Mr. Right Now

[valkyrie]

I heard on the radio the other day about some study that was done (I don't know where or when or by whom) that showed that about 75% of the women surveyed were dating a guy even though they didn't see a future with him, i.e., Mr. Right Now. The radio station had people call in and talk about how they were dating someone, but they knew it wasn't going to be a long-term thing. Most of the time, the women weren't interested in a long-term relationship because there was something "wrong" with the guy -- in once instance, he treated her like crap, and in another, he had a kid and she didn't want kids. They were dating the guys "for now" because they thought it was better than being alone, or they had upcoming events for which they wanted dates and planned to break up with them after the events.

My question is, do any of you have a Mr. or Ms. Right Now? Are you dating someone but don't expect or want it to last? Do you have plans to break it off, or do you think you'll continue until you find someone else or just get really sick of the person?

I thought this was interesting. Personally, I never go into a relationship expecting it to last for a long time, but I guess if I didn't like the person enough to stay in it for good, I wouldn't bother. Really, if I didn't feel that someone was worth a long term effort, I don't think I'd continue seeing him.

[James]

I think approaching relationships in terms of Mr. Right Now is probably healthy. And then allowing that relationship show if it is the one.

It gets you out there dating more often.

As far as people "saying" that they realize that the person is not the right one but is going to hang out with it anyway . . . might be a little like believing someone's press releases.

Its pretty common for humans to say lots of rules, woulds, coulds, and shoulds but act pretty differently.

Otherwise, as you said Valkyrie, people would just move on to the right one.

If nothing else it has to be awfully hard to look around for that One Special Someone when you are spending the vast amount of your time with someone you are can't imagine being with.

[LuaBlanca]

I always find it interesting when people say they can't see themselves with "so-and-so" because there is something wrong with them. Somehow I feel that they'll be hard-pressed to find someone with NO faults. You just have to learn to live with them, and accept them!

Doesn't having a "Mr./Ms. Right Now" fall under the "Using Someone" category? I mean, once you figure it out of course. I find it hard to imagine that someone would BEGIN a relationship knowing that it wasn't going to last. You can bring friends to "important events" too....

[Optimist Prime]

Whats up Valk, are you looking for a booty call?

[KSig RC]

Originally posted by Optimist Prime
Whats up Valk, are you looking for a booty call?

whoa billy, make sure you read the rules first


they're really important

[swissmiss04]

Well, if I had a Mr. Right Now (and knew it) I'd be pretty upfront about the fact that I had no intention of letting the relationship go anywhere. Of course, if you stick around long enuf (or just put up w/ it long enough) you may come to find that your original plans don't fit what you want anymore. But...having said that let me say this. Staying in a relationship just 'cause you just want someone there even though he/she isn't what you really want is just announcing to the world that you aren't worth a $hit. I mean really, if you can't feel good about yourself w/o someone else there, you have issues. And lord knows you don't need to be dragging anyone along. If you're just gonna settle for someone while "the One" could be out there, then you're selling yourself short... Just an opinion (and like bellybuttons, everyone's got 'em)

[CarolinaDG]

Having a "Mr. Right Now" can either go into the using each other category or not. It's one thing to date someone just because you enjoy their company even though you know you aren't going to get married, and another thing to date someone so that you have a date to functions.

[White_Chocolate]

Yeah, so my friend had a Mr Right Now. He was really hot and president of a popular fraternity on our campus. He was also sleeping around behind her back. When she found out, she dumped him. Openly, she said that it didn't matter because she really wasn't into him because he 'wasn't her type'. And he started dissing her at parties(kind of immature but typical guy nature). So, she quit coming around.

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by Optimist Prime
Whats up Valk, are you looking for a booty call?

Hahaha!

No, for real, I just thought it was an interesting topic. I found it odd that there were so many women calling in to admit that they were with people they weren't really that into. It seemed silly to me, and I guess from reading the responses here, it's probably not as common as the study would have us think.

[japhir]

I've had a Mr. Right Now more out of the fact that a more serious relationship wouldn't fit into my life at that point and I was looking for someone that I could have a good time with. Now that I've matured some, I only date people that I could see myself with for the long-run because I have very little free time and I don't want to waste it on someone that I'm not going to keep around for a while.

[AXOLiz]

I haven't had a Mr. Right Now, but a close friend was in a relationship with one for two years. They enjoyed each other's company and "company," but when everyone else in relationships of a similar length started getting engaged, they mutually broke it off because they both knew it wasn't going anywhere. I can't speak for the guy, but for my friend, she got the benefits of having a boyfriend without having to get too emotionally involved...which is fine, if you don't want a lasting relationship. Now, she's realized that she does want to find THE one, so it wouldn't be a good idea to spend too much time involved with a Mr. Right Now (because, as someone in here said, it's kind of hard to find someone if you're spending all your time with someone else).

I, on the other hand, have no qualms about going out with a Mr. Right now for a limited period of time. I can usually tell after going out with someone two or three times whether anything will come of the relationship. And, if it's not going anywhere, I'd let the guy know that. We could obviously still hang out, but I'd be upfront about not wanting a relationship if and when the subject came up. And, who knows, maybe something would happen and I'd see him in a new light, but I'm not going to get sucked into a crappy relationship just to have someone. That's not fair to anyone involved.

[James]

Some good replies!

Maybe its like the frog and prince thing? Some people think deep down that the frog might really change?

Or less face it, its lonelier being alone. Isn't that one of the whole points of the development of college fraternities and sororities?

[Optimist Prime]

Being lonley sucks.
That's why you find someone to su....nevermind.

[DHgirl]

I found that the major problem with Ms./Mr. Right Now is that is sometimes unwittingly, you end up with someone who doesn't see you that way--they are envisioning the rest of your collective lives together--and it's probably the most painful college experience I've had to deal with. I swore off dating for the remainder of college because I don't want that to reoccur. There are too many things in my life that I put in front of "love"--grades, my sorority, church, family--not in that order, but thats just the start of a list. I'd rather wait til I could be more vested in someone. And now four months from graduation, I haven't regretted that decision at all. It was a good one for me.

[James]

It might be safe to say that for the vast majority of people "Mr/Ms Right Now" becomes the one they marry because of the timing.

Think about it.