A Picture is Worth 1000 Words -- Tell The Story

[CrimsonTide4]

This is a new way to do the story. . .

A couple of weeks ago I was IMing with a friend and she showed me this picture and we pretended like we were the women in this pic and started having a conversation as if we were the two women.

So that is what we are going to do . . .create our own 1000 words or more based on this picture. Get creative!! (yes I do this with my students as well from time to time.)




IDA = Blue Dress
BERTHA = Yellow Dress

"Girl, Passa sho did preach dis morning," Ida raved.

"Yes lawd although he was getting a little long winded after a while," Bertha complained. "I left my greens cooking in the crock pot and I don't want my house to burn down."

"Girl did you see that young gal come in here with that short dress on. She was standing up during Praise and Worship and I could see her How Do You Do. Shameful I tell you just shameful.”

“Well she sure woke my grandson up. That Negro had his eyes glued on her. I wanted to smack him upside the head for staring at her all like that. But you know quiet as kept, back in my unsaved days, I could have given that scallywag a run for her money. I had legs that would not quit. You hear me, Ida?! Shoooooot Luther used to keep me up all night long. I think for Christmas, I will get him some of that Niagara because Luther used to be a stallion.”

“Eeeeeeeew honey hush. But I remember when my breasts did not come to the top of my How do you do too. Girl I remembers when Ernest would just come a grabbing on me. Whooooooo honey if I was not saved I would tell you some things.”

“Ida girl let me go on home and get my greens out the crock pot and get Luther his dinner. That lazy Negro stayed home today to watch the playoffs.”

[korkscru]

Soror, this is very original. I like it! I like it! Let me give this a try. Let me just set the scene a little bit.

Passa and his wife are fellowshiping amongst members after church. They get to Ida and Bertha....

Ida: Praize the Lawd, Passa. Yeah things is goin' good, Praize, the Lawd. Lady, you shole is got on a pretty outfit. Yeah....

Passa and Lady move on to other members. As soon as they are out of sight...


Ida: Now she KNOW dat dress too tight fo her in her condition.

Bertha: Wha' chu talkin' 'bout, Girl?

Ida: You mean to tell me dat you ain't hear?

Bertha: Hear wha'?

Ida: Now I ain't spreadin' no gossip and 'member, you ain't hear dis from me, but dey say dat Passa and First Lady gettin' ready to have dey FIF chile?

Bertha: Wha' chu say?!!!

Ida: Yeah, I was fit-to-be-tied 'bout dat too. You KNOW dey say dat olest one ain't hizun?

Bertha: Yeah, I did hear dat. Dat olest one shole don't look nuttin' like the res' of dem, ain't it? But cha know dat I been seeing how he be eyeing dat Tamika Johnson girl. You know Birdie-Mae gran...da little "hot-mama" on da Yung-adult choir who always gotta try an sho out when she leadin' the song?

Ida: Yeah, I been watchin' dem when dey be talkin'. She always be all smilin' up in Passa face and he always gotta be puttin' hiz handz on her somewhere or 'nother.

Bertha: He shole do. Dat jus a shame. Birdie-Mae need to take a switch to dat girl fo bein' so fast.

Ida: I know dat's right. If she was MY gran, I'd put da 'STENSION CORD 'round dem legs.... Well, Bertha how yo 'bersitis been doin'?

Bertha: Well, ya know it been ackin' up for a cupple dayz now... Ya know, with all dat rain we been havin' lately.... I had ta call my doctor to get my 'scription refill.


Girl, I'm really cracking up on this one. Now y'all KNOW that this is, more than likely, a typical conversation amongst SOME people (particularly the OLDER women) after church.

[CrimsonTide4]

Ida: Do you still go to Doctor Irving on 54th Street?

Bertha: No honey I go to this new doctor. Dr. Alexander. He is a nice young man, handsome and e'erythang. If I was only 15 years younger, I would give that man some loving.

Ida: 15!??!?!!? Chile how old is this doctor!?!?1

Bertha: 45.

Ida: Now Sis you know you mean if you were 30 years younger. Oh my goodness, chile. You still a frisky ol gal.

Bertha: You betta believe it. That is why I am getting Luther some Niagara for Christmas. That evening I am going to put on some Clarence Carter and Marvin Gaye on the record player.

Ida: Sis, you coming to revival this week.

Bertha: Yes lawd. I am supposed to URSHER on Tursday night. Will the Senior Choir be singing this week?

Ida: Yes lawd. Then you know we are supposed to prepare dinner for Friday's service.

Bertha: Sis, we need to make sure that Lillian does not make her so called world famous potato salad. That potato salad is so dryyyyyyyy. . . . my lawd.

Ida: Now sis, I can't stop her from making it but what I will do is "accidentally" on purpose knock the bowl onto the floor so it spills out. You know it be so runny that won't be hard to avoid. I will have my potato salad on standby.

Bertha: Chile I hope this preacha coming can preach cuz that preacha from last year, honeeeeeeey, he was terrible. He was mispronouncing words in the Bible and everything.

Ida: When he mispronounced Lazarus, I had to call out GLORY!!!

Bertha: Look there goes, Deacon Baker. . . . Have you heard about him?

Ida: No chile. What is going on with him?

[Ideal08]

Bertha: I can't beLIEVE you ain't heard 'bout the Deacon! Erebody talkin' bout it!!

