Ending up where you're "meant" to - a new chapter

[adduncan]

Good morning, GCers.

After reading through, contributing, and reflecting on Carnation's initial thread, I had an idea for a new one.

There are a few of us who had (to put it politely) bad experiences in rush. Carnation brought up an **incredible** point about how to encourage people persuing rush (or AI even!) yet still be realistic, humane, etc, all at the same time.

I thought it might be constructive for those of us who faced rush and landed on our faces to spell out what *we* would have liked to hear. Perhaps it will help solve the issue brought up in the other thread--what do we say on GC when someone is persuing rush/AI and they need encouragement.

So, the question is: for those of you who had "heartbreaker" rush experiences, what would you have liked to hear from your Rho Chis, or others who were trying to encourage or console you in the process?

I'm going to take some time and chew on this myself, then post on my lunch break.

Back in the saddle again myself.....
Adrienne (PNAM-2003)

[CarolinaCutie]

I think this is a good topic for a thread, Adrienne.

While I hardly had a "heartbreaker" experience in Rush (I guess you could say I'm one of those who ended up where she was meant to be), I do have one thing that goes along with this topic.

If you're going to be a Rho Chi, don't lie. Please do not tell these poor young women that "there is, like, no way in the world that you won't get a bid" or "you are the one who is choosing US, don't worry about getting cut". I heard both of those things from my Rho Chis and that was just untrue. After the very first night, I was cut from two sororities. It was very strange to me because I had been told over and over again that being cut, ESPECIALLY after the first night, wouldn't happen. Many other girls in my group experienced this the next night, when they only got invited back to two sororities on a 3-night.

So ladies, I understand that you don't want to scare your PNMs, but be honest at least. Prepare them for what could be a huge disappointment... because I can imagine that many girls in my Rho Chi group didn't know what to do when their bid card didn't have the "right" sorority on it.

[carnation]

Originally posted by CarolinaCutie


If you're going to be a Rho Chi, don't lie. Please do not tell these poor young women that "there is, like, no way in the world that you won't get a bid" or "you are the one who is choosing US, don't worry about getting cut". I heard both of those things from my Rho Chis and that was just untrue. After the very first night, I was cut from two sororities. It was very strange to me because I had been told over and over again that being cut, ESPECIALLY after the first night, wouldn't happen. Many other girls in my group experienced this the next night, when they only got invited back to two sororities on a 3-night.

So ladies, I understand that you don't want to scare your PNMs, but be honest at least. Prepare them for what could be a huge disappointment... because I can imagine that many girls in my Rho Chi group didn't know what to do when their bid card didn't have the "right" sorority on it.

AMEN,AMEN,AMEN!!!!!

Oh my gosh! If there is one think that every Rho Chi needs to hear, that's it! When I rushed in the seventies, my rush counselor told us that everyone would get back 4 invitations the second day. The next day, the rushee who asked her about that didn't get any, nor did several others in our group; others only got 1-3.

In the eighties, I found out that some of the rush counselors at Miss. State were doing that and I called them in and read them the riot act. I said, "Just because you had a perfect rush or you're too embarrassed to admit that people get cut heavily, you don't tell a rushee that to save yourself grief."

NPC should release a Rho Chi booklet for national use that tells counselors not to do that and why. After 30 years, it's still going on. My daughters' counselors--and the few sorority actives they knew at their university-- hinted to them that only losers wouldn't get their pick of sororities. One absolutely got her pick. The other--well, she feels like a loser now thanks to that and I don't know if she'll ever rush again. This child has an A average, is a university cheerleader, and has an incredible rush resume but her RC built up the group with unreal expectations and I heard that 7 of the 10 girls dropped out of recruitment. Then the RC transferred to another school., leaving 7 unhappy girls in her wake.

[doubleblue&gold]

I agree, responnsible recruitment counselors are needed! Trouble is, my experience has been that the women selected to do it are the ones that the chapter doesn't want on the rush floor because they aren't good at it! So if she screws up things at least it effects all groups and not just ours!! Maybe they need to keep their mouths shut!!

I was absolutely ignorant when I went thru....I didn't have family that were Greek and had no clue what would happen. My counselor didn't pay much attention to me even when I was cut heavily the first day. Since I didn't know better and no one was telling me anything, I didn't care because I was invited back to all but one that I wanted invites from. Ignorace WAS bliss!

