Birth Order

[Dionysus]

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Third born describes me well

Original challenges - what caused each of the birth orders:
Only Child - How to play alone without feeling lonely
First Born - Loss of mother's love to the new baby
Second Born - Being outdone by the first born
Third Born - Being shamed by the second born
Fourth Born - Being excluded by the third born

Strategies for solving the original challenges:
Only Child - Create imaginary companions
First Born - Wait for attention
Second Born - Become perfectionistic
Third Born - Be emotionally strong
Fourth Born - Don't listen to self

Typical bad feeling:
Only Child - Frustration
First Born - Guilt
Second Born - Inadequacy
Third Born - Fear
Fourth Born - Anger

Felt loss from childhood:
Only Child - Freedom
First Born - Love
Second Born - Emotions
Third Born - Protection
Fourth Born - Belonging

Sense of justice:
Only Child - Everything should be equal
First Born - People should get what they deserve
Second Born - What is necessary is just
Third Born - There is no justice so you have to help the victims
Fourth Born - There is no justice so you have to get even

Thought patterns:
Only Child - Organize by tying up the loose ends
First Born - Relate things to the future
Second Born - Evaluate to discover flaws
Third Born - Compare things to create new ideas
Fourth Born - Analyze things from every angle

T-shirts:
Only Child - Front: Leave me alone / Back: I'd rather do it myself
First Born - Front: I don't know / Back: What do you think?
Second Born - Front: That won't work / Back: It's not good enough
Third Born - Front: No problem / Back: It doesn't bother me any
Fourth Born - Front: Life isn't easy / Back: You have to try hard

Type of emotional expression:
Only Child - Demonstrative/Sullen
First Born - Agreeable/Obnoxious
Second Born - Friendly/Critical
Third Born - Sympathetic/Aggressive
Fourth Born - Empathy/Anger

What causes anger:
Only Child - Being intruded upon
First Born - Shown lack of respect
Second Born - Being criticized
Third Born - Being putdown
Fourth Born - Being blamed

Nature of humor:
Only Child - Sarcasm - implying negative motives
First Born - Shock - outrageous humor
Second Born - Criticism - dry humor
Third Born - Putdowns - embarrassing others
Fourth Born - Insults - suggesting others are stupid/lazy/untrustworthy

Means of relating:
Only Child - Projects own perceptions unto the other person imagining that the other person is the way he/she thinks they are
First Born - Works to impress others to get their admiration
Second Born - Offers constructive criticism to help others perform better
Third Born - Looks for ways to help others so they will be pleased
Fourth Born - Entertains others with witty expressions so they will want them around

Whom they understand on a gut level:
Only Child - Just other only children
First Born - Just other first borns
Second Born - First and second borns
Third Born - First, second and third borns
Fourth Born - Everyone except onlies

Spirituality:
Only Child - Ethical spirituality, wants to settle issues of right and wrong
First Born - Relational spirituality, wants to have a loving community
Second Born - Sacrificial spirituality, wants persons to commit themselves
Third Born - Devotional spirituality, wants to gain strength through prayer
Fourth Born - Mystical spirituality, wants to make contact with God

Relational problems:
Only Child - Feels oppressed by others' negative feelings
First Born - Feels obliged to satisfy others
Second Born - Feels overwhelmed by others' anger
Third Born - Feels obliged to help others
Fourth Born - Feels trapped by others' feelings

Sexual dysfunction resulting from childhood sexual abuse:
Only Child - Bisexuality if sexually abused by person of the same sex as a child - may also sexually abuse children other than their own
First Born - Addiction to pornography/sex/masturbation
Second Born - Homosexuality if abused by a person of the opposite sex
Third Born - Sexual aggressiveness, rape
Fourth Born - Incest

The child within:
Only Child - Feels smothered
First Born - Feels abandoned
Second Born - Feels neglected
Third Born - Feels wounded
Fourth Born - Feel isolated

Type of Procrastination:
Only Child - Puts off big jobs while doing small tasks
First Born - Puts off doing practical things while dreaming of accomplishing great things
Second Born - Puts off tasks till they can be done perfectly or till they have to be done
Third Born - Puts off tasks for more interesting pursuits
Fourth Born - Puts off tasks to spite others

Blind Spot:
Only Child - Inability to know what others think/feel
First Born - Inability to tell what he/she thinks, feels, wants
Second Born - Inability to know what others feel
Third Born - Inability to cooperate
Fourth Born - Inability to trust others

How They Deal with Boundaries:
Only Child - Honors them for others and self
First Born - Perceives others as having insurmountable boundaries
Second Born - Strict boundaries defined by own rules
Third Born - Cannot set boundaries to keep others out
Fourth Born - Does not respect others' boundaries, has strict boundaries for him/herself

How Each Takes a Walk in the Woods:
Only Child - Stays on the beaten path
First Born - Plunges through the woods, gets into difficulty
Second Born - Goes into the woods, watches the ground to avoid obstacles
Third Born - Goes into the woods only to help someone else through the woods
Fourth Born - Does not go into the woods, tells others where to go and how to get there

Some Preferred Careers:
Only Child - Radio Disk Jockey, Banking, Teaching, Ministry, Management (of time, space, and things)
First Born - Promotion, Speaking, Research, Business
Second Born - Accounting, Art, Finish Carpentry, Receptionist, Secretary, Teaching, Writer of Novels
Third Born - Sales, Police Work, Newspaper Reporter, Inventor, Poet, Animal Trainer
Fourth Born - Teaching Elementary School, Comedy, Dentistry, Factory Work, Management (of people)

Strengths:
Only Child - Organization, Clarity of Purpose, Stable
First Born - Visionary, Leadership, Compromise
Second Born - Self-Discipline, Attention to Detail, Consistency
Third Born - Compassion, Imagination, Practicality
Fourth Born - Thinking, Understanding, Ambition

Parenting Styles:
Only Child - Allows children time and space
First Born - Urges children towards dreams
Second Born - Teaches self-discipline, Obedience to rules
Third Born - Protective on the one hand, challenging on the other
Fourth Born - Is a companion to the children, Inconsistent discipline

Farming Style (if a farmer):
Only Child - Follows expert recommendations
First Born - Farms so as to impress others
Second Born - Stays on modest scale to keep everything manageable
Third Born - Ready to try new methods, experiments
Fourth Born - Farms the hard way

What Passes for Love:
Only Child - Worry
First Born - Agreement
Second Born - Constructive Criticism
Third Born - Pleasing
Fourth Born - Giving

Driving Style:
Only Child - Drives confidently expecting that everyone will drive correctly
First Born - Drives cautiously as if others are out to get him/her
Second Born - Drives angrily because others are violating the rules
Third Born - Drives fearlessly or fearfully
Fourth Born - Drives slowly while watching everything or aggressively in anger

Listening Style:
Only Child - Puts own meaning into others' words
First Born - Listens only to others, not self
Second Born - Listens for mistakes
Third Born - Interprets the motive for what is said
Fourth Born - Listens only to self or the other, but not to both at the same time

Common Phrases:
Only Child - You know
First Born - I don't know
Second Born - You need to
Third Born - No problem
Fourth Born - Try hard

Interventions to get a Hearing From:
Only Child - I don't know about you but...
First Born - You may not agree with this but...
Second Born - This may not be perfect but...
Third Born - This may be scary but...
Fourth Born - This may be hard but...

Effective Confrontations:
Only Child - You can be angry if you want but...
First Born - I would appreciate if you would...
Second Born - Do you have any other criticisms?
Third Born - I am disappointed...
Fourth Born - Stop it!