Dating an old flame's friedn...possible?!

smr78 · #1 12-14-2002, 10:40 PM

I have developed a crush on the bestfriend of this guy who I used to date (and have still kinda fooled around with this year) and I really like him. The problem is, I don't know if he would ever look at me in that way because of his friend...who he knows treats me bad anyway. We have so much more in common and I talk a lot with this guy~but I am afraid he is completely oblivious! Also, is it against some kind of guy-code for us to get tgether>?

James · #2 12-14-2002, 10:49 PM

Go for it!!!!!

It is definitely against the guy code but . .

Men like women will break the code into shards if they like you lol.

As far as him seeing you that way . . don't talk about it seduce him!!!

Remember: Talk just confuses us guys . . .

Any of the ladies on here have some good old fashioned seduction tips for this gal?

Imthechamp · #3 12-14-2002, 11:34 PM

Nice answer, sir.

Betarulz! · #4 12-15-2002, 12:10 AM

Go for it...

I'm in a similar type of thing, as I went to formal last weekend with the Pledge Mom of the girl I went to formal with last spring. We were never serious, but it's kinda funny.

Anyway, I don't see anything wrong with it, if you're the one persuing. IMO the guy code deals with us actively persuing the ex of a buddy. If she initiates, all rules are off.

James · #5 12-15-2002, 03:30 PM

It doesn' mean he might not hate you though lol.

Quote:

Originally posted by Betarulz!
Go for it...

I'm in a similar type of thing, as I went to formal last weekend with the Pledge Mom of the girl I went to formal with last spring. We were never serious, but it's kinda funny.

Anyway, I don't see anything wrong with it, if you're the one persuing. IMO the guy code deals with us actively persuing the ex of a buddy. If she initiates, all rules are off.

KappaTarzan · #6 12-15-2002, 03:48 PM

seduction tips, huh james?
hahahaha

go for it. you'll regret it if you don't. life is too short to worry about hurting an ex who you don't even talk to that much.. and if his friend goes for it, don't feel bad. at all

Lil' Hannah · #7 12-16-2002, 04:04 PM

I'm dating my ex-boyfriend's friend right now.

My boyfriend from high school went away to college and met these guys who lived down the hall from them, and they all ended up becoming good friends and living together their junior and senior years. I met the guys because my ex and I are still good friends and I'd go down and visit them once in a while, even after we broke up.

They all graduated in May and the guy I'm dating now happened to move to the state where I live and go to school. He's friends with a lot of my friends from home whom he met through my ex, so we hung out a lot over the summer, and then just recently we both realized we had feelings for each other. Apparently he's liked me for a long time but was scared to act on it. I was the one that made the first move and it worked out well.

He talked to my ex, basically to "get his blessing" and my ex said he didn't mind. The ex is in grad school right now so we don't see him often and things haven't been awkward when we do. So far it has been an all around good experience, so I say go for it but just make sure the guy you dated previously doesn't mind. If he does, then unfortunately I think you have to back off, so you don't violate the previously mentioned "guy code".

sigmagrrl · #8 12-16-2002, 04:20 PM

I'll say no. Cuz I wouldn't want a girlfriend to date my ex. It'd tear my heart to pieces. That's my opinion.

smr78 · #9 12-16-2002, 09:49 PM

See, I don't think the "ex" would mind because we were never officially together-and he doesnt exactly treat me well-if he had wanted to have a relationship w/ me he could have, but he wasnt looking for obligations. Basically I'm more worried about his friend considering it-like he may not look at me in that light?

sororitygirl2 · #10 12-16-2002, 11:54 PM

It totally depends on the situation with the ex... If you don't care about him, then it doesn't matter. But, if his friendship means more to you than the possibility of hooking up with the new guy, then proceed cautiously.

James · #11 12-17-2002, 04:46 PM

Naaaah, screw the friendship with the EX. If you guys were great friends then you probably wouldn't have broken up lol. Or in your case never got together.

You girls need to learn that EX means EX! Gone from your life.

Adios, goodbye, good riddance, thank you for auditioning but you weren't good enough for the part. . . we'll call you never!

Cause if you think about it, having an EX that you either pal around with or have to worry about when you want to start dating again is an EX that is interfering with you moving forward.

There are a lot of threads on here devoted to people asking advice about what to do when they really like someone but that person still has the EX in their life.

So in this case, the ex relationship has nothing to do with you. His feelings are not only unimportant but irrelevant. ITs really between him and his friend as you surmised. And since we are on your side here . . . if he had been more c0onsiderate of your feelings he wouldn't be an EX lol.

If his friend likes you, well, most guys would sell their friends down the river for a girl in a heartbeat. Sad but true.

We had this one Brother, kind of the anal-probbaly-will-climb-on-top-of-a-building-with-a-sniper-rifle type of guy that used to go on and on how Brothers shouldn't date other brothers' Ex-GF's.

He used to get quite worked up about it, practically frothed at the mouth.

So what does he do? starts dating an EX-Girlfriend of one his brothers and ends up engaged to her

. Talk about a hypocrite.

Quote:

Originally posted by sororitygirl2
It totally depends on the situation with the ex... If you don't care about him, then it doesn't matter. But, if his friendship means more to you than the possibility of hooking up with the new guy, then proceed cautiously.