I agree that there needs to be training for the counselors. There needs to be set guidelines on what can and can't be said so that there aren't unrealistic expectations from PNM. And....I'll probbly get heat from this.....I think every women should be told that not everyone is meant to belong to a GLO!

Because.....I do believe that you'll end up where you're meant to! No, not necessarily during recruitment! But after the dust clears and you do or don't end up in a GLO or drop out of one after you've joined----that's where you should end up!!

I think I was truly lucky not to have any preconceived ideas or a chatty recruitmet counselor! Because I got my first choice and ended up exactly where I belonged!

[33girl]

Originally posted by doubleblue&gold
I agree, responnsible recruitment counselors are needed! Trouble is, my experience has been that the women selected to do it are the ones that the chapter doesn't want on the rush floor because they aren't good at it! So if she screws up things at least it effects all groups and not just ours!! Maybe they need to keep their mouths shut!!

Well, I sucked at rush but I think I would have been a good rho chi. Rho chi's don't have to do all the small talk etc - they should be mainly LISTENERS and committed to the concept that different sororities fit different people. That's the opposite of rushing for one chapter, IMO.

[roselampturtle]

I have my interview to be a "Rho Sigma" on saturday. I love both sides of recruitment, especially when I went through. I was reading this thread wondering "what were your Rho Chi's THINKING!!!" My Rho Chi never said anything like that. She was great but really wasn't informed about Recruitment, cause she didn't rush here, she was a transfer and her other school did it differently. My chapter took a different approach than last year to select Rho Sigma's and Im glad that my chapter has put me up! Im pumped! I guess I was more informed about recruitment than most of the ladies that were rushing with me. There is a book called "Ready for Rush". It is wrote by 2 bio sisters one is a Tri-Delta and the other one is a A O Pi. It isn't published anymore, i don't know why, but it really explained things. I felt I have alittle control over the situation then going in blind! So check out the book if you can find it!

Another thing.... If there is something that your Rho _____(Fill in the blank) did with your group that you either loved or hated, PLEASE send me a PM! I would greatly appreciate it!


Greek Chat Love,

Nikki Kiszenia
Delta Zeta
Iota Iota
MTSU

[MTSUGURL]

Good luck with your interview Nikki!


Crystal

[shadokat]

ALL of the chapters on my campus pick women who aren't good rushers to be their Rho Chi. It's sad, but that's how it ends up every year. And many will pick their "not so attractive" members too, as they say then the rushees won't know. I personally think that's just awful.

[XOMichelle]

I had a pretty good rush experience, but I had a bad Rho Chi.

Since I had no clue what the sororities were about, and I really only started to pay attention on the third night, I was VERY confused who to drop before pref. At my university, there are just as many unhoused as housed sororities, and I was concerned about chosing a housed chapter because I didn't want to have to leave a house if I disliked my experience. My Rho Chi kept saying, oh you'll like it, don't worry, don't worry. Everyone likes living in the house, so your concern is not really an issue. Obviously I didn't take well to this and ended up dropping the house (which I later found out was her sorority!!!). And you know? I might have gone to the party if she had honsetly told me my options in pledging and in becoming a new member.
oh well!

[adduncan]

This took longer than I wanted it to but then again--so did my work day......

My own undergrad rush experience was the pits. I don't necessarily blame the girls involved w/ the GLOs, because the entire Greek system was getting back on its collective feet at the time. (I've posted the stories before in other threads, so I wont' bore anyone w/ it again. If you'd like a synopsis, drop me a PM )

Anywho, I would like to have heard before and after rush:

"We try to match rushees with a group that fits their interests, personality, etc. Keep in mind, there are complex rules set by NPC, plus membership limits set by the school. We have no control over this. We try to get everyone a bid to a place where they are comfortable, but we can not guarantee it. Some people have not been happy with the process, some people do not get bids. If for some reason you do not receive a bid, or your first choice, please do not be hard on yourself. Not getting a bid is sometimes an issue of numbers, or other problems. It does not mean you are a "loser", or are less of a good person than other girls. Sometimes, it honestly just does not work out."

That might have helped me to clarify the situation a little better.

When I first logged on to GC, I was enthused and reassured with some very positive posts about what an asset I'd be to a GLO as an alum. However--I also know that nothing is definite about recruitment, just as it was then. It's easier to recognize that, even without people pointing it out because I'm approaching GLO "pledging" as a 34-year-old woman who has more life-experience than an 18-year-old freshman. When girls are experiencing life on their own for the first time, it's best to state the obvious, IMHO.