Ida: Well, tell me chile, stop holin' back!

Bertha looks around before continuing...

Bertha: Gurl, I heard he one uh dem funny negroes.

Ida: Funny negroes? Whatchu sayin'? He funny? OH LAWD!!! The good Deacon Bakuh? Oh lawd, Jesus, help him. Now, where you heah dis from?

Bertha: Ida! I done tol' you erebody talkin' bout it! Erebody in the chuch know 'bout dis! I'll tell you sumthin' else, too, sumthin' erebody prolly DON'T know... (she looks around) I heard he was messin' with Passa's oldest boy!

Ida: BERTHA! Don't you give me no harattack out heah, now!

Bertha: Now, Ida Mae, stop ackin' out. You know Passa's oldest boy is sweetuh than molassis. Shole is. Boy switch mo' than his mama. Shole do.

Ida (fanning herself): Mmmmmmm. Hmph Hmph Hmph!!! Deacon molescrin' that chile. Hmph. I guess all that talk 'bout him cheatin' on his wife was da trufe. Hmph. Bertha, I don't really know what to say bout dis here.

Bertha: I know one thang. My grandbaby, sweet lil' Jay-Rome , bless his heart... I know Jay-rome ain't goin' on no mo young adult all-male retreats. I know that. I'ma hafta keep my baby 'way from the 'good' Deacon. Rites o' Passage my foot.

Ida: Bertha, hush up... here come Deaconess Baker. You know she prolly have a coniption fit if she heard all o' dis.

Bertha: Ain't no sense in bein' all hush hush 'bout it... I done tol' you erebody talkin' bout it. Why I gotta be all quiet? Hmph. Somebody need to tell her. I'd want somebody to tell me.

Ida: BERTHA! SHUT UP!! Heah? Now, here she come... Hi Deaconess!! How you doin' this fine Sunday mornin'?

[librasoul22]

** Since Deaconess is the future saint of articulate enunciation, the women suddenly seem to pick up an aura of proper English**

DEACONESS: Hello ladies! Isn't this a fine, fine Sunday to be praising the Lord?

IDA: Why yes, Deaconess, it is! Are you going to the Cher concert later tonight?

DEACONESS: No! I do not fancy such wanton revelry! But the Deacon will be there. Curiously he asked to borrow my pink barettes and sparkly belt. He must have been pulling my leg though!

BERTHA: Yes. Because I heard he LOVES to pull a -

IDA: Pull a GREAT sermon out of his heart each and every week! Bless us all!

DEACONESS: Yes, he truly does. That's why I love him. Now if you will excuse me I am looking for my new lipstick. It must have fallen out of my purse...

[AKA2D '91]

Deaconness: (looking perplexed) No, it's not in here. I don't know what could have happened to it. I just bought it yesterday. Enjoy the remainder of your day ladies...

Ida and Bertha burst into laughter as the Deaconness walks away.

Ida: What comedy that was. Now she knows good and doggone well that she hasn't lost no lipstick...

Bertha: Chile yeah, she knows Deacon has that lipstick to coordinate with his barrettes and belt for that show tonight.

Ida: Yes, indeed chile. You shole is a mess.

They both chuckle

Bertha: Where is that grandbaby of mine with that car? I shole is ret to go. Those dayum youngsters...they get on my everlastin' nuvs.

Ida: Don't dey tho? They ain't good for nuttin. Nuttin' I say...

Just then, Ida's grandson, Jamiraclejahira "Jay" pulls up in his great-great grandmomma's (Bertha) 1978 Ford LTD...

[exquizit]

Bertha leans in to speak to Ida in private.....

Bertha : "Ida, I need ta ask ya sumethin pursonul. "

Ida: What's got yo wig in a knot? Spit it out. These shoes about to tear my corns up!"

Bertha: "Well, I on't really know how ta ask dis.........."

Ida getting irritated: "Turn dat dayum hearin aid up! I just said spit it out!"

Bertha: " Don't hurry me !! You ak jus like Leroy when you do that !"

Ida even more irritated: "You gots about one mo second befo I go home and soak deez feet in some epsom salts."

Bertha head down talkin to the ground"Ok, um, have you ever had that not so fresh feeling?"

Ida at the top of her lungs, eyes wide"WHAT?" "NOT SO FRESH FEELING?" "Chile no, but I tell ya, somebody in rehearsal did. I was sangin as usual and caught a wiff! I was like who in da hell let dey cat outta tha bag?"

Bertha: "SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Errbody out hea don't need to know what we talkin bout!"

Ida: " Chile, trus me, anyone in that chuch wit a nose know bout dat! It don't take nuttin but some Dial soap or a lil brown Lysol in yo baff wata to clean dem areas good. You on't eva smell Ida Brown! I know dat!"

Bertha: "But Ida..."

Ida cutting in: I don't know how sum uh dez womens don't clean good! I know I wants my man to keep givin me my special attention, so I be clean as a wissle"

Bertha: "Ida I wuz gonna tell you............"

just as Ida was about to go into another rant , the pastor's wife calls out to everyone from the front of the church

Pastor's wife: "Ladies, before you all leave I just want to talk to you ladies about the impo-tance uv female folks cleanliness. Today it was noted that sumbody seemed to be havin a problem dis evenin..........."

Bertha looks down, Ida get's pissed and the pastor's wife has no idea what she just asked for

To be continued.........