General Anxiety Disorder

kddani · #1 03-12-2003, 11:00 PM

I just found out that a guy that I date has General Anxiety Disorder. I've known him for months, we've dated off and on, and he just told me tonight.
We have times where we get a long great, and other times where we've had huge arguments over stupid little things. I've been so frustrated with him.
This explains so much to me now. But i'm not sure with how to deal with it.
He's not on meds, he says that he has a more mild case of it. He refuses to take the meds, actually, b/c of the side effects and etc. He says it comes and goes.
If anyone has any advice on how i can deal with this, if you have G.A.D. or have dated someone who has, i would REALLY appreciate your advice. PM me if you don't want to post. Thank you.

James · #2 03-12-2003, 11:05 PM

I'll answer at length later but you have to treat him like he doesn't have GAD . . .

At least in terms of having arelationship with him . . .

Otherwise, well what are you going to do, give him a general dispensation to make you unhappy because he has a condition?

Does that give him some kind of liscence to make you miserable lol?

Guage his behavior by how it makes you feel, not what reason he has to be an ass.

aggieAXO · #3 03-13-2003, 01:51 AM

I PMed you

josie · #4 03-13-2003, 01:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
I'll answer at length later but you have to treat him like he doesn't have GAD . . .

he's still a normal person, so there's no reason to treat him any differently.
i'm lucky (??) enough to suffer from a moderate depressive disorder and social anxiety disorder. going greek was actually one of the things that helped me a lot with it, as well as the meds i'm on.

but i'll agree with james, the g.a.d. isn't a crutch for making you unhappy, although it will explain a lot of the frustration you've been having with him.

xo

AchtungBaby80 · #5 03-13-2003, 10:57 AM

GAD isn't a mental disease--it's more of a chemical imbalance (physical) thing. Many more people have it than you'd probably imagine, but it's not noticeable because it's not bad enough to have a big effect. For other people, it's almost a handicap. I have it and I take medication, so it's generally not a problem. I agree with whoever said GAD isn't an excuse to be bitchy. It's not. People with GAD just get more anxious about normal things than people without it, but again, that doesn't equal bitchiness. If he's using this as an excuse for behaving in a way that's inconsiderate or inappropriate, that isn't fair and he probably is using it as a "crutch." If, in his case, it's bad enough that it affects his daily life and interactions with people, he either needs medication or counseling, or a combination of both.

kddani · #6 03-13-2003, 11:19 AM

Thank you for your responses, it's good to get another perspective for it.

I definatley think that he's using it as a crutch. In not treating it properly, he's definately just having a "this is the way things are, sorry" attitude.

I myself am a firm believer in controlling things that you can control.

He says he hasn't been to a therapist in awhile, but he's going Monday. That's all that he does to treat it, goes, every once in awhile, but he refuses to take medication. While he claims to have a mild case of it, I think differently. While I have almost no experience with it, when I look back on all that we've been through since last fall when we sorta started dating, G.A.D. has had such a huge effect on it. If something is having such a huge effect on your personal relationships, shouldn't you try to do more to control it?

He's using it as an excuse, and we talked for hours last night about it. Essentially he's fine with not being able to date anyone, and wants to be just friends now. How convenient. I've done all that I can do with him, i've put up with so much, this constant limbo. So I guess i've kind of accepted the fact that he doesn't want to do anything to change it, and I can't make him.

Thanks everyone, b/c in hearing from other people, it helps me understand things.

I love how I can always go to GC with any random ass question on my mind and get a good response from people that I "sorta" know. Gotta love ChitChat

sugar and spice · #7 03-13-2003, 01:04 PM

I think it's entirely his decision to take medication for it. There are a lot of those with anxiety disorders out there (or depression, or lots of other types of similar issues) who don't believe in medication as long as they're still able to function and aren't hurting themselves or anybody else. I'm one of them -- I think that America is overmedicated as it is and there's no reason that everybody should conform to a set standard of "anxiety level." Some level of variation in how much anxiety we all have should be standard -- why should everybody have to be like everybody else?

That said, if his decision is not to be on medication, he still needs to deal with the consequences, and not use the disorder as a crutch. If he's not going to make an effort to fix the ways his anxiety is affecting your relationship, it's probably good that you're getting out of it this early -- it'll spare you a lot of pain and trouble in the long run.

AOX81 · #8 03-13-2003, 02:38 PM

I have a mild form of general anxiety disorder and I would say that it is the cause of 99% of me and my husbands arguments...

I tried medication ONE time and ONE time only and never touched it again. It made me feel like I was completely out of it. I have learned to deal with it in certain situations...

If you have any specific questions feel free to PM me.

XOMichelle · #9 03-13-2003, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kddani

I myself am a firm believer in controlling things that you can control.

I dated a guy with GAD for two years. My sister has some form of anxiety/ depression too. Both were on medication for some time. Outwardly, I didn't think the medication changed thier behavior that much, but it was the inward change that they noticed.

The thing with anxiety, is that unless you take drugs, you really can't change it all that much. It's a feeling, a reaction, and it's deep down and immediate. Sometimes it goes away, and sometimes it gets better (especially if the people put themselves in situations where they don't encounter things that make them more prone to panic attacks and what not). And although you can be there for them, there is nothing you can do that will fix how they feel (I tried so hard and was very frusterated).

