A question for my Bruhs . . . Part II

[Ideal08]

I have another question yall.

Is it possible for a friendship that starts out purely physical to turn into something more? Or is the relationship doomed to be an eternal booty-call?

What are your thoughts?

[The Original Ape]

Ideal,

A true friendship is the "ideal" way to start any promising relationship; and usually that's how the deep stuff starts anyway. So if that's really how it begins, IT'S GONNA TO GET DEEPA unless they cut it off now.

If the people don't want anything too serious, then they betta cut the physical stuff out; or they could end up loosing perspective on what they have. One person will see it differently than the other, and feelings will get hurt. Happens all the time.

[Professor]

Any woman that I can take to bed easily will NEVER be a woman that I could consider having a serious relationship with. Don't get me wrong, we could hang out and enjoy each other but that's about it.

[AKA2D '91]

why not?

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by AKA2D '91:
why not?

Ditto dat! Why not Bruh?

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by Professor:
Any woman that I can take to bed easily will NEVER be a woman that I could consider having a serious relationship with. Don't get me wrong, we could hang out and enjoy each other but that's about it.

1) What is your criteria for 'easily?'

2) What if she took YOU to bed 'easily?' Why do men always think that THEY got the girl easily?

[tickledpink]

Originally posted by Professor:
Any woman that I can take to bed easily will NEVER be a woman that I could consider having a serious relationship with. Don't get me wrong, we could hang out and enjoy each other but that's about it.

[Chi_ZETABBW]

Originally posted by Ideal08:
1) What is your criteria for 'easily?'

2) What if she took YOU to bed 'easily?' Why do men always think that THEY got the girl easily?

It's some smart sisterfriends here. The male ego has them thinking they "GOT" the woman easily.

[Professor]

One of the things I dislike about professional women in my age group is that many are so desperate to become married that they will do almost anything and put up with behaviors from brothers that are disrespectful. I am attracted to very strong black women that require brothers to get to know them and establish a relationship prior to taking them to bed. I can not seriously explore a woman that will sleep with me on the first night. I would always wonder about her sexual behavior. I want to marry a "good girl" and not a "round the way girl."

[Steeltrap]

Professor,
Much respect. Great answer and what a decent thing to wish in your future wife.
I'm 36; I was raised that my sexuality is special and should be shared with someone who you have utter trust, love and respect for.
IMO, people need to get to know and respect each other as human beings before you get to the physical, if you are looking for marriage, babies, whole nine.
And it may not take that long.
Bottom line.

[AKA2D '91]

Originally posted by Professor:
I would always wonder about her sexual behavior. I want to marry a "good girl" and not a "round the way girl."

To play devil's advocate...

What about her sexual behavior? What about your sexual behavior? The only thing that one should be concerned with is the HERE AND NOW!

"Good Girl?" definition please... All that is GOOD AIN'T GOLD! LOL

[dirtymike1906]

Your point is well-taken AKA2D, but I also agree with Professor and Steeltrap. Don't morals and values still count for anything--whether it be the male or the female? Shouldn't one be concerned about the recent sexual history of an individual?

[Sexy Mocha]

Like my Soror asked....What about the man's sexual behavior??? Professor, what if this "good girl" finds out about some of your past indiscretions?

As far as morals and values counting anymore...does this apply to men as well? If we passed up every "around the way" man and waited for a virgin "good boy" to come along...I imagine we would be waiting for a LONG time!

[Ideal08]

Well, dirtymike, I would tend to agree, except it creates a double standard, almost. I'm straddling the fence, hee hee. But then, I guess it depends on how recent we're talking. On average, men tend to have more sexual partners than women (no statistic I read in a book, just from people I know). I do agree that morals and values should still count for a lot. It just doesn't sit well with me that a man would be willing to sleep with a woman early on, but then say she's not "good" enough for a serious relationship. If her morals and values are in question, then so are his. Now, and I'm not looking for any answers here, just rhetorical. Have any of you ever slept with a man/woman early on? If so, does that make you any less worthy of a meaningful relationship? Not to mention, his/her sleeping with you early on is not necessarily indicative of her past sexual behavior. And I definitely think one should be concerned about the sexual past of potential partners, it's too dangerous nowadays.

This is one of those topics where I can see both sides, all the time, LOL! But, Dr. Dre did say you can't make a h** a housewife...

[dirtymike1906]

Good point Ideal08--I see what you mean. I do agree that on average, men have more sexual partners, but I'm sure my bruhs will agree that some of these new-school women have been trying to hold their own. In, fact, I'm sure you will agree we ALL know a scandalous few! And for the record, we have ALL(well, probably most if not all) slept with SOMEBODY early on, and that doesn't necessarily disqualify that person as "good." It does, however, make one wonder about that person's sexual behavior, morals, and values. I would never say that a relationship would be impossible or less worthy, rather it would be quite unusual. Wouldn't you say?

And as far as nowadays being "dangerous," you are so right. Check out this month's Ebony--AIDs is quietly threatening to wipe out the African-American community.