More Inlaw Drama: HELP!

KillarneyRose · #1 05-11-2003, 05:40 PM

My inlaws just bought a beach house and have said they're so excited to have us and our daughters to visit this summer. I'm not at all sure its a good idea.

Sounds like a no brainer right? Free lodging right on the beach. But my inlaws (more like my father in law mostly) are utter and total control freaks who demand tidiness and order at all times. I am serious when I say I think my father in law has an obsessive-compulsive disorder. This man makes people use coasters on his picnic table and calls people out if they take a piece of bread "out of order". We stayed overnight at their house once when they weren't there because we wanted to break up a long car trip we were taking with our (then) infant daughter. Afterward, my husband was told we would no longer be permitted to stay there when they weren't home because my husband had neglected to put down the toilet lid ! (you all think I'm kidding, don't you. I'm not kidding!) I was riding with them in their car when my oldest was about 2 months old and I wanted to give her a bottle because she was hungry. He demanded that I wait until we could pull off to a rest area (ended up being 20 minutes that my daughter cried for her bottle) because he was worried I'd somehow get formula on the car interior!!! (I didn't I have the balls to pull out the bottle anyway, you ask? Excellent question! All I can say is I was young and much meeker than I am now - believe me)

See what I mean by OCD? I'm no psychiatrist, but he seems like a classic case to me.

Anyhoo, can you imagine spending the weekend at this person's beach house? All that sand? Water? Wet bathing suits? I'd go crazy chasing around my kids trying to keep them in line. Unless he sets up a decontamination tent on the deck, it is going to be tough to keep this house pristine and, frankly, I do not need or want the stress of staying under his roof under these conditions.

Should I suck it up for a weekend and go?
If I don't go, should I just come out and tell them it's because of the stick he has up his you know what?

HELP!

James · #2 05-11-2003, 06:09 PM

Uhm wow. I would politely be busy every weekend from now until and say the end of time.

He (Father-in-law) doesn't live in a total vacuum someone will explain it to him and it would be better if it wasn't you.

bethany1982 · #3 05-11-2003, 06:14 PM

Visit, but spend the night elsewhere.

AGDLynn · #4 05-11-2003, 07:03 PM

I agree with Bethany, but it still would be a pardon-the-pun, sticky stuation. How does he expect anyone, esp. children to come FROM the beach INTO the house and not leave a spec of water/sand/whatever.

Perhaps it would have been better to buy a house in the mountains!

Sadeyes21 · #5 05-11-2003, 07:16 PM

OMG how did you husband survive his childhood?

CutiePie2000 · #6 05-11-2003, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KillarneyRose

This man makes people use coasters on his picnic table and calls people out if they take a piece of bread "out of order".
The calling people out is pretty rude actually.

Afterward, my husband was told we would no longer be permitted to stay there when they weren't home because my husband had neglected to put down the toilet lid ! (you all think I'm kidding, don't you. I'm not kidding!)
That's ridiculous. I could see if you left the place in a mess (which I know you wouldn't do, but a toilet lid? That's insane.

I was riding with them in their car when my oldest was about 2 months old and I wanted to give her a bottle because she was hungry. He demanded that I wait until we could pull off to a rest area (ended up being 20 minutes that my daughter cried for her bottle) because he was worried I'd somehow get formula on the car interior!!! (I didn't I have the balls to pull out the bottle anyway, you ask? Excellent question! All I can say is I was young and much meeker than I am now - believe me)
That's cruel and ridiculous. Great...let a baby stay hungry for another 20 minutes...I would rather have a baby who is feeding and quiet in my car than a hungry screamer.

See what I mean by OCD? I'm no psychiatrist, but he seems like a classic case to me.
I think you're onto something, T.

Anyhoo, can you imagine spending the weekend at this person's beach house? All that sand? Water? Wet bathing suits? I'd go crazy chasing around my kids trying to keep them in line. Unless he sets up a decontamination tent on the deck, it is going to be tough to keep this house pristine and, frankly, I do not need or want the stress of staying under his roof under these conditions.
I think it will be extremely stressful for you.

If I don't go, should I just come out and tell them it's because of the stick he has up his you know what?HELP!
I think your father in law should consider moving into a shed so he doesn't mess up the house......

There was a great article in Dear Abby and it was similar to the situation that you described. If your father in law continues to be this difficult, maybe ask him what is more important, that he gets to see his grandchildren (mess and all) or to live in an immaculate house?
I have every faith in you that you can do this!

