if he's interested too. You'll know what I mean (hopefully).

I say though if there's a flirtation there's a spark and it's waiting to be ignited by one of you.
Good Luck!

James · #6 03-06-2003, 08:38 PM

Did I mention that alcohol helps?

Peaches-n-Cream · #7 03-08-2003, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Good advice, but remember that Hottie made out with him first. Seduction is a key thing in turning friendship into something more.

Talk before or without action really confuses a guy.

Kiss first talk later. It also makes him less defensive. You don't want him saying that he only wants to be friends because he really isn't sure what you are thinking or want.

Guys get confused easily.

James called Hootie Hottie!

James · #8 03-08-2003, 06:00 PM

You are a careful reader Cream . . . LOL

Shall we say it was a Freudian Slip?

Quote:

Originally posted by Cream
James called Hootie Hottie!