I also agree that maybe some training for PXs in dealing w/ girls who are disappointed in their results or who have unrealistic expectations would go a *very* long way in softening "unfortunate" blows.

One other thing that I've noticed: the people who described the "enthusiastic" PXs who make promises about the number of invites, etc are at SEC schools, aka, The Deep South. I'm from the East Coast, 99% of my ancestry is from New York and New England. The South and the East Coast are two entirely different worlds. For example, the straightforward speech I gave above could be construed as "harsh" or "rude" south of the Mason-Dixon line. But where I come from, it is honest and helpful. Conversely, the soft, always-positive encouragement in the South can be seen as dishonest up north. Has anyone else noticed this?

Thanx for a great discussion, folks, keep it coming!
Adrienne (PNAM-2003)

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

I sucked at rush, on both sides (at least IMO). I'm not the type who enjoys being in a large group, where I know no one, having to make small talk. I don't even like small talk now. Being the rusher wasn't as bad, but I still didn't like it.

I was like others, and knew nothing about greek life or the sororities (rush was in the Fall right as school started) and I was cut by most of the houses after the first day which was fine with me because I wouldn't have fit in there anyway.

But, by the time I got through rush I was exactly where I wanted to be even if it wasn't the biggest, most popular house on campus. It was the house I wanted. But, had I really wanted one of the other houses, I would have been greatly disappointed.

I don't even remember anything my Rho Chi said to me.

[ZetaGirl22]

I was a Rho Chi my Junior year. And no, I didn't do it because I wanted to get out of rush, or that I was bad at it. It was quite the contrary. I was a pretty good rusher. And one thing I can say is that I think I was VERY well prepared to deal with situation like those described above. Luckily, I didn't have to face one with my own group, but during our monthly training sessions the semester before recruitment, we were expressly told NOT to promise girls that they wouldn't get cut, or that they would definitely get their 1st choice. Luckily, as long as you ranked every house you went to on pref night you are guaranteed a bid, we only had problems with girls not getting bids who suicided one house. I really think other schools should take a hint from our Rho Chi training procedure. I still see my girls now and then when I am on campus, and still get excited when they stop to say hi

[navane]

Heh, my experience was my rho chi promising to call me with the details of where to meet for the first-round and then flaking on it. Guess what? I missed the first part of rush. When I finally got a hold of her to ask about the missing information, she encouraged me to drop out of rush because "...no one will know who you are".

Needless to say, I dropped.

Yay. What a supportive rho chi.

I mean, she could have said, "Say, why don't you attend the second round and see how it goes? If you feel uncomfortable, like you missed too much, then you can drop out." Or somethng to that effect.

It's as if she wrote me off from the start and didn't even give me the chance. I would encourage current and future recruitment counselors to do their best to be inclusive and understanding of everyone.

.....Kelly

[sororitygirl2]

I know some chapters pick their worst rushers to be Rho Chis, but that is the EXACT opposite of what should happen. Rho Chis need to be the BEST representations of sorority life, and need to be great rushers who can relate to girls and keep them in the recruitment process.

I had a good rush and was invited back to all the houses pretty much the whole time through recruitment, so I was the one cutting houses. However, I know it wasn't that way for some... including my best friend, who was cut for grades.

I think as a Rho Chi you need to make it very clear to girls that bad grades can hurt them. You also need to tell your girls to be themselves and relax, b/c I know that as an active I was very apprehensive of girls who were trying to hard to impress.

For girls that are having a hard time and not getting the houses they want, don't try to force them to join. Even though Greek Life is amazing and we wish everyone could enjoy it, it doesn't always work out that way.

[hopefulgreek]

Some perspective. I rushed just in the fall through formal at UF (over 1000 girls started out). I am very happy in the house I am in! Fortunately it all worked out well in the end. I was dissapointed by my initial cuts.
I also wish the legacy myth would be dispelled- legacies to NOT always make the house (yes to round two but that's all) I have three alpha chi friends in my pledge group whose mother's were all Chi O's.
I also wish a PI Chi would never ever say, "You are choosing us as much as we are choosing you." Not true, if this was so you wouldn't get a card back from the houses first telling you where you could go. The process would be more mutual like all the houses ranking you and you ranking all of the houses!
*mk*
ps- I suspect I was also cut for academic reasons, although I wish I could have been told that more so in the beginning. My PI Chi's told me that the gpa listed didn't matter but obviously it did. I also wish they didn't cut on a grade gpa point due to different schools (I had a vastly different backround than most of my peers.)