And for the record, yeah, I think he might have a tinge of OCD.

Or, here's an idea:
let them look after your daughters while your husband and you have a little getaway. Maybe then, they will see that kids are a little messy by nature?

GOOD LUCK!

XOMichelle · #7 05-11-2003, 08:30 PM

Spend nights elsewhere, visit during the day and don't go into the house. Tell your husband it's too much trouble. If they press on with the issue, explain in a very polite way that children are very messy at the beach and you don't want to get the new house dirty and bother them with all that mess.
-M

33girl · #8 05-11-2003, 09:34 PM

Give the kids LOTS of sugar and pop, then go shopping and leave them there alone with Grandpa. That should fix his little red wagon.

AXO_MOM_3 · #9 05-12-2003, 12:03 AM

My in-laws own a mountain house...and we go as a family usually once or twice a year for a weekend. The rest of the time my husband and I go without them. It is so nice to have the use of a retreat home (especially without the in-laws!) My mil can be pretty obsessive about the neatness too though perhaps not as extreme. She wants the sheets ironed at the end of each visit - we stopped that by taking our own sheets. We do clean the place up as well as we can before we leave - heck it's usually cleaner than my own house by the time we walk out the door! Anyway - I would go for a trial weekend. If your fil is ridiculously anal about it, then I would leave. Maybe you can offer to help pay for a cleaning service after you leave. Tell them if they want to spend time with you and your children in their beach home then they are going to have to give a little on the toilet seats and other things! If they are not willing to work with you, go home or to a hotel!

KillarneyRose · #10 05-12-2003, 12:34 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sadeyes21
OMG how did you husband survive his childhood?

Good question! Actually, my husband is a very laidback guy. I think he just let it roll off his back. Of course, now he's completely messy so maybe now he's rebelling!

Husband's younger brother had a stomach ulcer by the time he was 12 from all the stress of living in that house. Needless to say, he doesn't associate with the parents much!

I tell ya, it's those families who look like Beaver Cleaver's family on the outside that, once you get behind the facade, you reallize how screwed up they are. My family growing up was definitely un-Cleaver like on the outside but at least we didn't go around giving one another ulcers!

BTW, thanks for your advice everyone!

Peaches-n-Cream · #11 05-12-2003, 12:35 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
Give the kids LOTS of sugar and pop, then go shopping and leave them there alone with Grandpa. That should fix his little red wagon.

LOL!

I was thinking that you should set those kids loose in his house. Just sit back and watch his nervous breakdown begin. I thought that the parents are supposed to be uptight and the grandparents are supposed to be easygoing. I think that he got the roles reversed.

aggieAXO · #12 05-12-2003, 02:13 AM

Tracy,

How about spiking granpa's liquids with something?-just kidding of course

(though I would probably bring along some valium-not sure if it would be for him or me)

I wouldn't go-you sound like you already know it is going to be a problem-why put you and your children through that? It does not sound like it would be a good vacation for anyone.

lifesaver · #13 05-12-2003, 03:11 AM

Spike his drinks with Paxil, lol.

Dood, I dotn know what to say, I would think that if you were up front with him and tell him whats up, that might help...

Tell him, "We'd love to come, but I dont know how enjoyable it would be for me and the kids knowing how you like to keep house. I am afraid we'd be way too much of a mess for your tastes." Then if he says no, you wont, you explain his past behavior and say its not worth the hasel. only go if he promisies to lay off a bit.

THe beach house sounds cool, and I'm up on the free place to stay, but come on, with is crap to deal with, your're paying a lot more than what it would cost to rent a beach house if the ocan expreience is that important to you to have for the kids... maybe not so in cash, but your paying in emotional hell. You seem to be an easygoing gal, but unless you posess the amount of "I dont give-a-phuck-ness" that your husband does, you'll hate every minute of it....

CutiePie2000 · #14 05-12-2003, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
Give the kids LOTS of sugar and pop, then go shopping and leave them there alone with Grandpa. That should fix his little red wagon.

Keep them up late and wake them up early too, so that they are extra crabby....

justamom · #15 05-12-2003, 02:12 PM

This is a job for Hubby to handle.

He should tell "Mom and Dad" that it wouldn't be fair to THEM. It has been a long time since they have been in a house with a child and the stress would not be good for THEM.

It won't be any kind of vacation, because the stress will be too much for YOU! Better to invite them to your house for a short visit because the rules they dictate are not realistic. You would be fried by the end of the stay and Hubby would be caught in the middle.

I don't have a story that's even CLOSE to this!