I know you think he's using it as a crutch, and that if he just thought about things in a different way, he would be able to get over it. But the thing with anxiety is that is very hard, and sometimes can't be done in a curcumstance, or without lots of time. Maybe it's not a crutch, but the truth.

I know that part of my breakup with my ex was that he needed time to deal with who he was, and how his anxiety fit into that picture. I couldn't help him with that.
-M

josie · #10 03-13-2003, 11:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ariesrising
I have GAD, I was diagnosed in March of 2002. I was (am) on Paxil, and it is truly a decision I wish I could have done without.

hmmm wow paxil did that to you?! paxil did absolutely nothing to me at all, in fact, it didn't even help!

i was on xanax for a while and that's some really bad stuff. it helped, but it threw me on an physical rollercoaster as far as feeling up and down very rapidly. and when i finally quit the medication i ended up having a seizure on a train on the way back to boston!

so right now i take ativan and its actually not working. i definitely agree with the comment about america being overmedicated....look inside my medicine cabinet, for instance. but i'm willing to try different medications to get mine under control because i'm not fortunate enough to have a milder case of the GAD & depression, to the effect where it really does get in the way of my daily life.

whew, i can't believe i just posted all of that private info.

valkyrie · #11 03-14-2003, 12:28 AM

Okay, since we're all baring our souls here, I guess I'll jump on the bandwagon, lol.

I have just been diagnosed with what I suppose is panic disorder related to claustrophobia and mild depression. I say that because although panic disorder is not the same thing as GAD, I imagine that it has some of the same features.

My situation is kind of weird, because I only experience panic attacks as a result of claustrophobia. This has been a big problem for me for the past year because in my work as a criminal defense attorney, I often have to go into small, locked rooms to meet with clients who are incarcerated. Anyway, sometimes when I'm in there, I have a panic attack -- so it's a panic attack, but it's not the "normal" kind where it just comes out of nowhere and you have no idea why.

So although I know *why* I have my anxiety, it still sucks and stresses me out even when I'm not at work. I'm sure it has affected my relationships, although not in the exact same way as someone with GAD.

Anyway, I finally was so fed up with the stress I went to see a psychiatrist, and she put me on Zoloft. I've only been taking it for a week and a half now, so I don't even think I'm feeling the full effects of the medication yet, but I'm already feeling MUCH better. I was in lockup yesterday and today, and I still don't love it, but I didn't feel the waves of panic and horrible symptoms that I've felt in the past. I also haven't really had any side effects (knock on wood) and I don't feel out of it at all. I just feel NORMAL, if that makes sense.

I have to say, it felt like a huge relief to see a psychiatrist, and I'm happy to try the medication, at least for as long as I'm at my job (if I weren't at this job, my claustrophobia really wouldn't be a big problem for me). I think when you're dealing with something like this, at some point, it's just time to do something about it.

Anyway, I'm not sure if this is helpful, but I just felt like joining the sharing.

Dionysus · #12 03-14-2003, 12:45 AM

Oh my, never knew this was so common.

Yeah, I have anxiety disorder too. I've been given Zoloft and Paxil in the past. Zoloft didn't do much for me. Now, Paxil was some good sh*t! BUT, the side effects was not worth it. Between the 12-14 hours of sleep I had per day and STUPOR I was in when I was awake, I had to discontinue it. I remember like passing out sleeping on the cafeteria floor once.

I only have a mild case of it, but it is still a big pain.

amycat412 · #13 03-14-2003, 12:54 AM

OK, ME TOO.

I have mild panic/anxiety disorder. It comes out of nowhere and feels like I am suffocating.

I am not on meds for it, and don't wish to be unless my doc says its absolutely necessary, which she doesn't think are necessary at this point in time.

I started therapy about 6 weeks ago and it has been IMMENSELY helpful. I notice already I am calmer and I react to situations differently. Things that trigger my panic/anxiety still start to... but my mind kicks in and I can just about talk myself out of it. My panic/anxiety stems from some childhood issues, which I am working out in therapy.

I don't think you can really use GAD as an excuse for bad behavior. I've never had a full blown attack around mr amycat-- I think because I feel so safe and protected with him -- but when I do have them, I know who I can and cannot turn to to talk me down and all that. If anything, I become more courteous to others, harder on MYSELF when they are happening.

aggieAXO · #14 03-14-2003, 02:01 AM

Danielle-clean out your mailbox

As far as the comment about America being over medicated-I am thankful everyday there is medication available now to treat these disorders. My family has a history of depression and back in the eary 1900's there wasn't much to do aside from shock therapy-now how would like that done? I am sure those side effects are lovely. My great aunt eventually commited suicide b/c of her depression and i wonder if there had been medication would she have had a somewhat normal life? As a person who suffers from depression i think God there are meds out there to help me. It all depends on your situation.

amycat412 · #15 03-14-2003, 02:27 AM

AggieAXO, I totally agree with you. So many cases in the past that could not be treated, I do wonder what kind of happy life they could have had w meds.

That said, I also agree w whomever said "overmedication"

While there are MANY people who geniunely have a problem--there are too many that feel down for a week or two--which is a normal emotion that occurs in life, it does not mean you are depressed==and run to doc for wellbutrin, etc.

My decision to go w.o is a personal one. If I started having a lot more attacks, I'd probably change that. Stress and my abandonment issues bring them on. I can control my stress and I can work on my abandoment issues with therapy.